Afternoon.. I feel right now I have no idea where to turn. I need some anonymous advice :(
I've been with my husband for 6 years, married for 1.
He has always been the life and sole of a party until the last few years. He has slowly fallen into a depression.
Since October last year, he has been horrendous. I've had to walk on eggshells, wake daily not knowing what he was in, deal with the looks and the comments that, granted some days he didn't realise he had even made, but still they were cutting.
Sexually, I have always been highly sexed - 2/3 times a day is good for me whereas he is more like that a month. I never really took much notice and thought all would be ok.. But I've never orgasmed with him. Ever. He was always a little selfish as a lover - he would never willingly reciprocate. I always had to ask.
Since his depression has become terrible.. It's almost like I've had to guilt trip him into sleeping with me.. Which is the most degrading thing ever.
I feel like I lost who I was. I had to dampen who I was to support him. I haven't felt like a woman in a long time and I feel super unattractive :(
6 weeks ago I came home to a letter asking me to leave. He stated he couldn't make me happy and that I needed to find someone who could. So basically, thanks for a lovely 6 years, but you need to leave.
I was heartbroken. He didn't want to see me or speak to me, he wanted me completely gone. This was so incredibly painful after 9 months of supporting him through some really awful times..
I struggled for a few weeks.. But gradually started sorting my head out. I went away for a weekend on my own, bought myself a brand new car, changed my hair and have lost half a stone.. I've also had attention from other guys which has perked me up a lot and made me feel better.
A week ago I got back in contact with an old school friend who does acupuncture - I suffer with a chronic long term illness and so asked him about acupuncture.. He said he could try it with me if I wanted. So I said yes and we met up.
The chemistry was electric. As soon as the door opened, you could practically see it between us. When he massaged me, I've never felt anything like it.. But we both agreed it wasn't ok to do anything. Although we both wanted to.
So now, my husband has come back to me saying he has made a huge mistake and adores me, I'm the only one there has ever been... But I feel like I'm finally finding myself again. I feel like I'm getting my spark back.
I also, selfishly want to pursue something with this guy. If only once, I want to feel alive. I want to feel wanted.
But my husband is saying I have to stay faithful, even if this takes months and months and months to sort out which it most likely will... I feel like I'm stifled :(
I'm sorry this is so long, but I don't know where my head is at and I'm struggling :(
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
DH left me 6 weeks ago... Now wanting me back but I fear I've moved on :(
dreamingofmynextsleep · 31/07/2015 17:06
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