Younger Brother

[tootiredtobeinspired]

My brother is a lot younger than me (14 years) so at a very different stage in his life to me, i.e I'm married with kids, he is just starting out in his career, living in house share etc. Anyway we rarely see each other due to geographical distance and busy lives. My issue is that every time I contact him he ignores me. This can be Facebook, texting, calling or email. I get no reply. I know for a fact he is glued to his phone so he sees the messages etc he just chooses to ignore me. When I do see him he is fine so it's not that we've fallen out, I just think he can't be arsed to reply as he thinks I am not interesting. At first I joked about it and was sarcastic with him but it's really getting on my nerves now. Would I be justified in calling him out for being a rude arse? I don't want a family fall out but I know it's not just me he does it to. He's also upset my mum and ignores our other brother too.

[Jux]

No, I don't think you'd be justified. He's a heck of a lot younger than you; he's living away from his family and having a brilliant time. Let him get on with it and he'll coe ck the fold when he's grown up a bit. Don't guilt-trip him, or badger him (and for him badgering may be contact more than once a month!). He may well feel a bit smothered if he's got his mum, you, and his brother contacting him, so give him space to become his own person, and you'll all be life-long friends later. For now, let him sow his wild oats and make his way.

Just keep the lines of communication open by texting him infrequently asking how he is and that you've been thinking of him.

[springydaffs]

Sounds like my boy

They are so self-absorbed at that age. And, yes, they do think everyone is boring. They simply cba. Not all, of course...

[Wando]

He'll come back in time. At the moment he is just exploring and having so much fun that he is focussed on his here and now.

[SiobhanSharpe]

Yeah. It could be a long wait. My son is nearly 30 and he can still be like this sometimes. Everyone and everything else is more important than boring old family. (Need a self-pity emoticon! )

[PrincessFiorimonde]

I think Jux has posted a great reply.

I too have a younger brother (not such a big age gap, though), and remember tutting to myself about his fecklessness/lack of contact etc. when he was younger.

He's lovely now. So I'm sure your brother will get there too!

[springydaffs]

I've been thinking about this since posting and I've changed my mind - tell him.

And don't pussyfoot either - not brutal, obvs - but if he's 'just starting out on his career' then he's early/mid 20s and ostensibly a man. Tell him it makes you feel horrible and it's hurtful. It may be the wake up call he needs.

[Canyouforgiveher]

it may be the wake up call he needs for what? A 20 year old will suddenly wake up and realises that family are important because his sister is 34 and has children. So he will -- do what? Become a father? answer his sister on social media?

honest to god the guy is young. he will one day be in a lot of contact. he may even enjoy the texts/contacts he has with you now. he just doesn't want to get involved in communicating back. he is young. let him off.

My dh has brothers who are 15 and 18 years younger than him (with same mother and father). Over the years I have had to bite my lip/suck it up with those kids as they hit young adulthood and we were in the midst of family. never fell out and am so glad we didn't. These guys are the best uncles now and just lovely family members.

Your brother should call his mother/father once a week. After that the facebook/twitter/etc obligation shouldn't matter imo

[Wando]

It could take time -30 is the new 20 for some!

[Jux]

At most, tell him to call his mum every few weeks. He has no obligation to you, really, no duty. Use a light hand. (I am assuming that he's a normal chap, with no really outlandish character traits, ie, not super-selfish, or thoroughly dishonest.)