Kissed the boss!

[Annfies69]

Hey Mumsnet

I'm very new to this site, with only signing up this morning as really need advice. I know I'll get some kinda backlash but I'm ready for it.

For the past year We have had a new general manager on site, seemed nice to meet but once in workplace, was a nightmare, always shouting, nothing was ever good enough. Never spoke to our team, if so only to pick fault... Until February this year, when something went wrong and I owed up that, indeed it was me that caused the problem. He took me into the office and thanked me for been honest and open and since then our working relationship has changed. He's more fun to be around, He speaks to us more openly now, he's trying to be apart of the team and I can see a lot of things from his point of view. We even started to text outside of work and not always about work.

Our team have social nights, which we invite the whole team, including management. Few weeks ago we had a said night out in which our boss agreed to come along too. It started off that he hardly spoke to me, we sat opposite sides of the table and only said hello. Over the course of the night, I was involved in a conversation with work friends when he came and sat to my side, so close that when he moved his hand it was brushing off My side and my leg which at first felt weird cos he's not a touchy person and goes lengths to avoid touch and there was plenty of space in the seating area to avoid touch. At one point he put his hand on my knee to help him lean over. As the drinks started to flow, he asked if I wanted another drink and asked me to go to the bar with him, so I did. At the bar we got talking about work and just general things, having a good laugh, yes maybe a bit flirting too, which must of got noticed as a random man at the bar commented "you's two should get a room" to which we laughed off and I said he's my boss.

As the night progressed, the more touchy feely we became, linking arms, hugs (I do this to everyone when one to many is had), we talked about how kids were, if I was enjoying work etc then me telling him that I thought he didn't listen to what I was saying about troubles at work and that he didn't like me as a work colleague to which he replied "I listen to you, more then you know I do, and I do like you, your one of my favourites" which I laughed off due to him getting abit tipsy, the other lasses who we were out with were joking on with him, lifting his top and stroking his belly which he laughed at. As the night continued in the nightclub, it was only me, him and another work colleague (who was drunk) we started to dance together, holding hands. Leaning against each other. I told him "I always got what I wanted "and he said "yeah I know you do"! (This was due to something that happened at work.) When waiting for a drink at bar, I started to run my nails up and down his back, which he enjoyed, asking me to do it again when I stopped, I continued on to his stomach and chest, which he liked also. We headed back to the dance floor and found the lass we were left with. As the song "hold my hand" came on, me and my boss held hands and were dancing and sing the song to each other, when he kissed me, not full on but a on one the lips. I was quite taken aback by it and walked off to loos, when I came back out he was watching for me and smiled when I got closer, asked if I was ok and just said yes... What was I suppose to say and do, I enjoyed it! I stood by my friend who was at this point practically falling over waiting for her boyfriend to come and take her home, he was asking if she was alright and if we wanted help and again was stood so close, I looked up and kissed him, he pulled back and asked what was that? He smiled and came back to kiss me, But this time my friend was looking when it happened and I just laughed it off to her but I felt something, I knew I wanted this to happen and if she hadn't been watching I would of kissed him more and not just a quick kiss.

My heads been all over the place this last week or so, we've had to work together to finalise the end of the working year, he's not mentioned nothing about that night out, never mind the kiss, he's spoke the odd word to me and called me "LauraLou" (a nickname that I've never been called) to get my attention. So I thought I would try and forget about it... But I can't :(. The drunken friend can remember us kissing but she only seen him kiss me... The once, I said that I couldn't remember it happening as don't want to be known as the girl that kisses the boss but I just can't stop thinking of the kiss and that I felt something. Now I am scared that I have ruined not only working relationship but our friendship too. I know he is much to blame as me but I can't stop thinking about it.

Neither of us are married but have children from previous relationships.

[InTheBox]

Well what is your ideal scenario?

I wouldn't broach the subject of the night out if I were you. It could have been the beer goggles or it could mean more. Do your best to remain professional at work and if he eventually brings up the subject then sound him out without showing your cards.

Neither of you want to find yourselves in a disciplinary so take all sorts of precautions wrt non work related texting and indeed stroking each other. Perhaps have a sober chat if it arises. You went from 0-60 in the space of one evening so I'm not surprised that your head's all over the place and he's gone silent.

