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struggling with confidence and emotions

(5 Posts)
SAIRn3 Tue 18-Aug-15 19:44:19

This may seem trivial to you but I'm struggling.

I split up from my Husband last April and divoiced very quickly, I met someone a few months after the divoice and we get on well, I have 3 children he has 2.

We have been away for weekend together with my 3 and his youngest (aged 12) the last weekend away was very difficult, his child was mardi, spolit and basically ''doing my head in'' but I put up with it

We went abroad a few weeks ago and the child ''cried wolf'' that often, I tried to keep mine happy and myself but unforuntaly I popped and said I was sick of the mardiness and winging (not infront of the children just my partner)

I felt awful after and apologised

I can't stop thinking about it - I feel so bad, such a horrible person, but he never says anything to his child, she is mardi, selfish and lazy. Even my children asked why is she so mardi

It spoilt the holiday, I feel so bad that I popped

Its difficult with the children, we never seem to get any time together and I think it will split us up

I felt like I was so nasty - as I must admit I was building up (like a pressure cooker) and I just popped, silly but now I keep thinking Im just a nasty horrible person

Which is what my ex used to say all the time (ps divoiced due to his controlled, manipulating behaviour towards me and the children)

I hope this makes sense, sorry as I have done a monologue

S

pocketsaviour Tue 18-Aug-15 19:53:02

I don't think it's nasty or horrible to tell an adult your feelings. (Unless you went into a massive swearing rant and called her a little cunt or something.)

How much time does this daughter get to spend with him? Do you think she is just jealous of dad's new relationship, or has she always been like this? Of course 12 is a hard age as well for girls with all those hormones whizzing around sad

Has your boyfriend said anything to you about it? Does he maybe not pull her up on stuff because he feels guilty he doesn't see her much?

I will say, my son behaved a bit like this when I got a new partner. Mardy and sulky the whole time, and it puts a hell of a downer on everything. He did get better eventually though.

SAIRn3 Tue 18-Aug-15 20:20:41

Thanks for your reply xxx

I did say a swear word, but only one - out of sheer frustration - again, I did apologise, but still feel so bad :-(

I explained to him, its everytime we all get together, she never joins in - its so difficult

I want us to all get on, maybe i'm just trying too hard :-(

Boyfriend just said, yep she can be mardi, just ingnore her - which must admit is not easy
(she lives with him -- not the mother)
He says, your kids nag (I replied, eldest - same age as his daughter - not a peep) but yep other 2 ''nag'' saying mum mum mum all the time but they are both under 8

I sometimes see his daughter more than my own kids, as mine go to their dads at weekends so I see my boyfriend and his daughter - its really not often when we have any adult time - don't think that helps

Maybe its me that's just crap at communicating, I feel so bad that its all going to go wrong

I involve his daughter in everything, maybe doing too much

Maybe this holiday we just had is a make or break - lol maybe i'm just being totally negative - I should stop talking rubbish LOL xx

pocketsaviour Tue 18-Aug-15 20:47:05

How long ago did he split up with the mum?

I do wonder if there's some "If I'm horrible I can make sure dad never replaces mum, and then eventually they might get back together" thing going on there.

If your boyfriend won't address it, then it doesn't look promising in terms of moving in together, and the lack of adult time together would really put me off TBH. Does she not see her mum?

SAIRn3 Tue 18-Aug-15 20:59:23

they split up two years ago

there were some serious problems - and mum has nothing to do with child

don't think we would move in together anyway, we both have our own places that suits us both (been together just under a year)

I am feeling very low, not confident at all, he did say ''I rant'' yep I do, but that's just the way it is - I am a single mum of 3, its not easy, their dad has only just really started showing an interest - he has them Sundays by the way - not all weekend (occasionally that's all)

adult time is only when kids in bed -- not good is it :-(

all the kids get jealous and i'm finding it really really hard to be myself - I feel like I am going backwards - to how I used to be with my ex

Its so pathetic - I need a kick up the bum LOL xxx

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