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Is this a red flag?

(105 Posts)
Tryingtokeepalidonit Sun 26-Jul-15 20:25:38

I was widowed 41/2 years ago and met my partner 1 year ago. a few weeks ago he moved in with me. All fine so far. I have 3 DC the younger 2 are at uni both doing Medicine so home less that some other subjects perhaps. All three like him.

Friday, DS (21) came back from four weeks working in an orphanage in Asia. I naturally was delighted to see him and did the normal mum stuff, cooking favourite meals, sorting his washing and just chatting. DP has become visibly irritated by this and this afternoon when DS and I were joking as we tidied up after lunch, to which DP's mother and 2 DD came, said "I am fucking well going out whilst you ignore me for fucking golden boy".

I think I will tell him to move out. He isn't fully unpacked and the tenant has not yet moved into his house because he was having it decorated first. My children will always come first and my reaction made me realise whilst I like him and enjoy his company ( and the sex is good) I don't actually love him and would rather be alone than bring conflict like this into the home. AIBU?

Fugghetaboutit Sun 26-Jul-15 20:27:02

What a dick. That attitude can only get worse, surely?

Fugghetaboutit Sun 26-Jul-15 20:27:13

How old is he?

iAmSiri Sun 26-Jul-15 20:29:20

Absolute deal breaker!

Whatthefucknow Sun 26-Jul-15 20:29:31

No YANBU. What a revolting thing to say and horrible of him to denigrate your relationship with your son. Massively unattractive and immature spoilt brat behaviour. Jealous, vicious and disrespectful. Get rid. If he hasn't been like this before he has been hiding his horrible bad nature but feels more secure asserting his dominance now he has moved in. Bye bye bully.
How vile.

FadedRed Sun 26-Jul-15 20:30:24

The flag is soooo red it can be seen from space. Sorry Op flowers

CookieLady Sun 26-Jul-15 20:30:35

Get rid. Not being unreasonable in the least.

Buster08 Sun 26-Jul-15 20:31:14

What a horrible thing to say sad you've not seen your ds for ages and all dp can do is get all jealous and go off in a strop? Yes, massive red flag, he's showing his true colours and this won't go away.

pocketsaviour Sun 26-Jul-15 20:31:29

My children will always come first and my reaction made me realise whilst I like him and enjoy his company ( and the sex is good) I don't actually love him and would rather be alone than bring conflict like this into the home.

You said it! Kick this childish, sulky prick to the kerb!

Gabilan Sun 26-Jul-15 20:31:34

If it were a complete one-off and you loved him I'd say talk about it. Since you don't love him anyway and presumably won't magically fall in love after a year together, I think you may have to end it.

antimatter Sun 26-Jul-15 20:31:38

Did he really use thise words?

I am speachless that he didn't show off his colours sooner!

newnamesamegame Sun 26-Jul-15 20:32:03

It's more than a red flag, its a screaming red beacon.
I think you do need to tell him to get out, pronto.
Your children obviously come first, but leaving that aside its just dickish behaviour of the highest order.
Sorry you're going through this, but you must kick him out.

gaggiagirl Sun 26-Jul-15 20:33:34

You sound like you know what you want. That's excellent. Now get rid of the tosser!

Tryingtokeepalidonit Sun 26-Jul-15 20:33:53

54, also widowed with 2 DD, 19 and 22. I just thought that if he can behave like this within weeks of moving in...? I also realised that my feelings for him are not that deep so why put up with tantrums? Plus DS is my golden boy!

girliefriend Sun 26-Jul-15 20:34:37

Oh my God shock I am quite shocked by that.

Err yes a massive red flag, I would have told him to go out and not come back ever!!

What a horrible nasty thing to say to you.

rosieposey Sun 26-Jul-15 20:35:47

Wow! I was a single mum of three after my divorce and when my now DH came on the scene my dd's who were then 16, 14 and 11 made him jump through a few hoops i can tell you. But, because he was a grown up ( even though he didn't have any children of his own ) he was fine with it because he WANTED it to work and not all on his terms either.

Fast forward 8 years and two DS's later and its all good, DH knows when he comes first ( not often I'm afraid ) and when the kids ( eldest now 23 so similar ages to your three apart from the two babies ) do - no question and your DP should know that too, what a wanker!

Hate to say this but listen to your instinct, it wont get better, at this early juncture he should be on his best behaviour and still trying to keep a lid on it ( if he does indeed have dickish tendencies ) the fact he has lost control this early on says a lot and take it from me i have been in relationships with people like him :-( sorry.

TwoTwentyGowerRoad Sun 26-Jul-15 20:36:45

Wow! Listen to the wise vipers of MN. Every one spot on so far. What a nasty bastard!

AskBasil Sun 26-Jul-15 20:37:20

Why would it make any difference whatsoever if she loved him?

He's just shown her what he is - a selfish, entitled nob who expects her to revolve her whole world around him and gets really pissed off when she does something else with her life that doesn't involve prioritising him.

Even if she loved him, that would be no reason to have him in her house.

Well done for spotting his nobbery immediately OP, no one needs crap like this in their home and their life, do they?

nozzz Sun 26-Jul-15 20:38:36

Quite a worrying comment made by your partner.

Thebluedog Sun 26-Jul-15 20:40:38

Run, run for the hills shock

Fugghetaboutit Sun 26-Jul-15 20:41:16

Jeez acting like that in his 50s. Loser

gotstogonow Sun 26-Jul-15 20:42:24

Hear this, no mofo would last with me the minute he uttered that shit about my ds. Fucking insecure jealous pos.
Children are precious, men meh!
You sound like a good mum, surely there's a man you can find who isn't so pathetic

paulapompom Sun 26-Jul-15 20:46:27

So sorry he acted like that op. Think you are totally right and sound like a lovely person and mum. It's quite early days for the honeymoon period to be over, I could only imagine him behaving in more and more selfish, aggressive ways.

The way you have welcomed your ds is perfectly normal imo, and if 'd'p has a problem, there is something really wrong with him. flowers and wine

Tryingtokeepalidonit Sun 26-Jul-15 20:56:34

I have to agree with you all, he will have to go. His eldest DD just confirmed this as she left when she told me not to worry he often lost his temper with her mum but was OK when he calmed down!

My DH and I were together nearly 25 years and the worst he ever called me was the Inspector Clouseau of financial management and to be honest that was a fair assessment. We argued about issues and it was never personal abuse. I was already concerned when he went to bed at 10 last night because he didn't like the film we were watching because he flounced for want of a better word.

Thanks for all the feedback, it helps not to feel you are overreacting.

TwoTwentyGowerRoad Sun 26-Jul-15 21:00:07

Yep - he's a knob alright - lose him and breaaaaaathe! How bloody dare he!

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