Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

husband not home again

(9 Posts)
stupidandembarrassed Thu 23-Jul-15 22:47:11

Long story short, h and I decided to split a month or so ago. Due to finances and the current tenancy on our property we've decided to live in the same house, in separate rooms, etc. until we can both move out.
We have a DS and I'm currently pregnant (no lectures please, shock pregnancy after being told I couldn't have any more children).
Since the 'split' h has been going out very regularly, sometimes staying out all night, won't say where he's been or who with.
I know it's really nothing to do with me any more as we're not 'together' but I feel like he should have a bit more respect and not rub in my face that he's clearly with someone else already, while I'm sat at home looking after our son and carrying another!
He's done it again tonight! 'I'm going out for a pint with xxx'...4 hours ago.
I know I'm over reacting and I know I have no right to be pissed off, but I'm so emotional at the moment I'm finding it really hard and upsetting.

FolkGirl Thu 23-Jul-15 22:50:25

That's a bit shit sad

Is tgere anyone you can invite round next time or phone for a chat?

Penfold007 Thu 23-Jul-15 22:52:51

Sorry but he's your STBXH and is under no obligation to tell you where he is. You need to make sure he looks afte his child and you get some down time as well.

PushingThru Thu 23-Jul-15 22:56:14

I think the best thing for you all would be to live apart as soon as you can. Irrespective of what's now 'allowed' as a result of splitting up, It is insensitive. Most people would feel the way you do.

Coconutty Thu 23-Jul-15 22:57:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stupidandembarrassed Thu 23-Jul-15 23:11:26

I don't know whether I should Coconutty. I love my home and want to stay here (i have a reasonable salary for the area I live in as well as a fantastic bonus structure and am entitled to tax credits/child benefit so I can afford to live here on my own, whereas h couldn't) which is why we were waiting until the end of our tenancy before deciding on housing arrangements. If I leave and he can't keep up repayments on rent etc, I will be liable as the contract is in joint names.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Thu 23-Jul-15 23:22:57

You've got to detach. Mentally put him in the category of "roommate only" and ignore. I know it must be frustrating, but that's about all you can do. You wouldn't want to have to report your whereabouts to him - he doesn't have to tell you what he is up to either (except for, of course, agreed upon childcare arrangements).

DragonsCanHop Fri 24-Jul-15 00:05:15

Room mate dept and get a calander, put dates for when you would like to go out with friends on it and ask him to do the same.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 24-Jul-15 03:08:40

How long till the tenancy agreement is up for renewal?

From what you've said, it seems you can afford to pay the rent on your current home without your h contributing and, if this is the case, there's no reason why he shouldn't leave now.

In any event I would suggest you source a SHL who specialises in divorce and family law which will serve the dual purposel of enabling you to petition for divorce and begin to emotionally move your h into the file marked 'stbx'.

While he continues to remain your home, as advised above by Dragons, mark your respective social engagements on a calendar and ensure that you get out of the house as much as he does.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now