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Will I ever find love again? :-( blended family relationship hasn't worked :-(

(3 Posts)
RachelLunaMoon Sat 01-Aug-15 20:49:34

Ok so this is quite long but please bear with me! Ok so after 10 years with a cold, abusive (mentally but on occasion physically) man and two children, i ended the relationship when he cheated, although I wanted to leave for five years at least before that. I very soon met the most wonderful man and it was bliss! He was so perfect and we seemed so compatible. We laughed all the time, he treated me well, and I loved him so much I could burst.. Really quickly we got engaged and everything seemed so good, my confidence and hope in the future was so high. There were obviously difficulties such as at first our children didn't take to eachother (though really it was my oldest who had the most problems initially) then it started to work ok and everything was fine. My ex worked shifts and got really really tired and also came off his anti depressants quickly and I think without doctors advice. But he seemed ok. Anyway fast forward six months from then and I started seeing little problems, we weren't spending as much time together as before as he was understandably tired, however things came to a bit of a head when I looked at his plans for the summer holidays where he had arranged to have his children stay with us for a considerable amount of time (almost a month) which would have been fine Except that every day he didn't have his kids, he was working, and then two weeks straight where we would have them continuously. I was worried that it would literally wipe him out and I was a bit hurt that he hadn't thought to factor in some time with me. Another major factor was how we could afford all those extra meals as I am a carer for my paralysed, terminally ill mum, and he isn't on a high wage. We also give his ex quite a lot each month and we have my two children also. So I don't think it was unreasonable to consider financially how we could do it. I tried to talk to him and he took it too personally and seemed to think it was somehow like I didn't want his kids (couldn't be further from the truth) I was worried though as he always wants to do quite expensive things with his children and they expect that sort of thing when they come round, just being normal kids obviously.. Anyway I decided that I would just have to manage somehow and I thought the matter was dealt with. I decided to come up with a plan of cheap meals, fun but free days out, and stuff which I did. Then about a week later he came home from work and decided we should "have a talk" and said that he came to realise he doesn't really want to compromise (his actual words) over providing for his kids. And he stated that he loves them more than me( actual words again). Of course this was awful to hear but particularly as I wasn't making it a them or me type situation. Anyway I tried to carry on and get over the hurt, and things seemed ok again. We had a lovely day together until I went for a doctors appointment. When I got to the house he was waiting outside. We had a hug and he said he loved me, then he dropped the bombshell that he was leaving. He had hurriedly packed his stuff and basically had spent the night before arranging to leave! He had spent the day telling me he loved me and now he was going.. And now it's over! The love of my life literally gone and we haven't spoken properly for weeks. Worst thing is God knows what he's told his family as they are now cold shouldering me.. I never showed him anything but love and kindness and yet it seems that he was determined to see reasons to leave. He has since said that he left because he needed to simplify his life, that he loves me but can't be a dad and with me.. What do you make of this?

pocketsaviour Sat 01-Aug-15 21:00:36

I'm sorry, that must have been very hurtful (especially to drop the bombshell on you like that) - but honestly it does sound like it was the right thing for both of you. He was short-changing both you and the kids and perhaps has realized that a serious relationship isn't right for him at the moment. flowers

RachelLunaMoon Sat 01-Aug-15 21:04:47

Pocket saviour, thanks for replying. I think you may be right, to some extent, however he wasn't shortchanging his children as he saw them whenever his ex would allow, with my support which is why I'm still so confused! Xxx

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