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So - DH thinks it's my wifely duty to have sex with him even when I don't feel like it.

(82 Posts)
LikeIcan Tue 01-Sep-15 11:38:28

How do I deal with this attitude?

SillyStuffBiting Tue 01-Sep-15 11:39:01

That's awful.

summerwinterton Tue 01-Sep-15 11:39:51

flippant - but ltb springs to mind

why do you think you deserve to be treated like this?

Pyjamaface Tue 01-Sep-15 11:41:00

Tell him to go fuck himself

StanSmithsChin Tue 01-Sep-15 11:42:37

Sex shouldn't be a duty.
A person should want their partner to have sex with them because they enjoy it not because they feel it is their duty.

I couldn't be with a man who was happy to force me to have sex.

LikeIcan Tue 01-Sep-15 11:43:13

Apparently I should be able to spare him 10 minutes a day just to make him happy? & that if I loved him I'd do it.
That's the sort of thing he says.
I just end up doing it & then crying.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 01-Sep-15 11:43:49

What?! Are you married to Josh Duggar?

That is totally awful and would be, in fact, rape. How nice

fermentedvaper Tue 01-Sep-15 11:44:38

Tell him it's is husbandly duty to be kind, caring, supportive and respectful of your wishes.

HannaClotta Tue 01-Sep-15 11:46:14

Ask him what kind of person gets off on having sex with somebody who isn't interested themselves?

Does he fancy a dildo up the arse? I'll happily come and oblige to demonstrate the one party interested/one party not angle for him.

Presuming of course that he wouldn't like it hmm

BikeRunSki Tue 01-Sep-15 11:47:17

Does he think it's 1950 in any other area of life?

BathtimeFunkster Tue 01-Sep-15 11:47:33

Please stop letting this horrible brute use you as a wank sock.

Nobody who knows anything about good sex or a good marriage could think sticking your dick into an unwilling woman's vagina for 10 minutes a day was part of either.

If having sex with you when you don't want to have sex makes him happy, then he is a disgusting pervert.

pocketsaviour Tue 01-Sep-15 11:48:26

if I loved him I'd do it. That's the sort of thing he says.

That takes me back to my teens. It's what the boys all said to try to make you have sex with them, or they'd dump you. I believe wise mums told their girls that any fella who demanded sex wasn't worth a minute of your time.

Is there a lot of backstory here? Has sex got less frequent or have his demands got more frequent? Why is he excited by the thought of having sex with someone who is unwilling? Why can't he masturbate? Do you have DCs?

LikeIcan Tue 01-Sep-15 11:48:42

& then he'll say things like ' you've got time for Facebook, your mates. shopping etc '

I don't know how much more I can take.

HannaClotta Tue 01-Sep-15 11:49:12

Please stop doing it OP, if this man loves you he wouldn't expect this. Tell him NO. And if it causes further problems then I think you're probably better off knowing what kind of person you're married to, before you potentially waste any more of your life on somebody who is so selfish. You deserve far better than this, please believe that! flowers

luckiestgirlintheworld Tue 01-Sep-15 11:49:42

You know this is rape right?

AdoraBell Tue 01-Sep-15 11:50:05

Think it's it's husbandly duty to respect you. That means respecting the fact you are a human being, not an object.

Finola1step Tue 01-Sep-15 11:51:35

I have been on here for years. I rarely advise this, but leave him.

This won't get better. flowers

LikeIcan Tue 01-Sep-15 11:51:49

I'm crying now just reading your kind replies because I know it's not me its him, but I doubt myself all the time.

Lweji Tue 01-Sep-15 11:52:59

Pyjamaface
beat me to it.

It's sexual abuse. You are not a blow up doll.

Just out of curiosity, what does he do for you?

What's stopping you from leaving him?

Stripeysocksarecool Tue 01-Sep-15 11:53:38

Buy him a male sex toy and hand it over every time he treats you like a sex object. Explain that as he clearly sees you as a sex toy you have provided an alternative so that you both get what you want.

MythicalKings Tue 01-Sep-15 11:55:25

Tell him that forcing someone to have sex is rape and he is a rapist. Then pack his bags and throw him out.

PixieChops Tue 01-Sep-15 11:55:37

Seriously I've never said his either but you need to leave him. He clearly only thinks of his needs and not your own. How does he react when you cry or does he just not give a shit and go on his merry way. Personally I'd kick him in the dick with steel toe capped boots if he was my OH. Sorry you're going through this and like other people have said, if you're not consenting it's rape whether he's your husband or not.

JollyWollyHolidays Tue 01-Sep-15 11:56:28

Sorry you are going through this, agree with others if he sees sex as something for him, and not something for you both to enjoy, then other areas of your life will quickly follow suit. Having time for sex and wanting it are different things. If he enjoys sex with you clearly not enjoying it/unresponsive then please walk away before he gets worse.
Do you have any children?

AuntieStella Tue 01-Sep-15 11:57:32

" he'll say things like ' you've got time for Facebook, your mates. shopping etc ' "

The literal request is for sex. But is the real plea for attention?

How much time do you spend as a couple, concentrating on each other? Not sex, just being pleasant to each other.

Or are there further issues which mean that doesn't happen either?

Scobberlotcher Tue 01-Sep-15 11:57:59

Your body is yours not his. He does not have the right to use and control it.
What kind of man wants to use his wife's body against her wishes? And the step from against her wishes to against her will???
What kind of man could even use his wife's body and watch her cry and still want to do that?
I purposely say use your body over other terms because that is the most accurate description of what he is doing to you.

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