Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

May I ask a question?

(85 Posts)
gaafan Sun 30-Aug-15 17:02:23

Hello. I am a gentleman of 33, single for just a touch under a year. If you do not object I would be very happy if you could answer a question from a female perspective. I am weighing up whether to ask a woman out for a coffee. She works in a place I go to to socialise. We've exchanged pleasantries and nothing more, although I suspect she has noticed I am frequenting her establishment with increasing regularity. So, the question. If you were asked out by a man whom you were not interested in getting to know further (just looking at the worst case scenario) in an unthreatening manner and environment, is there any harm done to you as the person receiving the invite? In other words would I be putting the other person unintentional ly in a difficult position should they for whatever reason need to decline, or as I perhaps naively hope, would what I hope is a warm feeling of being flattered still be there if you don't fancy the person who asked you out . Apologies for a mealy-mouthed post but really Id love to hear what you think.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Sun 30-Aug-15 17:06:59

I think you'll be fine. Life is too short not to do it.

OxfordCommoner Sun 30-Aug-15 17:07:20

Just ask her out. But use fewer words.

And don't be pushy.

SparklyPenguin Sun 30-Aug-15 17:07:54

I'd say no harm in asking! Will you continue to frequent her workplace if she turns you down?

ImperialBlether Sun 30-Aug-15 17:12:41

Have you started threads under another name, OP? No reason why you shouldn't, just that you have a very distinctive voice.

gaafan Sun 30-Aug-15 17:14:59

Sparkly that is a question I had been thinking about. Probably I will continue to go there yes if she declines. Do you think I shouldn't?

gaafan Sun 30-Aug-15 17:16:27

No, I only registered just now. I didn't realise a similar question had already been asked.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH Sun 30-Aug-15 17:23:26

Ask her smile as said above life's too short.
Let us know how you get on!

pocketsaviour Sun 30-Aug-15 17:30:11

Are you this submissive in the bedroom? You might want to let her know...

CalleighDoodle Sun 30-Aug-15 17:32:27

pocket that was incredibly dude.

CalleighDoodle Sun 30-Aug-15 17:32:37

rude ffs.

gaafan Sun 30-Aug-15 17:34:11

pocketsaviour quite the opposite as it happens..

DoreenLethal Sun 30-Aug-15 17:53:47

I think she will cope if she is asked out by someone she doesn't fancy.

LeonC Sun 30-Aug-15 17:54:27

Where are you from, OP? Ireland?

AngelaRipp0n Sun 30-Aug-15 17:59:31

This sounds like one of those posts when someone writes as if they're a character in a film/TV show, what is gaa that the poster is a fan of?

LeonC Sun 30-Aug-15 18:01:30

Gaelic Football, hurling, camogie, and I think handball

Arsenic Sun 30-Aug-15 18:04:32

When you work somewhere like that, you get used to being asked and you get good at gentle refusals. She won't mind. Go for it.

pocketsaviour Sun 30-Aug-15 18:04:37

I would say the major risk here is that she falls asleep before you get to the end of your proposal.

Or should I say, she might collapse into a narcoleptic state upon hearing the initial verbosity proceeding from your vocal chords with the intention of furthering your social relationship, before you can get to your suggestion of an evening or lunchtime appointment in your local watering hole or other establishment where potables may be purchased and consumed.

MultiShirker Sun 30-Aug-15 18:07:31

I'd rather not be asked out by a customer in my place of work. The pleasantries you've exchanged are probably - on her side - her doing her job and being polite to the customers.

You may be misreading these as her personal responses.

It's pretty shit for women working in pubs or cafes to always have to put up with customers taking advantage

Arsenic Sun 30-Aug-15 18:11:19

Asking someone out respectfully once isn't taking advantage.

Forcing them to go out with you, harassing them or groping them is taking advantage.

lorelei9 Sun 30-Aug-15 18:13:01

I would hate to be asked out in my work place tbh

I would think very carefully if you have seen any signs from her that she might welcome an approach. If not, don't ask.

if you do ask, for pity's sake get the words out fast and in a way that makes it clear what you mean so there's no danger of her misunderstanding. I've been out with guys thinking their request was platonic - in fact I thought one was gay - and it's been very awkward.

Cat2014 Sun 30-Aug-15 18:14:49

There are some uncalled for replies here! Go for it op, asking her out once is hardly taking advantage hmm

gaafan Sun 30-Aug-15 18:18:10

Thank you for the responses. I am 2nd generation Irish and yes a supporter of Gaelic sports. I'm sorry I don't agree that asking someone out politely is "taking advantage". I am not a total eejit and won't push the issue, that is if she hasn't fallen asleep by then.

LeonC Sun 30-Aug-15 18:42:04

Maybe if you word your invitation in a very casual manner: Fancy a coffee? Then if you both get on, taking it up a level to the pub/cinema/meal?
Go for it and good luck!

BeaufortBelle Sun 30-Aug-15 18:50:06

I'm guessing she works in a coffee shop. She's probably sick and tired of being in a coffee shop. How about:

"I'd like to buy you a drink one day, would you like to come". If she says yes, you can ask if she'd like to go to a coffee/tea shop or for a bit of a change somewhere else. The nicest lunch I was ever invited to was sandwiches and orange juice in a plastic cup at the bandstand in St James's Park. The band was playing Beatles songs. Totally enchanting and a wonderful change from posh drinks and small talk.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now