This is a bit of a whinge but I'm really angry and need to vent but also need a bit of an objective view on whether or not my ex and I can really remain friends. He moved out 3 months ago at my instigation for numerous reasons (borderline abusive behaviour, heavy drinking, not pulling weight domestically and refusal to participate in family life being the main ones).
Despite this we have been getting on much better recently and spending time with our DD at weekends which has been fun. He has also said he understands that he was a nightmare to live with and that he is trying to change as a result of what's happened.
I had thought we could have quite a good friendship and now I'm not so sure.
Something has just happened today which for me encapsulates the reason I decided to end it with him but also makes me wonder if he can move past his selfishness.
So he usually sees our DD on Sunday and tonight he was coming around to our house and the plan was for them to watch a DVD together and I would join them after I took a break from work (I work from home on Sundays). Ex and I were then going to eat together after DD was in bed and he would then go home at which point I would resume working.
He proposed the dinner (with me) earlier today. I said I was happy to do this with the proviso that I was going to be very busy working and wouldn't be able to take much time out to do anything other than eat a meal with him.
So he turns up an hour late to see DD and immediately goes to bed (in our former marital bed) and goes to sleep, saying he's exhausted. He had also been drinking beforehand. Not loads, but I thought it was slightly bad form given the circumstances.
Background to this is that one of the many things that used to drive me insane when we were married was the amount of time he spent sleeping at weekends (usually 5-6 hours on Sat and Sunday) and the fact that he essentially would sleep and leave me to do all the rest of the dog work, then moan about the condition of the house etc. He lacked the desire or drive to do anything with his free time except sleep, watch TV and do an occasional bit of housework. It started to really sap my energy and enjoyment in life. And I got to the point where I felt totally resentful of the fact that he wasn't pulling his weight.
I said to him fairly curtly that it was fine for him to have a quick nap but that he was here to see DD, I was preparing her food and also working and I would appreciate it if he didn't sleep for ages. He said fine, half an hour, tops.
I then woke him up an hour later and said I really needed a bit of support, DD was crying about wanting to play with him and could he get up. At which point he stormed out of the house, slamming the door and taking the provisions for the dinner he was going to cook for me, home.
I'm seething. I feel it demonstrates to me why I was right to kick him out IMHO. But I also feel depressed that what could have been a good, steady family relationship of exes raising a child in an amicable setting has been sabotaged, again. Am I over-reacting? And do I need to put more distance between me and him?
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Relationships
Have I been kidding myself we can have an amicable split? - long, sorry
newnamesamegame · 26/07/2015 17:48
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