NC for this.
I think my partner needs help but won't seek it. He thinks depression isn't a "thing" you just feel sad then you get over it. 
.
I had PND after first dd was born so found that comment v hurtful and demeaning.
Right now his depression ( or low spell/low self esteem or whatever) is driving a huge wedge between us.
It can account for many bad things happening in our relationship but when do I get to say " actually, low self esteem is shit but that behaviour isn't acceptable regardless of your mental health"
Lack of personal hygiene
Lack of intimacy. V distant all round and getting worse. Toddler doesn't even seem to like him much.
Doesn't help with domestic stuff
Can't/unwilling to plan ( holidays, days out, bill paying etc. all thinking work left to me)
Unwillingness to make an effort with family. In fact sucks the joy out of family time. Things feel "lighter" when he isn't there.
Gambles (not family money)
Doesn't sleep so sits up watching tv all night.
Doesn't really have friends or hobbies ( and doesn't try to make any.. Or so I thought...)
Now the worst thing. I found out last night he has an online alter ago. This other guy is bi/bi curious, talks about cheating, "likes" a lot of less mainstream sex related things on fb and Instagram, and...chatted to me on POF at same time I met "d"p. Seems he was using it as a fact finding mission. I remember the persona as he seemed like a v confused and scared guy trying to come to terms with his sexuality. I actually worried about him as he seemed so down. (What a mug am I?!)
Now I'm wondering if dp really is this guy. We have been together 3.5 years and have an 18mth old. He said he loved me first, talked about marriage after 6 months ( still not even engaged. See "can't plan stuff" above).
He says he is def straight. He blames all the shit things he does on low self esteem.
I've told him about a few sites about mental health awareness and asked for him to seek counselling but also asked him to go to his parents house this weekend ( we were supposed to be going as a family anyway, but I can't face it now)
If he is bi or gay and unhappy enough to leave, I'll be as sad as if he is straight and unhappy enough to leave. His sexuality doesn't bother me ( other than the deceit but that prob makes me more sad than cross!)
Not even sure what I need right now. Just getting it all out I suppose. I don't feel I can tell my friends or family. Heading out for the day with dd and mum and I haven't even slept :(
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Depression in relationship
BzyB · 29/07/2015 09:25
BzyB - I'm so sorry you've had a hard time of it. I think pocket is right (as usual! 
). There is a difference between being depressed and not recognising it as depression, or being depressed and seeking treatment on the one hand, and being depressed and making all kinds of bad decisions and refusing to acknowledge any real problem or seek treatment on the other.
The alter ego thing would worry me a lot, partly because it sounds like he doesn't really know where the boundaries between his 'real' self and this alternative persona begin. The fact that you have been introduced to both of them suggests this. But beyond that, I find something creepy and unhealthy in the idea that he used an alternative persona to 'check up' on you when he first met you. I think I would be quite cross at that level of deceit, actually. It introduces a power dynamic that isn't really very happy.
In your shoes, I'd set some boundaries, and the first of them would be a routine. I would get him doing activity scheduling, which is where you sit down and set some goals you'd like to achieve, then you make a kind of timetable where you write out what you intend to do every hour of the day for the next week. The key thing is to pull him back to a more normal day, where he showers at a set time and goes to bed at a set time, and does some work around the house in between. A hobby and some personal exercise time should be part of it too. All those things can help tremendously with depression.
It would be good if u went to the doc appointment with him.
I speak from experience.
You sound like such a caring lady 
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