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Boyfriend on escort site

(122 Posts)
SophieSuperStar Tue 21-Jul-15 21:33:59

Hi, all, i am very new to this site, recommended by my friend. this is my first post. So here goes...... i checked the history of our computer and found my boyfriend has been visiting a site called Adultwork. a site for escorts basically and visited a profile of a lady on there who "works" locally to us. I do not know how to bring it up, I am 99.9% sure he has visited the prostitute. sad what to do, advice please

needsomefeckingprivacy Tue 21-Jul-15 21:38:55

Leave him.

mrstweefromtweesville Tue 21-Jul-15 21:40:36

Leave him. Don't talk about it. Get checked for diseases. Leave now, go to the sexual health centre later.

thenightsky Tue 21-Jul-15 21:40:40

He's not just being nosy is he?

I think all sorts of dodgy stuff would come up on my computer due to links I've clicked on on mumsnet alone!

Ohfourfoxache Tue 21-Jul-15 21:41:03

Oh Sophie sad

Needsome is right I'm afraid.

Tell us a bit about yourself - do you live together? Have DC? (Dear children)

You'll get lots of advice on here

needsomefeckingprivacy Tue 21-Jul-15 21:46:56

Sorry, I was a bit blunt. The best thing to do is just to leave him now. If you ask him about it, he will lie to you, and you will end up doubting yourself. He has no respect for women, and he has no respect for you or your health. Please get an STI check as soon as you can at your local sexual health clinic. The staff there will be lovely and understanding.

He will probably try to say he was just curious, but we have seen that time and again here, and it always turns out to be a lie. Please leave him or your self esteem will be in the gutter, and he will just do it again and again. Don't waste your precious time with this excuse for a man. Somebody who pays for sex is just not a nice or good person, and you deserve better.

borisgudanov Tue 21-Jul-15 21:47:28

Get rid of the disgusting bastard immediately.

pocketsaviour Tue 21-Jul-15 21:57:24

^ I am 99.9% sure he has visited the prostitute.^

Is there something which is making you suspicious in addition to the browser history?

SophieSuperStar Tue 21-Jul-15 22:03:14

Hey thank you ladies for all the messages, apart from the browsing, I just feel he has visited escorts or an escort. I know the sensible thing is to actually leave him, but it is not that easy, and no, no children as of yet, plans are on hold for that due to financial reasons.... Again than you all for the advice I really do appreciate it, not the most ideal topic to start off a first day of joining.

needsomefeckingprivacy Tue 21-Jul-15 22:09:26

Trust your instincts. Do you own a property together?

butterflygirl15 Tue 21-Jul-15 22:11:26

please make sure you get full sti testing

why can't you leave him - any financial things can be got out of surely?

findingherfeet Tue 21-Jul-15 22:14:15

Leave him before you have children. Honestly, you will not regret it and you will find someone who loves and respects you.

TokenGinger Tue 21-Jul-15 22:16:02

Speak to him. How do you know it's not a case of a friend using it, his friend saying "oh my god, I just saw 'Jessica' on this, take a look", and he's had a look.

If there's nothing else making you think it's dodgy, ask him.

NotYouNaanBread Tue 21-Jul-15 22:17:31

It is that easy. There is simply no situation where you can be physically prevented from walking away.

Do you have any family or friends? Do you have any money at all? A job?

SophieSuperStar Tue 21-Jul-15 22:17:58

We currently live on rent, saving for property, you are right I should go to clinic and get checked, but we have both been so busy with work/work patterns we ain't had any "closeness" for couple of months.

AskBasil Tue 21-Jul-15 22:19:10

Why would you want to have children with a man who despises women?

Even if he hasn't visited a prostituted woman, the fact that he has looked, that he can be "curious", is just enough to tell you that he's not good enough for you.

A man who thinks it's acceptable to pay to rape a woman (because that's what prostitution is, men having sex with women who don't want to have sex with them and only endure it because of the money), is a really vile man. You deserve a better partner and your future children deserve a better father. Please believe that.

SophieSuperStar Tue 21-Jul-15 22:19:12

Yeah my family members do live close by (20 mins drive) and I do have a full time job and some savings too, it's just it's v difficult to leave a relationship when in love, and when u r best friends too

SophieSuperStar Tue 21-Jul-15 22:20:44

sad I have always said that and I agree too, prostitution is rape.... I need to think long and hard... I can't just throw away 3 years

AskBasil Tue 21-Jul-15 22:23:06

Oh Sweetheart, it's better to throw away 3 years than a lifetime.

Don't think that because you've invested time in this relationship, you need to stay in to get a return.

It's a bad investment. Cut your losses.

Holden10 Tue 21-Jul-15 22:24:05

A best friend and someone who is in love with you wouldn't be shagging prostitutes behind your backsad sorry. Do get sti checks.

SophieSuperStar Tue 21-Jul-15 22:24:18

I need to make sure and hear it, that he has cheated on me, I've got to ask him, just don't know how to bring it up, I hate confrontation,

TokenGinger Tue 21-Jul-15 22:25:25

Sophie... Have you not considered that a friend may have sent him a link to say "look at her" kind of thing if she lives locally? Somebody they went to school with or something?

If you have no other evidence or inkling that he may have been unfaithful, I think it's premature to jump to conclusions.

Gosh, if my DP checked my browsing history, he'd have a fright! I google the most bizarre things from reading on mumsnet!

BromleyGal Tue 21-Jul-15 22:25:53

Love is not your partner paying a prostitute for sex, browsing for others. That's not love. That's disrespect - to both you and to all women.

You have no ties with this man - no children, no mortgage. Get out now. It will only get worse otherwise. Especially if you confront him and then forgive him - that will just give him the green light to behave even more appallingly.

It's horrible for you, and I am sorry. And do please get yourself checked out.

needsomefeckingprivacy Tue 21-Jul-15 22:26:52

He's not your friend, not any more. A friend would have more respect for you than to do this. He doesn't love you, and he isn't worthy of your love for him. You're saving hard to buy a house and he has money to spend on using the body of a prostituted woman for his gratification.

Even if you haven't had sex recently, you still need the STI check. This could have been going on for years. You were hoping to have a child. It is very important for your future fertility that you get checked out now. Please don't avoid going out of embarrassment, or because you don't think you need to. Trust me, you really do.

How old are you? You could meet somebody lovely who would be a worthy father for your children. Is your boyfriend really the sort of man who you feel will be a good example to your future children?

SophieSuperStar Tue 21-Jul-15 22:28:09

Hymn yeah that is also possible, I need to speak to him, he is due from work in an hour or so, I don't know what to do. I don't see his friends sending him the link, but I suppose they could, my only inkling is, because he hasn't "pestered " me for tlc

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