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Therapy / counselling - what do I do?

(9 Posts)
mynewchangedname Wed 29-Jul-15 19:45:08

I've decided to take the plunge and go and get some professional help. Several emotional, relationship and mild addiction issues which I think may stem from a not very supportive upbringing, feeling my mother especially despised me resulting in very low self esteem, an aversion to conflict, self destructive patterns of behaviour in relationships and an over reliance on alcohol, cigarettes and on occasion other things.

Feeling overwhelmed at my situation but positive that I can get to the bottom of it. I'm stumped as to what sort of counselling I need or what specialisms I should be looking for. Does anyone have any advice?

chelle792 Wed 29-Jul-15 20:19:27

Firstly, well done for making such a big decision!

Google local therapists to you. Get to know their profiles and specialities. Speak to a couple on the phone. I'm lucky, I get on really well with my therapist. If you don't click with yours after a few weeks then seek out another. I've had therapists who I havn't meshed with before and it makes the whole thing a lot less effective.

The one thing to remember is it is a financial commitment. I went into therapy thinking I would be there for six weeks. 18 months later I'm still there and it's fantastic. I've spent a fortune but would not be where I am today without it.

mynewchangedname Wed 29-Jul-15 20:34:57

Thanks so much for replying chelle. I hadn't realised that I could chop and change! I've had a look online and there are hundreds near me, feel bad about picking on a strength of a photo and a list of specialisms. Feels slightly tinder'ery.

Thank you for the financial advice too, I'm fortunate in that I can look at this as an priority, hopefully over time I'll see it as a bigger financial priority over wine, fags and the other numbing shit I shove into my self far too regularly.

Was it a particular type or style of therapy you found most useful? Sorry if that's an invasive question, thank you again.

Handywoman Wed 29-Jul-15 20:35:27

There's a variety of help out there.

I originally went for low-cost counselling (with a trainee) which was 'nice' but ineffective.

I've since started therapy with an experienced psychotherapist who I found on the BACP website.

I negotiated a fee and am SO glad I changed. It's making a massive difference.

chelle792 Wed 29-Jul-15 21:04:15

I guess since it's private you can basically do what you want. In my area there is no funding for talking therapy but I figure (no idea if this is true) that you get what you pay for.

I don't know what area my counsellor works in but she's not a psychotherapist and doesn't do cbt. We have done something called emdr which was just immense but had to stop because I fell pregnant.
I chose my therapist because she, on her website, claimed to be suitable for those looking for in depth therapy. I thought it would best suit me, just a feeling really.

I wouldn't be in the relationship I am now if it wasn't for her. I genuinely believe I'd be with another workaholic who wouldn't value me as I am. I'm now getting married and have a baby on the way.

Sorry for the verbs diarrhoea but it has been the best choice I've ever made!

I had some cbt and for me that was really ineffective. I generally don't have any problems with invasive negative thoughts but needed to establish new relationship patterns. It's done my self worth so much good.

mynewchangedname Wed 29-Jul-15 21:37:16

Thank you for your honestly chelle, its cemented my desire to do this. Thanks for the guidance handy, I think I've found a couple of people I want to chat to so all in all a positive step. Thank you.

chelle792 Wed 29-Jul-15 22:04:02

Good to hear smile feel free to pm me if you want to chat further x

sensiblesometimes Wed 29-Jul-15 22:09:51

There are a lot of therapists to choose from, don't be afraid to ring them up, or email a few carefully planned interview type questions to gauge their suitability for you, remember you are hiring them.

I stayed with a fairly weak in ineffective counseller for far too long (paid my hard earned money) but I was in such a vulnerable place I found it hard to politely move on .
I now look for qualifications, experience and distance from my home( I need privacy)
I've chosen the psycohanalytical approach (very critical / negative parents) over plain counselling and I'm giving it 6 months when I will review . I don't wish to be reliant on this forever .
However it's been bloody good( life saving) so far and I thinks it's money very well spent .
I wish you well, good luck.

Ladyconstance Wed 29-Jul-15 22:21:00

I've just finished 4 months of intense psychotherapy, CBT and psychodrama in groups. Psychodrama was the key that unlocked a great deal of horrible experiences from the past. I found group therapy more effective and quicker than 121 sessions. It made a huge difference to realise other people experienced similar events, and I found the support of other patients as effective as the psychologists and psychiatrists.

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