am i being silly

[mummyof2since2010]

so am I being silly. my husband has always been close to his sister inlaw. shes has never been that nice to me. commenting on how im not go enough for my husband etc. recently it feels like hes become her moral support and she is always calling and asking for his advice. her husband (my husbands brother) doesn't seem to mind about their relationship. other family members have questioned how much she relies on my husband and made comments like, doesn't she have a husband of her own. its always bothered me but now its always on my mind. ive confronted my husband many times about this over our 8 years of marriage but he brushed it off. what do you guy think.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I think it sounds unnatural and I'm surprised your dbil hasn't put a stop to it and that you haven't had words with her.

[CalleighDoodle]

The fact your husband hasnt out a stop to it is the problem.

[mummyof2since2010]

thanks goddess for ur reply. she is very manipulative so I worry about talking to her about this. its sad because other than the problems shes created, me and husband haven't had too many problems over the years. i said to my husband to imagine he had a bully or an annoying work colleague who was always mean to him and i was being their best friend/bum chum.

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

Suggest you and BIL spend the day at a spa. See how it goes down.

She's got a bee in her bonnet about you, and is trying to piss you off.

[mummyof2since2010]

calleighdoodle ur so right. we're not talking at the moment because of this stupid problem. the fact im not happy should made him think twice about their relationship. he knows what his sister inlaw is like and has been there when shes been mean/rude to me. but he always makes me feel like im over reacting.

[CalleighDoodle]

You should be his first priority as youre his wife. If he minimises your feelings in response to the actions of his sil, that makes him a bit of a tit doesnt it.

[CalleighDoodle]

What i mean is, it doesnt matter who she is. She could be a colleague, stranger on the street, friend etc, who she is really isnt important. What is important here is that someones actions towards / around your husband are unacceptable to you, and other family members, yet your husband dismisses your concerns. Why siuld he do that? Do you think he is having some sort of crisis and liking the attention?

[tallwivglasses]

No, I wouldn't be putting up with this. He should be pulling her up every time she's rude to you, to the point of not wanting to speak to her until she's apologised to you. I'm afraid it looks like he respects her more than he respects you

[mummyof2since2010]

i honestly think he feels responsible for her. his brother is abit useless and he feels like he needs to help her. which is totally stupid i know. i should be his priority aswell as our two children. he doesn't need to look out for another family. he sees her like a sister but his own sister thinks its wrong if its getting in the way of our relationship.

[CalleighDoodle]

That's because it is.

[mummyof2since2010]

just had it out with him again but this time i don't think i could have been any clearer. you guys have given me that extra boost to stand up for myself. I've always thought i was being over the top. i cant make him cut her out his life totally because she is family. i told him he needs to take a step back. by being there for her he's giving her the impression he supports her bad behaviour towards me. also he needs to tell her where she's been out of line and to stop her stirring. hoping this helps and its got though to him. lets see

[goddessofsmallthings]

Well done, mummy. What was his reaction?

[mummyof2since2010]

i think he's slightly shocked at how firm i was being. i didn't give him a chance to shrug me off this time. i'm happy how it went. i don't like confrontation so this was a lot for me. also the reason its gone on for so long, I've been too scared to say too much in case it turned into an argument.

[CalleighDoodle]

Well lets hope for a positive outcome