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Boyfriend won't say my name

(1000 Posts)
YellowRose08 Tue 21-Jul-15 11:07:13

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

Pavonia Tue 21-Jul-15 11:11:34

You are not over reacting.

Tell him it is not acceptable and that tell him that you won't be seeing him again until he can commit to getting it right. It can't go on and if you don't sort it now when will you?

Houseworkavoider Tue 21-Jul-15 11:13:40

He's being a weirdo!
Is he normal a bit of a tit?

PeppermintPasty Tue 21-Jul-15 11:16:24

I've got an unusualish name that is often mispronounced. But even the thickest McThick gets it right eventually!

How odd. Can you start calling him by a different name, see how he likes it?

<childish>

Annarose2014 Tue 21-Jul-15 11:18:00

He's got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't be ARSED to say it right.

Sorry, but this would be a dealbreaker for me. My name is a fundamental thing. If you can't respect it enough to say it right then you don't respect me enoughg. Simples.

I've worked with people from Africa who's first names were baffling to me at first, but I very seriously tried to pronounce them as they instructed cos it was respectful and good manners. And not bothering would make me a dick.

It begs the question, would he continually mispronounce the name of a work colleague and tell them they just have to accept it??

DressingGownFrown Tue 21-Jul-15 11:20:12

Obviously I can understand why you haven't written your name here, but I'm really curious to know what it is. I'm guessing Josie, one of you is pronouncing the 's' and one of you is making it more of a 'z' noise. I don't understand how he can't get a 'normal' name right?

But, anyway, I'd have it out with him. It's disrespectful and rude.

iamanintrovert Tue 21-Jul-15 11:23:39

Dealbreaker

FenellaFellorick Tue 21-Jul-15 11:25:52

That's not good. His attitude about it is not good at all.

I agree that I'd be saying call me when you can say my name properly.

blueemerald Tue 21-Jul-15 11:25:58

I have a friend called Andrea and it drives her bonkers when people say An-dree-a rather than Ann-drey-a despite being "reminded" a hundred times. She stopped responding to the wrong pronunciation and people sorted themselves out.

coolaschmoola Tue 21-Jul-15 11:29:05

Sara?

StarDustMonkey Tue 21-Jul-15 11:30:41

I was thinking Chery DressingGown, with one pronouncing it Ch-eryl and the other Sh-eryl.

I wouldn't stand for that either though, as others have said it is very disrespectful and very hurtful too. How is he in others areas, as it comes across that he feels everything should be his way/he is right.

seaoflove Tue 21-Jul-15 11:31:14

Yep, dealbreaker.

This is a matter of respect. If he really cared, he would make damn sure to pronounce your name right. Getting angry and saying you'll just have to accept his wrong pronunciation is just rude to the extreme.

If he's this obstructive over such a simple thing, imagine how much of a pain in the arse he'll be over other disagreements.

Creatureofthenight Tue 21-Jul-15 11:37:23

Start calling him Steve/Dave/whatever and tell him it's easier for you than his actual name.
It is annoying enough when people you don't know well pronounce your name wrong, if you've already corrected someone any number of times it just feels like they can't be arsed. Which is not a quality most look for in a boyfriend!

lemonstartree Tue 21-Jul-15 11:43:58

Maybe its like - Mee - shell or Mish elle. Would drive me insane and would be a deal breaker. If he cant get your NAME right / cant be bothered to get your name right ? WTF

Goldmandra Tue 21-Jul-15 11:46:22

The issue here isn't someone mispronouncing your name which is a common minor irritation. It's about someone consciously showing a huge lack of respect for you, your feelings and your identity and asserting his right to continue doing so when you've challenged him.

Who the hell does he think he is, that he can decide to change your name to one he prefers?

I would sit him down and tell him that this is a deal-breaker. Either he starts to show you a reasonable level of respect and gets your name right from now on or you go your separate ways.

This will not be the only way he rides roughshod over you if you don't put your foot down very firmly right now.

He may seem lovely in every other way but this behaviour betrays his genuine opinion of you. Think very carefully about whether you want to allow this to continue and escalate, as it no doubt will.

aginghippy Tue 21-Jul-15 11:49:36

Sorry but he is not a lovely guy.

What he is showing you is that he doesn't respect you. Your name is part of your identity, it's common courtesy to pronounce a person's name correctly. He does not show you this most basic level of respect.

He is also showing you that he does not care about your feelings. You have told him several times that you don't like him doing it, but he still does it. He can probably see you cringe and your friends awkward looks to you when he misprounces the name, but he still persists. It's possibly even worse than that - he likes making you unconfortable.

paxtecum Tue 21-Jul-15 11:54:19

My boyfriend decided he didn't like my name (I didn't either) and started calling me something different.
Like a fool, I let him and then married him.

Should have dumped him over the name issue.

steppemum Tue 21-Jul-15 11:55:22

call him by another name. Different enough so it is really obvious, and introduce him to someone like that. When he comments look blank and say OH it is much easier for me to say it like this.

It is really rude and would be a deal breaker for me. My dh is not English, he has a name which is almost the same as an English name, but pronounced differently. He is very laid back and accepts that English people will say it the English way, but I am not just any people, I am his wife, the person who is supposed to love him most. So I say it properly, as it is said in his home country.

starsinyourpies Tue 21-Jul-15 11:56:45

Sounds like an idiot. If he's this inconsiderate about this think how much he'll take your concerns into account on the larger issues in life! Get rid.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Tue 21-Jul-15 11:59:11

totally what Goldmandra said. I can't believe he's telling you what he's going to call you - who the hell does he think he is?!

Sorry but you deserve better than this!

YellowRose08 Tue 21-Jul-15 12:12:00

Thanks for the replies everyone!
I'm glad that people don't think I'm overreacting! I suppose I'm used to it being said wrong, but I've never had anyone close to me get it wrong.
I have never corrected him in front of anyone as I've not wanted to embarrass him (or myself). I've said "how would you like it if I called you the wrong name" and he said he 'wouldn't care' apparently.
He said I'm making him feel bad keep saying it and that its a 'younger twister' but he can say it if he tries!!!
Argh its so frustrating! It's making me not want to be around my friends because I'm dreading the cringe moment of him saying it wrong.
Meant to be going out with him tonight for a work do- not looking forward to him introducing me lol. Should I just get really firm about it?

Haha and one of you have identified my name!

YellowRose08 Tue 21-Jul-15 12:12:54

*tounge twister

YouBastardSockBalls Tue 21-Jul-15 12:15:18

Yes just get really firm about it!

It's your fucking NAME!

DrSeuss Tue 21-Jul-15 12:19:13

My in laws have mispronounced my very ordinary English name for 25 years!
Makes me wince inwardly every single time!
I have told them many times, as has DH.
Get rid. He is unlikely to change.

DarkNavyBlue Tue 21-Jul-15 12:19:19

Should I just get really firm about it?

Unless you want him to change your name against your wishes, then yes.

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