Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

If I've done the right thing, why does it hurt so much?

(6 Posts)
underthetable Sun 23-Aug-15 15:11:21

I've just left a relationship of 2.5 years. It's definitely had highs and lows, and DP has some major MH issues (depression/anxiety) which has really impacted on us over the years. He is on medication and awaiting counselling. I know he had a very tough childhood in lots of areas and I can see this has really affected him and made him the way he is.

Both have grown up DC, both late forties, living close but not together.

He had many positive qualities, but could also be very hard work - he constantly pushed me away, stating he did not want a relationship and that he was better on his own. We broke up several times, for a month or so, but always got back together, although nothing really changed.

He isn't affectionate at all, rarely kisses me. He is rough sexually and has made me cry several times when we have been intimate. He is rude and outspoken, although says this is merely being honest. He can be racist and drinks too much. He has had inappropriate text/facebook relationships with at least two people since we've been together.

I never get flowers or chocolates or anything, yet I buy him little treats all the time. He'll quite often forget to text me and has cancelled dates at very short notice.

For some reason last night I decided enough was enough. Nothing particular happened but it just hit me that I wasn't very happy. He was incredibly flippant about it and wished me well - no feelings of sadness were shown at all.

I can't bear the though of being alone, I am rubbish with my own company, which might be part of the reason I have stuck with it for so long.

Reading the above I know absolutely that I have made the right decision, but I want to try 'one last time', hoping against hope things will be different this time.

But they won't, will they?

loveyoutothemoon Sun 23-Aug-15 15:27:50

I remember being afraid of being on my own when I left my husband. It's the best thing I did, and I'm the happiest, most settled I've ever been. Look forward.

Confusedfedup Sun 23-Aug-15 15:40:34

I've recently left my 10 year marriage and it was/is absolutely the right thing for me so i can relate.

I was/am sad because I am mourning the relationship. I miss being in a relationship. I'm terrified of being alone. Despite this, I know i did the right thing and I won't go back. BUT I am relieved and content and am looking forward to a new happy chapter in my life.

It's ok to be sad, you're human with emotions. Just remember why you left at times when you're feeling too down. Trust me, if i can do it anyone can go it alone! I am useless.

hazel1910 Sun 23-Aug-15 16:05:29

My partner left me on Friday, I put up with 20 years of abuse (physical/mental), no affection e.g. holding hands, him drinking etc. etc. etc.
I was gutted on Fri/Sat (but couldn't think why?), but talking it thru with other people is on this site has made me realize he is a cock and that I DO NOT deserve how he has treated me over the years. 20 years has been far too long for his sh1t.
I'm not scared of being on my own, but I am worried what the future will hold for me.
Please trust your gut instincts and don't like me put up with 20 years of unhappiness like me. You deserve so much better.

antimatter Sun 23-Aug-15 16:11:19

No, he won't change. If he did he would have done it already.

Rockaria Sun 23-Aug-15 16:24:54

I left my P who had (amongst other things!) MH problems & used this as an excuse gor treating me badly. Through posting on here I learned that MH issues are no excuse for behaving in an EA way. I left him 11 weeks ago. I still want him. I still miss him. BUT I know it could never work because of how he behaved & treated not just me but his exW. They definitely DZo NOT change. It will get better with time (so I'm told!). But I feel your pain & know what you are going through flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now