Was this wrong?

[Taskmaster15]

Sorry this turned out long but I didn't want to drip feed.

I'm reviewing my last relationship. I'm not sure if I've had a bit of a warped view of what's right and wrong before due to previous abuse.

We met through friends and had a friendship for around a year before getting together. He lived about 2 hours away so we just saw each other at weekends. He could choose when he worked as he was self employed but I was studying on a course which involved a full time placement and I also had to work to support myself so it was very tiring. I did my placement 9-5 then worked 8pm-1am on weekdays so I could have weekends as a break. Sometimes I just wanted a weekend to myself or to see family/friends but he always came to see me. He made me feel bad for not seeing him or would say "I've already bought my ticket" or whatever.

Anyway the issue was sex. Usually I had a moderate to high sex drive but as you can imagine it lowered a bit as I was just so tired and never had any time to myself. I just didn't want it multiple times a day both days. He took offence to this and said I should want it as I'd not seen him all week. He pressured me and said he was upset or I clearly didn't like him etc. I did it a lot when I didn't want to. Even when I was unwell. I have a condition which causes me extreme abdominal pain. Apparently that was just an excuse according to him. A few times I woke up and he was touching me down there. It got to the point where him touching me repulsed me and I just switched off.

I ended things because of all this after a lot of pressure from our friends to continue the relationship. He made me feel like I wasn't normal for having a problem with it.

Was I right to think it was wrong?

[DoreenLethal]

Yes it was wrong. And your friends should not pressurise you into a relationship - it's your life not theirs.

And please please don't think you have a problem with this. It is sexual assault to touch someone whilst they are asleep - relationship or not. Who knows what else he may have gone on to do whilst you were asleep.

.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Yes you were right and yes it was wrong.
Have you completed the Womens Aid Freedom Programme?
If you've suffered previous abuse then you need to do this.
Attending in person is best or you can do it on line.
Your boundaries are skewed.
None of what he did or said was OK in any way shape or form.
Well done for seeing it and ending it but please do the Freedom Programme to get your boundaries back in place so you don't put up with anything like this ever again.
Take some time for you for now.

[Theydontknowweknowtheyknow]

Of course you were right OP. I have been there with my ex and the way he manipulated me to have sex was pretty much the same, along with gentle threats to go to a prostitute as it was his "right". What he didn't realise if he'd relaxed a bit and made me feel loved instead of guilty he would have got what he was trying to obtain by guilt and coercion.

When you finish a relationship you spend a lot of time wondering if you WBU but in this case YWNBU because there are some things which aren't acceptable in a relationship and this is one of them.

[Taskmaster15]

Thanks everyone. It's just hard to analyse your own experiences sometimes I think.

Hellsbells - I didn't even know there was such a thing! I'm going to research it now and I'll definitely do it, thank you.

[DarkNavyBlue]

Your friends are idiots, nobody ever knows what goes on in a relationship.

And yes he was wrong to do that and you were right to end it.

[Taskmaster15]

Thanks. After it ended they were just awful to me so I ended the friendship and moved away.

[Lweji]

You had a lucky escape and did very well in ending it when you did.

[Inexperiencedchick]

Well done for moving away and ending with him and with friends.
None of normal friends would force someone in to relationship.
Just listen to your gut, body and feelings.

Take care of yourself.

[BerylStreep]

He sounds awful. So do your (ex) friends.

He sounds very manipulative, and didn't really give a shit about you. He wanted sex, he bought his ticket - so what if you are tired, don't feel like seeing him, don't feel like sex?

[LadyBlaBlah]

Lucky escape

Well done OP

[Pancakeflipper]

Oh that's wrong, very wrong.

That's making me wince.

Hope you are ok.

[Taskmaster15]

Thanks everyone. At the time I just thought it was normal. The thought of him makes my skin crawl. I know now that he didn't care about me.

I'm a lot happier now