can someone cheer me up please?

[ggg123]

I have posted before and with such lovely response thought id post again... maybe i need therapy, not sure. I'm trying to keep it short...I have found life difficult lately as a single mum with no family support (selfish parents) ex has stopped contact and I'm mentally exhausted. I am desperate for a 'normal' family (grandchildren sleep overs, sunday lunches) but 20 years later and lots of broken promises, I'm pretty much broken too. Mental abuse and being put 2nd has made me stronger though and I will never ever be that parent. My girls come first.
Almost nearly losing our home recently it has been an emotional roller coaster. I met a guy in between. Perfect but I wasn't sexually attracted to him but thought it was me as no one has ever been kind or put me first anyway 18 months later on and off (no sex) I still couldn't see him as a boyfriend. This was 3 months ago....in that time I have dated not so nice guys, my ex has cut contact with our daughter's, lost my job and almost my house, my mum is dating again so we take the back seat, I don't have any other family and have basically begged my mum to help me as I'm feeling so emotionally broken but she just can't do it! Anyway I mailed this guy 2 days ago asking him back (I am so lonely I have no one) he has met someone else and isn't interested and I completely understand but he is the only person in the whole world that is nice to me well was!

[Anniegetyourgun]

Gosh, you have been through the mill, haven't you? Awful that your mother feels unable to support you - why do women like this bother to have children, you have to ask yourself? Bet you'd never do that to your daughters. Whatever else happens at least you have them.

It's sad the guy you used to like is not available but really, although he was nice to you, he wasn't really suited to being your boyfriend so there may have been more hurt there further down the line. I know it feels like just one more knockback but it is probably for the best. At least you know now that nice guys exist (hiding, somewhere!).

What do you mean about nearly losing your house? Are you about to lose it or have you saved it?

[nequidnimis]

I think you sound amazing - despite everything you've been through, and all of the rubbish that you're putting up with right now, you are still putting your DDs first (and that's something your ex will never be able to say).

I don't know your story but I think you need to cut yourself some slack; you got out of an abusive relationship, have made - and held on to - a new home, weathered redundancy and a lack of support from your mum, and are still battling on.

It sounds such a cliche, but it really is just a matter of time before your situation improves and you look back on this time of ordeal with pride.

In the meantime please stop looking for support from people unwilling to provide it, it is too upsetting to be repeatedly disappointed. Your own resilience have got you this far and will continue to do so.

[MB69]

This probably sounds a bit feeble, but it looks as if you are a bit short of resources to make many practical changes at the moment. You mention therapy. This would help because it would offer you the prospect of interpreting your life and recent experiences in a different way and it might be the case that the changes that you want in your life may only come when you see it from a different perspective and frame of what feels meaningful. However, this may not be affordable. So, as a second best option, I suggest you read one of the many books written by James Hollis which offer the prospect of finding a more substantial meaning to life. There are plenty on Amazon.

[ggg123]

Thankyou :)
I put the house up for sale as I couldn't keep up with mortgage payments and my sister has moved into her dream home and was going to rent me her house but in the meantime she moved lodgers in to cover her mortgage payments and then when mine sold she changed her mind as the lodgers are paying over and above. Completely disappointed but not surprised by her choice. My sister has never been in my position and we don't see each other as sisters do. The house thing was going to benefit her too but obviously the lodgers benefit her financially.
I question why my parents had children but the sad thing is over the last 5 years they have tried to get back together 3 times to become a 'normal' family and 3 times life feels like its going to be 'normal' and we play happy families only to be disappointed again. I have completely lost hope of that now and I guess that is why I'm so lost right now and lonely because its hitting home that I really am alone.
I have a new job in a school so I can keep the house (I will be eating beans on toast for a while) so thankfully we can stay. I was so scared as we had nowhere to go.
Thankyou for your messages :)
I will look at that book. I need something I feel exhausted.
I know I am lucky in so many ways. Loneliness is actual pain though isn't it?

[MB69]

Loneliness is very difficult. But coming out of that state isn't just a practical issue. It depends upon how we see ourselves and what we do about becoming the person we want to be. The only thing we can change is ourself. Trite though it may sound, the collection of difficulties that you currently face do give you the opportunity to move on from a way of life that wasn't really working to not just find but create something different- something that might fully express the authentic side of you. You might enjoy it!

