i am a 'mistress',,,,dont shout at me please

[faeriemum]

i met my DP 3 years ago, there was an immediate attraction. i knew he was with someone though.
i was a few weeks preggers at the time (no longer with father) ...
nothing happened for 2.8 years, we talked alot as he works on the buses so i saw him most days......he asked me 4 months ago to go to the cinema with him...i was very flattered and really liked him, so i went.........we started an affair.... i love him more then anyone i have ever known.....and he tells me he feels the same....all the time!
he is living with his partner and has sworn there is no romance there and have not slept with her for over a year......
...he was telling me he was moving in before christmas......its got closer and no sign of it.......he told me he was going to talk with her last night because he'd had enough and wanted to be with me............that didnt happen...
he 'cant' talk to me weekends because she's always around........i really hate the hiding and cant emotionally take anymore.
i've told him this and he begged me to hold on for just a while longer because he cant be without me.......i do believe he loves me.....but feel its all too much.
i love him , and am very scared of not being 'with' him......do i give him altermatem (sp?) , hold on or end it?

[FrivolentDemon]

End it.

If he wants to be with you, he will be with you - not farting about with some "dead" relationship.

Find somone who wants you, and just you.

[LadyMuck]

Does he have children with his partner?

And if not why is he still with her if they haven't slept together for over a year.

Sorry - I'm afraid that you're being strung along my dear. He's more committed than he is telling you.

[Blandmum]

And do you believe him when he says that they don't have sex? Oldest line in the book that one.

He doesn't want to talk to you over the weekends, provbaly because he doesn't want to give the game away.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but bet my next pay packet that you are a smashing woman and deserve so much better.

If he feels the same as you do, he would have left her. He likes to have his cake and eat it, and is never going to change. And if he can lie to her, you can bet your boots he can lie to you too.

Look for someone to love and cherish you

[faeriemum]

he has no kids

[ilovecaboose]

agree with frivolent demon. If he really wanted to be with you above anything he would be.

Sorry.

[Twiglett]

END IT

[NotSoupyOhNoNoNoShesOnABreak]

"he is living with his partner and has sworn there is no romance there and have not slept with her for over a year......"

Kind of standard to say that isn't it?

End it.

[faeriemum]

he makes me feel more loved then anything i've ever known.....but more loney too

[ghosty]

I agree with frivolentdemon ... if he wanted to be with you he would be.
He isn't your DP ... he is someone else's ...
Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's true IMO.
I am not shouting at you but you will only get yourself hurt if you carry on like this.
Has he got children with his partner? If so,

[faeriemum]

lonely

[iota]

he has no kids - so why doesn't he leave her and move in with you? waht's stopping him?

[Fattymumma]

End it.
as eryone else has said, if he cares for you as much as he tels you he does he will do what is necessary to be with you...make sure that what is necessary is to be single.

do not take him back until you KNOW he is single

[ghosty]

I agree ... if he has no children and loves you, not her, then surely he would be with you?

[lulumama]

"he makes me feel more loved then anything i've ever known.....but more loney too"

how terribly sad ,faerie. that IMO is the opposite of being loved.

he is stringing you along, and trotting out all the trite cliches.....end it

take control , end it and find a man who really can love you like you deserve.

[ilovecaboose]

get out of the relationship, take a break from men and work on your self esteem and being happy with yourself.

All he will do is drag you down.

[satine]

There's an old saying - marry a mistress, create a vacancy.

If he can treat his current wife like this, then he'll do it to you. He obviously can live without you, so move on.

Sorry to be so harsh, I do realise that it sounds as though I think it's all terribly easy.

[glitterfairy]

Give him the ultimatum if you want him to live with you. Maybe after Christmas. I am interested as to why he makes you feel lonely though?

[admylin]

End it and tell him if he wants to see you again it should be the day he turns up with a suitcase and asks you if he can move in with you.

[Twiglett]

you're being an idiot .. you are taking someone else's sloppy seconds .. you are in 'love' with a man who has neither honour nor integrity and you are hurting someone innocent with your lies and deceit whether she knows about you or not

end it

[faeriemum]

he's told me on occasions......a, his house needs to be finished before selling, b, she's got diabetes and is unstable ?!?! c, he needs to find somewhere for his 2 bikes and jeep ...not looking good is it

[saggarmakersbottomknocker]

I truly hope he's not going to do the 'leaving on New's Day' thing. This happened to a friend of mine. Just horrible.

End it.

[faeriemum]

thanks for the words and advice all....and twiglet ...always outspoken

i've got to think about myself now and will have a hard long look at this

[throckenholt]

my gut feeling is - if he was going to leave then he would have done by now. -- Sorry.

[faeriemum]

i feel i need to talk to him now about this....cant bloody text it, thats cowardly isnt it