Thinking about divorce

[Jdee41]

My DP and I have just had a big argument. The situation is that money is pretty tight right now due to my switching jobs recently (through necessity) which means I now have more responsibility for less money. DP works PT and does some of this from home.

Due to our childcare arrangements I have not had a proper break from work (longer than a weekend) in over four years, and after a period of depression I have been on ADs for nearly a year. This followed a horrible bereavement.

Tonight I finally said how stressed and unhappy I feel. DP said that I should stop complaining as lots of people work long hours and don't get annual leave. When I said about the ADs DP said I should stop taking them as I am 'hiding' and should 'face it.'

I feel quite betrayed and alone, that DP does not take this seriously and gets extremely defensive if I talk about it.

I am seriously thinking about divorce as I do not feel supported. Our DCs are the only thing stopping me right now.

Any thoughts? Am I moaning too much?

[LuisCarol]

Am I moaning too much?

Nope.

[ARV1981]

I don't think you're moaning too much.

Has he had a proper break in that time? If he has then he has no right to say you don't need one!

[Jdee41]

DP had the whole of last December on leave.

[pocketsaviour]

lots of people work long hours and don't get annual leave

Are you on a zero-hours contract? Because if you're employed full time (not self-employed) you are almost certainly entitled to 28 days paid annual leave per year.
www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights/entitlement

Even if you are on zero hours, the law says that you should be entitled to 28 days pro-rata (based on your average hours, usually calculated over the previous 18 weeks, but may vary from company to company.)

When I said about the ADs DP said I should stop taking them as I am 'hiding' and should 'face it.'

Let him know you'll be considering his opinion on medical matters just as soon as he graduates from medical school.

[Jdee41]

I work full-time, and use my annual leave to have one day home per week with DCs, who are both preschool. So I do technically get leave, just not an extended break from work (and on my days home with DCs I am usually keeping on top of work anyway).

[pocketsaviour]

Ah, I see. But then how come your H got to take a whole month off in Dec? Surely he is also using his AL for childcare needs too?

[Jdee41]

DP works PT - there's only one day when we are both out of the house and on that day a relative helps us, but the relative in question can't help more, hence my using my annual leave.

DP hasn't mentioned last night's argument - hoping I won't be moaning any more, I think.

[Jdee41]

DP finally said something to be about the argument. I had been honest about how low I was feeling prior to starting ADs (i.e. suicidal thoughts), and DP said that if I was feeling like that I probably wasn't fit to look after our DCs. Also said "how can you think like that when you have children to look after?"

I feel sick to my stomach about this and don't know where to go now.

[TheSilveryPussycat]

Thats' an awful thing your P said about ADs. They help get you into a better state where you can deal with circumstances - circumstances which may be the cause of the depression.

I took them on and off for years. The last time I went onto them, they worked - and I could deal with the main cause by divorcing my H.

So I suggest you begin by taking them, and giving them a few weeks to work.