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(68 Posts)
HeadFeelsStrange Fri 14-Aug-15 15:27:57

Please help. I feel a bit numb. What would you think if you found this on your boyfriend's phone? I just did. From him to a woman I've heard of but not met. He and I are in a long distance relationship.
'I feel a bit closer to a decision today. One thing I would like to ask is whether you have any personal thoughts on my applying because, depending on what you decide about me, you might become involved and your opinion would be very important to me! Please don't think I'm pushing you, or being presumptuous, just wanted to check in with you whether you would have personal reservations about either avenue smile If you don't feel you can answer, I quite understand.'

DuelingFanjo Fri 14-Aug-15 15:30:03

could just be that they will be working together and she's wondering if he can give her the heads upon any info RE whatever the job is.

DuelingFanjo Fri 14-Aug-15 15:30:18

are all previous messages deleted?

TheHobbit Fri 14-Aug-15 15:32:50

It sounds like he is thinking of splitting up with you and he's trying to ask her if she will be in his future. That's how it sounds to me unfortunately sadflowers

HeadFeelsStrange Fri 14-Aug-15 15:33:43

He's now deleted the message thread. However I've seen a terrible one, I paraphrase now as I didn't forward it to myself - something about not wanting to hurt his feelings but she doesn't look on him as anything more than a friend. I shouldn't have looked.

HeadFeelsStrange Fri 14-Aug-15 15:34:30

TheHobbit. I think you're spot on. Unfortunately I'm currently on holiday with him. I can't bear this

DarkNavyBlue Fri 14-Aug-15 15:35:08

Well that's conclusive then. What do you want to do?

HeadFeelsStrange Fri 14-Aug-15 15:36:01

What do I want to do

whatlifestylechoice Fri 14-Aug-15 15:36:13

I would have thought it's about a job as well.

biffyboom Fri 14-Aug-15 15:36:21

Sounds like they have some history together, or there has been a time when they came close to sharing some.

cozietoesie Fri 14-Aug-15 15:36:36

What is your relationship like? How 'long distance' is it?

maybebabybee Fri 14-Aug-15 15:40:29

Think you need to ask him about it. Sorry this has happened OP flowers

MrNoseybonk Fri 14-Aug-15 15:40:58

How does "my applying" fit into the thinking of leaving theory?
The rest of it sounds overly familiar though, especially in light of the update.

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Aug-15 15:41:23

Had you suspected something was going on? Do you know the woman?

HeadFeelsStrange Fri 14-Aug-15 15:44:15

I know of the woman.
He's currently working away from the UK for a year, this is the first time we've seen each other in 6 months. I was very vocal about being upset by his decision to move away. I haven't been very nice to him I suppose. I need to talk to him. Ugh shaky

cozietoesie Fri 14-Aug-15 15:45:52

Yes - I think you do need to talk to him.

Epilepsyhelp Fri 14-Aug-15 15:48:58

Sounds like he's put himself out there in wanting to get together with her and she hadn't yet given him the message bluntly enough that she wasn't interested. Sorry OP.

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Aug-15 16:04:21

With that in mind, then, I would say that it sounds as though he's thinking of applying for another job and his decision whether to apply will depend on whether this woman wants things to go further.

OP, most of us would be very vocal if our husbands said they were going to work away for a year. Don't blame yourself for that.

MarieJeanne Fri 14-Aug-15 16:17:44

I think it sounds like he's thinking of applying for another job in order to relocate to be closer to this woman. Do you know where she lives?

SuperFlyHigh Fri 14-Aug-15 16:24:03

Doesn't look good. can you ask him?

QueenBitchFromHell Fri 14-Aug-15 16:28:43

I think it's possibly about applying for a job maybe near her or where she works and he is wanting to see how she feels about it because he hopes they may have a future together .

TokenGinger Fri 14-Aug-15 16:28:55

I agree with previous posters. It sounds like he's looking at moving back to the UK/applying for a job there and he's using that as an excuse to gauge how she feels. It sounds like maybe she hasn't been leading him on but he's become presumptuous about what their friendship is and she's cleared it up by saying nothing more than a friend. But his intent to leave is still there.

Hope you're ok, OP.

magoria Fri 14-Aug-15 16:31:41

If she had said yes do you think he would be sitting debating how upset he was over you?

Nah, he would be packing his bags telling you that it had not been good for a while.

You deserve better than second best or OK until something better comes along.

Aramynta Fri 14-Aug-15 16:32:20

Talk to him and ask him what's going on. From what you have read it seems he is pursuing her, regardless of how she feels about him.

Make it easy for him OP and stop yourself getting even more hurt in the process thanks

Morganly Fri 14-Aug-15 16:35:58

It sounds like he's been angling for a relationship with her, she's not given a clear no until now, and he wanted her views on him applying for another job as if they did start a relationship it would affect how much they could be together. She's now given him a clear no.

Sorry, horrible for you.

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