[sandgrown]

No wonder you are exhausted you have a lot to cope with. Maybe you will meet some friends at your new job? If you are,asked to go on a night out make yourself go as you need some "me" time and who knows you may eventually meet someone. Can you start a new hobby or sport and widen your circle of friends? When you feel down it is easy to shut yourself away. You are doing great !

[ggg123]

Thankyou :)
I may do, hopefully.
My girls have seen me so upset today which I hate but I haven't been able to control my feelings today. I haven't cried like this in years. I asked my mum to have them but she is busy. I thought that guy would be there for me no matter what but he isn't. I want to call him to show him how upset I am but I know deep down it won't help.

[Molly333]

I've been in exactly the same place as you ,no help,no family , v lonely for years do you know what saved me ? Counselling once a week for my self esteem and education as it kept me busy and I didn't feel so lonely , give th a try xxc

[ggg123]

I cried all day and haven't stopped today. I wonder how I can cry so many tears :( I am waiting for a call from the doctor as I need help. I couldn't sleep last night and was upset until about 3am texting that guy who basically allowed me to beg only to shoot me down. I did beg! If he cared he would give me a chance. I don't know if its him i want or someone who cared for me to take away this pain. Apparently this girl he has taken out once is more important now.
I feel I want to go to sleep and not wake up. That way I can't feel anything :(

[nequidnimis]

I'm glad you've contacted your GP as she will be able to prescribe medication and/or direct you towards other services that can help you.

I don't know what else to say really, but that guy wasn't what you need right now and in time you'll see that it's for the best that he moved on, for both of you.

Keep posting, there's wonderful support on here.

[ggg123]

Thankyou, means alot :)

[MB69]

I think that nequidimis has offered good advice. The "answer" right now is not in another relationship. If the doctor offers pills think carefully. The long term answer is in psychological or emotional help - like counselling.

[ggg123]

I understand counselling can help but this is pain after rejection after rejection along with divorce, ex cancelling contact so I have no help at all now and I'm trying to keep us financially stable and throwing in loneliness kinda makes me feel hopeless to find happy. I don't know what a counsellor can do I know its down to me I just feel exhausted from the continuous climb

[nequidnimis]

Is there anywhere locally where you can meet mums going through similar stuff OP?

Mine are all teens now but when they were little there were things like Surestart and Gingerbread, maybe your GP could direct you.

Sometimes a chat with someone who understands can make all the difference.

[Smorgasboard]

Hang in there is all I can say. Had loads of bad things happen in 2008, felt like living in a disaster movie.Can honestly say I would not have hung in, but for DS.
Life is much nicer these days, still a financial struggle, but I have a nice BF who helps a lot with that. Took about 5years, a few dead-end OD experiences, then gave it all up for 2 years and just got on with my own life. It's true, you make the best choices in a partner when you have taken time to sort out who you are and where you are going. Don't go clinging to the next male rock, accept it's up to you now and things will work out. Independence is a great trait to acquire and a more attractive one. I may want a particular man, but I'm well aware I don't need one. Puts you in a strong position ;-)

[ggg123]

I have medication now. Really need itto kick Iin as my head is so heavy.
I haven't thought about trying to make friends that way. I did get upset on the phone to the doctor but they seem to wantbto prescribe you medsand move on. I kknow there is nothing else he can do though.
I was super independent a year ago being single for 3 years and then he came along and I slowly lost all independence and kept trying to tell myself my feelings would grow for him as he was so kind and thoughtful and helpful. Things around me started to fall apart and I kept needing him more until 3 months ago but recently hit rock bottom and begged him to come back.
I am waiting for the meds to kick in to actually think straight cos right now I can't I feel I have lost someone maybe the only person that was nice to me.
I know I have done it alone before and I can again I just feel less hopeful
Thankyou all so much for your help :)

[LetsTessalate]

Hi ggg

You've had great advice here. I just wanted to say I think you are very, very strong. You've overcome so much and things WILL get better. You are a fab mum to your daughters and that's the best gift any parent can give to their children. Hang in there, and be gentle to yourself

[ggg123]

Aw thank you LetsTessalate :) I have had great advice. Mumsnet has helped me out so much and I appreciate it so so much. Its nice to know people genuinely care!
I have tried to be so strong, I guess this is why I feel completely broken and desperate. It all has got way too much but I will do and thankyou xx