NC for this.
About 9 months ago I found out my H was having an emotional affair. This really destroyed me, but what has made the matter much much worse is that I have become so angry.
We have been trying to work things out between us but every now and then I get so mad at him that I hit him. A week ago I threw my iPad at him and it went straight through his lip. I didn't mean for it to do that obviously, but I know that that is not the point and is no excuse.
My H doesn't want me/him to leave, he seems to not even be bothered about the hitting. And it's not just slapping, it's big punches to his face, crotch, stomach. I hit him so hard I got a bruise on my knuckles. In the past week I have got a bit better and if I feel like hitting him then I say that he needs to get away from me or I will hit him, so there has been no violence since the iPad incident which was last Tues. But me saying that he needs to get away from me or I'll hit him is a form of abuse in itself.
This is not like me at all, before this happened I never hated anyone, never hit a single person in my life. I know that even though the sexes are reversed from the norm that this is still domestic violence, and I'm disgusted with myself. I am due to see a counsellor next week who I hope will help me deal with my anger but I worry that I'm irredeemably broken now.
Does anyone have any experience of either abusers (or themselves as abusers) coming back from this and becoming 'normal' - for want of a better word - again?
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I have turned into an abuser.
104 replies
scaredimlosingit · 28/08/2015 15:36
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