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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How do I get him to leave? Prostitues & lies

59 replies

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 10:04

I found my husband viewing prostitutes and then I found a map on google from our house to an escort agency near by (when he was meant to be looking after our baby) not sure if he's done anything but he is a huge liar, looks me in the face and can lie about the most trivial thing, porn for example. I need him to leave, we share a rented property but me and my children have no where to go and all our things are here. He said he won't leave? Anyone got any ideas? I'm going for a full STI check aswell today. Absolutely disgusted.

OP posts:

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pocketsaviour · 27/08/2015 10:14

Are both your names on the rental lease? Are you still within contract or are you on a rolling monthly agreement?

The only way you can force him to go, legally, is by giving notice to your landlord, but this means you also have to move out.

Of course you could try making his life a living hell and see if that has the desired effect

Are you working? Or would you be relying on housing benefit?

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 10:18

We have just moved here so have a years contract. Yes I work just part time though. He's not from this area so it would make more sense for him to move back and me to stay with the kids. I wish he would just Piss off. Still denying doing anything, maybe he hasn't but twice this has happened now. I can't see why I should put up with it?

OP posts:

Wando · 27/08/2015 10:27

Horrible - I really feel for you. You are right to get a health check straightway.

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 10:28

Am I being over the top? I feel like I don't have much proof so maybe I'm overreacting?...

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Wando · 27/08/2015 10:37

Looks pretty good proof to me but confront him. Also you say it's happened twice now

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 10:43

I honestly don't think I can say I've saw this google maps thing because he will go mad that I've looked at his phone, he alwYs turns it around on to me! It was a street in google maps so I think if I did ask he could say he was looking for somewhere else, the only other places are take aways on that street and it's no where near our house so I can't see it being for any other reason why he's looked. I also saw a lot of porn which I don't mind but I thought I'd ask just to see if he would lie he looked me in the face and said I don't have time to look at porn I honestly haven't. Stupid liar!

OP posts:

Macadaamia · 27/08/2015 10:43

Dig around a bit more, I'm sure there will be more to find.

Housing wise there's not much you can do really. Except move out yourself I guess

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 10:45

I really don't want to move all our stuffs here, I'm just tempted to say I don't love him or be a bit nasty so he has to leave? Not really that sort of person though...

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hellsbellsmelons · 27/08/2015 10:48

Who cares if he turns it around on you.
When he does just say that doesn't matter and what DOES matter is he is a liar and uses prostitutes.
If he's OK with you telling everyone then that's fine, he can stay in the house. If not then he needs to leave or you will be telling anyone who will listen all about him and his lies.
It may backfire but I'm not sure what other choices you have.

pocketsaviour · 27/08/2015 10:50

Best way is probably to act as if you've split. Stop doing any laundry, cooking, shopping for him, tell him to sleep on the sofa/spare room, just tell him it's over.

You don't need proof to leave a relationship, and I wouldn't care what a liar thought of me looking at their phone.

WeAllFloat · 27/08/2015 10:50

If you made the motions of moving, would he bail first? If he can't afford the rent alone he might move to spite you?? Tbh, why confront him when he is such a good liar?

sparechange · 27/08/2015 10:53

Does he have an iPhone?
Do you know how to look at the 'recently visited locations' thing?
It is hidden away in settings/location services, but will bring up a list of places the phone has been to, and what times he arrived at, and left, each location.

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 10:56

Thanks for the iPhone info I'll have a look! I don't think he has used prostitutes but he's searched for them before then this google maps thing is a bit strange. I just feel a bit hurt and lied to tbf, if he didn't lie about something so ridiculous as porn then I might be to see through this.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 27/08/2015 11:06

Wow that location thing is fab.
This link gives full instructions.

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 11:13

I'll try and have a look tonight, I feel sick to the stomach. Never expected this. Only been married a few month. Told family they said ah he's just a young lad looking at other girls don't worry. Can't believe it!

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ThisIsFolkGirl · 27/08/2015 11:16

Your family said that?!!

Tbh, it was only the threat of opening it up to public consultation that got my exh to stop blaming me after discovering his affair.

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 11:19

I told my family and friends as I wanted advice seen as I have no evidence of him actually doing anything just looking. I feel so hurt, I'm so upset.

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ThisIsFolkGirl · 27/08/2015 11:19

You don't need proof to leave a relationship, and I wouldn't care what a liar thought of me looking at their phone.

And a dirty prositute visiting liar at that. You're going to have to go pretty far before you have reached the depths of scumminess he's at.

So I wouldn't worry what he says.

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 11:21

But what if he wasn't looking for that? And I've just presumed? But he's searched for them before and I saw that. Ah I'm so confused!!

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Wando · 27/08/2015 12:49

Be strong - what he has done is unacceptable. I would confront him.

Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 13:18

I just don't understand! He's never been like this til we got married. I've got a 7 month DC and it's not been the same since she's been born. He gets up in the night to watch porn and wank. But knocks me back saying he's too tired. I feel like I'm not good enough! He then says I need to speak to a doctor about my self confidence and insecurities! I'm heart broken.

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pocketsaviour · 27/08/2015 13:22

He then says I need to speak to a doctor about my self confidence and insecurities

Yeah because that lets him off the hook for treating you like crap, as long as he can make out it's all your problem.

Everything you say about him makes him sound worse. You obviously don't trust him. How long have you been married? It's not an uncommon story on here for a man to suddenly stop making an effort once you're "trapped" through marriage and/or DC with him. The mask slips and the true arsehole comes out

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Hithere820 · 27/08/2015 13:30

Only 4 month he's a complete different person and a really good liar I feel so scared and trapped and alone

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pocketsaviour · 27/08/2015 13:32

See, the lies alone would be enough for me to leave. When someone is that good of a liar, you can never trust anything they say.

Have you ever confronted him about a lie you've caught him in?

summerwinterton · 27/08/2015 13:45

You don't need proof. He is a liar and he treats you like crap. Who cares if he tries to turn it onto you. He is wrong and you don't want him any more. There is nothing else to be said to him.

And stop relying on your family to support you. If they think him behaving like this is acceptable then they are wrong too.

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