Hi,
Dm is my adoptive mother which may be relevant. I was adopted at 16 months.
I am really struggling to understand my DM. Her behaviour is unbelievable (really people don't believe she's like this) very erratic, irrational and she behaves like a sulky teenager, she is cold and had never told me she loves me. For as long as i can remember and i am 35 my DM has been strange, we have never gotten along and she has made no effort to bond with me. When i challenge her behaviour she cant talk to me or look me in the eye, she tells me to go away or hangs up on me, ignores me for months on end. She has honestly never had a conversation about me or who i am, she dosent know me at all.
Here who she pretends to be and believe me it all an act.
*A good Christian woman who lives for her family, purely devoted to them, all of them her brothers/sisters and parents. She is obsessed with her sisters and brother and parents and every single minute is spent with them. She even left work to look after her parents and now looks like a martyr to everyone in our small town.
Its so complicated i don't know where to begin but ill try explaining as best i can. When i was a child she would say things that i didn't understand at the time but they had a lasting effect on me. She told me when i was 4/5 that she worked as a prostitute and went into graffic detail about what she was doing, in order to bring me up as my DF was a useless drunk. However this wasn't the case and a few years later i found out she worked as a night shift care assistant in the local care home and my DF as been in the same job going on 38 years so thats all a lie. i am sure you can see how this would effect a child, i would lie awake all night worrying and crying about DM. This had a negative effect at school and as a result i was badly bullied and fell behind in my work. I barley have an education.
As a teenager she would send me out with an older crowd into town to get drunk (yes that was her request) she would give me money and tell me to have a good time and i not realising that this wasn't normal fully went ahead and did it. So at 13 i was in nightclubs drinking and flirting with older men (no sex until i was 18 though as i was afraid because of what i was old as a child). Now i cant believe that any parent would encourage and enable a child to do this, anything could have happened me and i feel she wouldn't have cared. Her extended family saw me as the problem child, the odd one out and how could i cause my Dm so much bother. They would always make jokes at my expense criticise my looks/weight/clothes and call me a slut and a tell me i had no friends and was a failure.
I was different from them in every-way possible and still am, and honestly i am proud of it now.
At 21 i fell pregnant and my Bf left me when Dc was 8mths, my Dm insisted i returned to work and she would look after my baby. So i did it, thinking i was doing the right thing for my child. After a year of working it was revealed to me that DM was giving my DC to a neighbour to look after one day a week and her teenage daughter was taking my baby out with her friends like it was doll. I went crazy when i found out and DM couldn't explain why she was doing it and seemed to think it was ok, no problem deceiving me or putting my child in danger. I moved away to another town and we didn't speak for three years.
FF10 years In that time i changed my life completely. I got a great job purely by luck and was given the change to gain some qualifications (Which makes me a snob, a know it all, i think i am better than them etc) We now speak but she still behaves like this and her family have totally excluded me "I was never family and never will be" is what my Aunt said recently. My DH found this behaviour very odd and hints neither of us can comprehend her behaviour. After years of abuse DH & I want to go NC, we are both fed up with her lies, her awful behaviour and its driving us crazy.
Can anyone understand her, Why is she like this? i don't get it at all.
If you've gotten this far, thank you. I am going to work now so if i don't reply ill be on later.
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I can't understand my DM's behaviour (Toxic?)
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yogababymum · 29/07/2015 10:30
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