Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do I ask him out?

(21 Posts)
takeinyourhen Mon 27-Jul-15 14:45:25

I don't go out much so no opportunity to bump into him in the pub/out. I've seen him last couple of times in the supermarket. I saw him over the weekend and before that about a month ago.

I've liked him from a distance for a long time but kicked myself for not asking him for his number when we were flirting when I saw him a month ago. When I saw him on Friday, I had seen him outside and then could not see him once I was shopping - and then I heard him come up beside me, joining my que - we had some chit chat, he smelled delicious, I even lent him my clubcard - but I couldn't find the words to ask him out!

Any advice?

No idea when I'll see him again.

pocketsaviour Mon 27-Jul-15 15:11:05

How do you know him? Do you know his name and everything?

Practise saying the words "Hey, do you want to grab a coffee some time this week?"

Go on, what's the worst that could happen! smile

takeinyourhen Mon 27-Jul-15 15:17:36

Yeah, I know his name (his first name anyway). We saw each other a little bit (ie met once or twice) when I had just come out of an awful EA relationship when I was 16. He's a few years older than me and my ex was giving him some shit and it fizzled out. That was about 13/14 years ago and I've spotted him a few times over the last year, always very cheery/flirty and when I saw him a month ago we were caught in that just looking and smiling thing for what seemed eternity until my friend shouted me over - we said goodbye and I didn't see him again until this weekend.... it's been a long month!

I definitely need a phrase to practice! Good idea, thank you for that (you can tell I don't ask many guys out!)

goddessofsmallthings Mon 27-Jul-15 15:25:11

Forget 'some time' ... after the initial pleasantries have been exchanged, just go with the 'do you fancy grabbing a coffee (or pint depending on time of day)' as in NOW. smile

Jan45 Mon 27-Jul-15 15:29:54

If you can handle being rejected then yes just ask if he fancies a coffee.

I'd never do it myself tbh. If a man is interested (and available), he asks you out.

takeinyourhen Mon 27-Jul-15 15:41:00

Goddessofsmallthings - I would LOVE to do that, but I always have DS with me, hence why I don't often go out these days.

Dilema76 Mon 27-Jul-15 15:49:23

Do you know he is single?

takeinyourhen Mon 27-Jul-15 15:53:07

Dilema - No, I don't suppose that I do - just that I've never seen him with anybody... Perhaps he isn't or perhaps he assumes that I'm married with having the child?

Dilema76 Mon 27-Jul-15 16:17:33

Oh well, only one way to find out!, she who dares wins......

goddessofsmallthings Mon 27-Jul-15 16:28:21

Regardless of whether it's a guy I fancy, if I bump into any male or female I want to talk to when I'm out and about and I've got time to spare I'll invarably say 'do you fancy a quick coffee/swift pint' or similar and, to my mind, that's an entirely different ballgame to asking a guy out on a date.

If you're always out and about with your dc, you've got a built in reason for saying 'I was just about to take x (name of dc) to (name of nearest coffee shop) - have you got time to join us for a coffee?' He'll either give an outright no and possibly suggest another time, or he'll accompany you.

Either way it's mission accomplished without there being any possibility of misunderstanding and if you're chatting over a coffee you can find out what he's been up to during the past 13/14 years and discreetly discover if he's attached - and let him know you're not if he isn't, iyswim smile

takeinyourhen Mon 17-Aug-15 10:39:36

* *UPDATE **

Just to let y'all know that having spent 3 weeks with my phone number on a piece of paper inside my purse in case I saw him with the well practiced words "do you want to go for a drink sometime, here's my number" in my head, I got a bit bored of waiting.

So, when taking DS for a bike ride near The Guy's place of work, I summons the courage to go and ask him. Which I did. Handed over the somewhat battered piece of paper (with my name on, you know, in case he gets a dozen phone numbers every day) and kinda legged it.

Then I waited.

Two nights passed and I heard nothing. I went to bed the second night and text my friend agreeing with her that he would not now be in touch....

When I woke up, upon checking my phone for the time, I had two messages from a mystery number sent the previous evening (past my bedtime) from The Guy. Apologising for texting so late, I had totally taken him by surprise coming to his work and TWO KISSES! I could have died! He's free today - am I free today?

The text exchange that morning didn't really tell me very much other than that his Saturdays aren't very busy. Yes, I was free and so we met for a walk.

During the EIGHT HOURS that followed, I learned that he's fancied me for ages too. I must say that I was quite cross that it had taken me so long to pluck up the courage to ask him out when he's also liked me for so long and couldn't he have asked me?? Apparently, he doesn't ask girls out - I think he's a bit shy with that kind of thing.

I finally let him leave me at 9.15pm when I could prolong the walk no longer!

So thank you for all of your support and encouragement - it definitely paid off!!

ARV1981 Mon 17-Aug-15 10:48:06

Awww lovely story grin

When are you meeting up again?

Don't forget to take it slowly though. Don't give too much away too fast. And have FUN.

Xxwink

FunnyNameHere Mon 17-Aug-15 10:48:23

Did you literally just walk around for eight hours?? Did he at least feed you?

takeinyourhen Mon 17-Aug-15 11:02:58

Yeah, we did stop for lunch, but I had such terrible butterflies, I struggled to even eat a tea cake! It was awful! But yeah, we spent most of the time walking, adding on extra bits to make it longer... it was a lovely day

I'm seeing him again tonight actually.

Luckily, I'm on holiday from this weekend for 2 weeks and so have no option but to take it slowly. Brilliant excuse not to see him every single day!!!

pocketsaviour Mon 17-Aug-15 11:36:17

Hooray! Well done you!

takeinyourhen Mon 17-Aug-15 11:39:32

Thank you Pocketsaviour !!

Apparently his boss at work, when he asked him if he's called me yet and he said no, he wasn't sure what to say, his boss said "it took a lot of courage for her to come to your work like that - and she's gorgeous, if you don't ring her, I bloody will!"

FunnyNameHere Mon 17-Aug-15 13:29:04

Awwww!!! Love it!

InTheBox Mon 17-Aug-15 15:45:11

Fantastic!! Have fun! About time too!!!

shovetheholly Mon 17-Aug-15 16:00:56

Awww, great update! And well done you - that really took some guts. I'm so glad it paid off. How exciting!

travellinglighter Mon 17-Aug-15 19:41:34

Awesome. wish it would happen to me.

TL

Smilingforth Tue 18-Aug-15 06:43:37

��amazing!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now