Firstly I am male and aged 42. I apologise if this is not considered the correct place to post and by all means remove my post those who hold the reins here if you feel that is the case. I read some of the other posts by female MNers and if nothing else if you are worried about dating and think men are scary or something this may make you feel better. I just came out of a 6 year relationship. I am contemplating seeking another relationship. I suppose I have some things to offer however I prefer to focus on my flaws and consequently worry noone will want to be with me. I will probably try OD as a starting point and hopefully this time it won't take me 6 months to choose a photo and have to spend £ at a professional photographer (male) who assumes I am gay and asks me to dinner which I consider accepting as I am hungry and grateful for the unexpected boost to my self esteem. I spend some time sucking my cheeks in in car mirrors to make it look like I have cheekbones and then have to pretend I was smoothing something away. I know less about women than I did when I was 16 and I knew nothing then. I am exactly 7 kilos overweight but prefer to say it like that as it sounds better than 1.5 stone and I can convince myself I am European and therefore sophisticated. I haven't perfected the art of smiling at women (or men) in non threatening public spaces such as art galleries because it makes my face look fat. I have a kind of half smile that makes passport security guards detain me for longer than usual. I try to persuade myself that greying temples are in but still pull them out. I agonise over whether to ask a woman out and an secretly relieved when she mentions she has a boyfriend. I constantly internally reproach myself for finding someone physically attractive as frankly they are unlikely to think the same about me. I am happy when I see superficially unattractive men in a relationship as it gives me hope. I am trying to time the next back wax I go for Correctly so I don't end up in bed with someone while sporting back stubble like a burned field of corn. I am the modern male and would like to say to any woman who is in anyway insecure about herself read this and be reassured. As the guy from the Inbetweeners said whatever else goes wrong for you at least you are not me 
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Relationships
Completely clueless about dating
allofmycolours · 24/08/2015 03:01
I think I might fancy you already! (although you're saved from trying to smile at me as I'm married) 
All the best of luck to you in finding someone... being honest is a great start.
Lowlowl ahh yes honesty. .I was a big fan of it until I told a German lady I went on a date I was a child model for Mothercare (this is actually true, my Mum still has the pictures of me in blue flares) . She laughed so hard I thought her dentures would fall out. And she wasn't wearing dentures...we didn't have a second date....
Well, horses for courses and some people liked your post as a profile...
But three comments from me:
- Don't post something which is ENTIRELY self deprecating jokes. It makes you look like a one trick pony. So if you use that, go for half of it and add some stuff that actually says what you like doing, who you are. I get very little sense of "you" from that.
- Not keen on jokes about men who are interested in how they look being gay, or photographers being gay. Can't exactly put my finger on it but I was
at that
- Finally, there is a gif that people sometimes put on here which is about "behold, here comes a man's opinion". It rather sprang to mind. I would be reassured by your experience if you just joined in and shared your feelings. I'm put off the idea that you're presenting me with some kind of gift in sharing them.
Good luck though!
And a tip: if you're worried that women only want better looking guys than they are, make your own choices based on personality. Then you're bound to find you approach a mix of "attractiveness" yourself, and spread the risk.
Hello OP
I agree with Cabrinha. Especially abiut the self deprecating stuff. Oh and, men are more than welcome to post, but there is a tendency for some to do so believing they have come with all the answers.
But anyway...
I have a friend who is an attractive man. But not long after I'd met him, he revealed all of his insecurities about his appearance. He went from being a perfectly imperfect man to a collection of his perceived flaws and I was acutely aware of all of them. Beware!!! 
Oh yeah and avoid professional photos at all costs. When I did OD , I didn't even read the profiles of men with professional profile pics! They just look staged and unnatural. The last guy I dated had a couple of professional shots on his profile (but not as main pic or I'd never have got that far) and whilst the composition was right and he was more 'classsically' good looking on those pics, they didn't actually look like him and I much preferred the regular pictures. Professional ones are just so staged.
But I know what you mean. I seem to have fallen into some wasteland where I'm no longer attractive to men. I mean I was never gorgeous or beautiful, but when I look at photos of myself as a teenager or 20s, I think I'm more attractive now. The only advantage then was that I was younger and slimmer! Sadly though, I'm finding that that is all that counts. The last two men I've had relationships with (lasted a matter of months before I realised my dwindling confidence needed protecting from them!) were both attracted to me, but not the size 12/14, 40year old package I came in.
they were both older than me.
Men now seem to fall into one of 3 categories for me:
1 - so much going for them that they don't need to consider me because there are enough young, slim attractive women for them to choose from who are interested in them. And that's really what they want.
2 - are interested in personality, but would prefer it to come in a young, slim attractive package and so despite getting on brilliantly and having a real connecton, are still looking for someone younger, slimmer and more attractive.
3 - those who would love to meet someone young, slim and beautiful but lack the confidence/self esteem to think they deserve it, and so are resigned to settling for someone like me.
It's crap really!
I'm sorry if my post was harsh - it was intended to helpful too, no mean intent.
I certainly don't think you have less right to post than anyone else, I'd happily see a much more even M/F balance on here. Your subsequent post evoked much more sympathy in me as it was just sharing how YOU feel and not "telling me" (to my mind) that lo and behold I can feel reassured now. It DOES help to know I'm not alone in insecurities (though different to yours) but it's more reassuring when that happens more naturally.
Definitely prioritise therapy. I would aka I strongly advise "fake it til you make it". Even the act of telling people you're insecure re-confirms in your own mind that that is the person you are. And they put you in that box and that can be hard to get out of.
The other thing about faking it is that you realise you can pull it off, it's OK!
Minor thing, but 10 years ago all I wore to work (office) were tailored black trousers and low key (not low cut ) tops. I hated the idea that someone might comment on my clothes (and I mean positively!) as I'm not confident with clothes and didn't want (really didn't want) the attention.
Last week I wore a (fairly short) deep orange dress. Several people said "love that!" and I just smiled and said "I know! Isn't the colour gorgeous?!"
It has taken TIME to get there. To realise that the sky will not fall in if someone notices me.
Get therapy, feel the fear, do it anyway, find out it's OK! (that might be asking women out, not choosing a dress for work )
Oh and yes to FolkGirl!
Not only do I worry about "attractiveness" but I've got actual age, signs of aging and weight against me far more than men, I think.
I know you're ready to OD yet - and must people don't use it anyway. Bloody hell though. I'm 40 and searched 35-50 years old (only not 30-50 because I think early 30s is generally a big transitional period, and also men in their early 30s are more likely to be pre-kids which doesn't suit me. Almost every man my age had a range that was more like 28-40. MANY had a upper age younger than themselves.
It is flipping brutal for women in their 40s!
I also, with the same photos and profile had massively more emails aged 39. You get dumped from a lot of searches when you hit 40!
We've all got issues Get the therapy, and forget about dating for now. Trust me, when you're ready, there are loads of fab 40 something's out there
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Except the sad thing is, it's not necessarily a fatal flaw. Say the right (if fake) words and especially if you've got a decent income, at 47 a man can have a grey hair free 30yo. Other way round, not so much 
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