My mother died in February. We had a fairly distant relationship - I hadn't lived with her since I was 8 (lived with father and step mother) and while she went through some good patches she was often depressed and alcoholic. It turned out when she died that she was living in a pretty grim way too - she hadn't let me in the house for ages but always seemed OK on her infrequent visits here. We did speak on the phone once a week, but not about anything important.
I've spent the last six months sorting out her estate and doing a piece of work rather maniacally. I thought I was coping quite well and it didn't matter that much.
That's all done, it's the summer holidays and I'm not OK: my moods are up and down, I'm crying about all sorts of strange things, have low level depression, high level anxiety and clearly it's all not OK. But I do not have a single idea how to cope with this.
I know that there are repressed emotions to do with my parents divorce (not cleverly handled, but hey, it was the 70s, no one knew how to do these things) and my feeling that my mother abandoned us, but I have no idea what these are and how to process them or what to do with myself at all. I did have a couple of years of therapy about 12 years ago, but don't really have the money to go back (and to be honest it would take months to explain my family to a new therapist and I don't think I've got the energy for that).
So what do I do? I'd quite like to go to bed for a month, or even a week, but it's the summer holidays and I can't. So if anyone has any coping strategies, or even ways that I can find out what I am feeling and get through it, I'd really love the help.
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How to mourn a difficult mother.
28 replies
getinthesea · 29/07/2015 18:52
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