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A "why won't he text me back" post

(80 Posts)
itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 14:49:18

I hooked up with a man back in April, we were both in relationships and it was wrong but good sex. We hadn't met up since but kept in contact very sporadically.

Lately he's been contacting me a lot more as we've both ended our relationships so are single.

Last week we agreed to meet up, I went to his house for a couple of glasses of wine and ended up staying the night. I thought it'd be for sex only but I felt like we really clicked.

He talked so much sense and I now think he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He was saying things like "I really, really fancy you", "I've been waiting for this for so long", "your ex was an idiot for letting you go" and "sex with you is great but laying next to you cuddling is even better". So yes, a lot of things that made me really like him and I thought he liked me too!

I left next morning as we both had to get to work. He sent me a couple of texts in the morning and a couple of texts in the afternoon (he initiated it both times). This was Friday.

I didn't hear anything all weekend and then I sent him a text Monday morning asking him how his weekend was and he still hasn't replied! I'm getting really paranoid now as to why he's not replying!? Surely if he's not that into me he'd just say?

And I really felt like we had a connection so I'm genuinely surprised he's not been in contact. Please tell me something to cheer me up!

Mimigolightly Wed 12-Aug-15 14:52:32

In my experience, men are cowards when it comes to breaking up casual relationships. If he was really into you, he would have replied by now even if he's busy. Maybe he sees you more as a booty call rather than girlfriend material?

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 14:54:50

So rude to just ghost me though! But yes, I guess he does see me as a booty call hmm

InTheBox Wed 12-Aug-15 14:59:15

He was saying things like "I really, really fancy you", "I've been waiting for this for so long", "your ex was an idiot for letting you go" and "sex with you is great but laying next to you cuddling is even better".

I thought this sort of shit went out of fashion in the 90s? Well you've been had, I'm afraid. This is as meaningful as me telling you that today is Wednesday and bears shit in the woods.

He'll probably be back in touch when he fancies another shag. The messages he sent you were basically to keep you warm, i.e still on the radar should he feel like it.

Build some resolve and cut him out. Call it a lesson learned and move on.

UrethraFranklin1 Wed 12-Aug-15 15:01:28

One of the nicest guys you've ever met was a cheater and liar who can't even be bothered to dump you by text?

You might want to meet some more men and set your bar a bit (or a lot) higher.

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 15:02:10

InTheBox grin that actually made me laugh. I now see how stupid I'm acting! It's just difficult to see when you're in it...

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 15:03:09

Urethra, when you put it like that...

TheMarxistMinx Wed 12-Aug-15 16:02:34

Don't panic. You say the contact before was sporadic, maybe its just his way. perhaps if you got more involved that might change. maybe not.

He didn't intimate that he wanted to be in a relationship, he hasn't made a plan before you leave. At the moment regardless of how he sees you its all just a casual thing.

I did read the other day that men know very quickly how they see you. They either fall hard and fast or never. So maybe they do decide to allot you a function quite early on confused but there are probably plenty of FwB who end up getting married or whatever, that disproves that theory.

Wait and chill. Whatever you do don't chase. Men who use flattery like the chase.

bodenbiscuit Wed 12-Aug-15 16:05:54

I think that, whatever kind of relationship it is or isn't, ignoring someone is rude and shows they don't respect you.

How old is he btw?

bodenbiscuit Wed 12-Aug-15 16:06:45

Also, maybe he hasn't ended his other relationship.

ImperialBlether Wed 12-Aug-15 16:08:30

This sort of thing is fine if you just want to have casual sex with someone, but if you're after a relationship you're going about things the wrong way.

FenellaFellorick Wed 12-Aug-15 16:08:35

I find men come out with all manner of shit when they're about to get laid.

way back when I was single, I used to get told "I love you".

I'd give them the death glare and tell them not to be so stupid grin

FenellaFellorick Wed 12-Aug-15 16:09:04

To clarify - 'them' as in it happened on more than one occasion
Not 'them' as in there was a group of them.

Jan45 Wed 12-Aug-15 16:10:49

Probably you were an easy lay, however, still time, don't text him again though!

bodenbiscuit Wed 12-Aug-15 16:13:44

The thing is though that there are a number of reasons why people behave the way they do. Some people like to mess with others and play mind games.

I've found that the majority of the time I've had casual relationships with people, the man was nice and straightforward, replied to texts in a timely fashion. Although in those cases I guess we had already discussed what the arrangement was.

If he thinks you want a relationship and he doesn't then that might be why he's gone cold.

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 16:17:16

He's 45.

I wasn't after a relationship either which is why I went about things the wrong way, but his last time I saw him it was just different and I sort of fell for him.

He was saying all the nice things after we'd had sex so he didn't need to say it in order to get laid.

And he's definitely ended the other relationship, I went to his house and there was no sign of a woman. He didn't even have conditioner!

I'm not gonna chase or try to contact him again.

CinnabarRed Wed 12-Aug-15 16:17:29

Fenella grin

bodenbiscuit Wed 12-Aug-15 16:20:43

45???? He needs to grow the hell up. That's unlikely if he hasn't already.

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 16:22:24

Other than not texting me back, he's quite a grown up already!

FenellaFellorick Wed 12-Aug-15 16:48:10

I didn't say in order to get laid, I said when they're about to get laid.

In order to get laid is cynical manipulation. When they're about to get laid (or are getting laid. Or have just finished) is not cynical manipulation so much as some sort of temporary madness grin

Obviously you get the sleep with me bullshit in order to try to get you into bed but you also get the lost in the moment faux romance bullshit when you're in bed with them too. That's where when you're about to have sex, you get the you're so lovely, you're so wonderful, I love you bullshit and when you've just had sex you get the cuddle me you're so great I could really fall for you bullshit.

I think men are quite soppy creatures, really. grin

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 16:55:42

Fenella, that actually makes so much sense!

I guess my temporary madness has just lasted a little bit longer than his. grin

I'll get over it.

Louisa2412xx Wed 12-Aug-15 16:57:33

Men are such twats.
I'm in similar situation he goes from telling me he loves me and could marry me ,blah blah to not talking to me.
Why do we bother !

firebladeklover Wed 12-Aug-15 16:59:37

For me, a bench mark to let me know if I can sleep with somebody or not is, can I ring them up for no reason just to talk to them, and if I do, will I know they're glad to hear from me? It may sound prudish to some, but it's helped me see through the bullshit a few times.

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 17:01:48

Louise, I was just reading your post. I think he's definitely into you but acting very strange. Maybe he thinks you're being cold?

itaintmebabe Wed 12-Aug-15 17:03:27

fireblade, we're all different aren't we.

If I originally wanted a relationship I would've gone about things a different way. I've never been precious about having sex with people.

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