[Fairyliz]

So neither of you are married, are either of you in a ltr?
Is so back off, if not decide do you really like him? Would you like a proper relationship? Do you have any rules about relationships in the office?
I know it could be difficult but lots of people meet their partners at work its a good place to get to know people.
If you decide sober that you really don'twant to go there then just be as professional as possible and pretend nothing has happened!

[HPsauciness]

You say neither of us are married, does that mean one or both of you is in a relationship?

Your tale seems to indicate he was a bit drunk and you were a bit drunk- and you had a drunken kiss which you enjoyed.

He's now not given really any further sign of interest, although if you go out again, he may be quite keen on a repeat performance.

I think the impact of this depends on the job you do, in some jobs, it would be fine to hang out with/start up a relationship with the boss, in others it would be almost taboo or at least not in your contract! If it's a professional job, then I would be trying to claw back your professional status a bit here especially if having a relationship with the boss is not ok. If it's not, and you could fairly easily move on (e.g. bar job) I wouldn't over think it and perhaps move on when the time comes.

But whatever you do, don't go all desperate on him, try to keep some dignity, that way if nothing comes of it, you haven't lost that much except one kiss on a night out.

[everythingsgoingsouth]

so, to cut a long story short, you had a work night out, had a little too much to drink, had a kiss. you are keen on him, he's not giving anything away.
Keep your dignity, get on with your job.

[abbykins3]

I don't see a problem other than workplace relationships can get complicated.

You said you wanted advice but I don't think you were specific.

Having read it all the way through once I don't fancy reading it again so I will just stick to what I said above.

[MiniTheMinx]

You like him, and you want to kiss him again? So you need a plan

Why not either in passing, or at the end of a one to one meeting or chance encounter by the copier, as you leave look back over your shoulder and fairly quietly (ie with some discretion according to other's proximity) say "I have been thinking about that kiss." then walk away calmly.

This will do two things and there are two possible outcomes. 1) He will feel the need to discuss it with you 2) he will seek you out to do so. My bet is that you will have your answer within two and three days because he won't be able to put it to the back of his mind. He will either think "yeah I'd like to do that again" or he will instigate a conversation telling you it was a once off drunk thing, in which case you can keep your dignity by agreeing and thanking him for helping you to clear the air.

Good luck x

[InTheBox]

MiniTheMinx She's not Ally McBeal. This isn't a rom-com.

She should do her utmost to be professional and nonchalant.

[MiniTheMinx]

Although the OP reads just as though it were! We should of course remain entirely a walking talking cv at all times and at others just breed cats and log in to online dating...tis the fashion.

[Twinklestein]

You haven't ruined anything as you're carrying on as normal. I don't get the sense that he's been distant and offish at work so it doesn't sound like he regrets it.

Given that he instigated it and was clearly into it, it sounds like you both like each other.

His calling you a nickname that isn't a general work one, indicates he's trying to establish intimacy with you.

I would do something like what Mini suggested. Making sure that no-one's around, perhaps at the end of the day when some people have gone, just walk past him briskly and 'that was a nice kiss'. So then he knows you're thinking about it. Then it's up to him to follow up.

[Twinklestein]

Inthebox, she is being professional, they both are, but that doesn't mean commnuncation about that night is off limits.

[InTheBox]

Twinklestein Bar that one night, I don't think anyone has suggested that she isn't otherwise keeping up appearances. I'd even go so far as to say that they are both to some extent experiencing the so-called 'Fear.' That sort of after effect of 'What the hell did I do last night.'

My opinion as I said in my initial post is that she should sound him out if the conversation arises without showing her cards. This isn't Peter from accounts, this is her direct boss. She could find herself infront of a tribunal quicker than she could turn and wink at him.

I know many relationships begin in the workplace, however she needs to think of herself first before launching into another repeated episode. We quite frankly don't know if he thinks this is the start of something or if he's quietly hoping that it will never happen again. But in the meantime we do know that the OP should carry on as absolutely normal.

She even says herself that she hopes she hasn't ruined their working relationship as well as their friendship. She admits that she's been replaying it in her mind ever since, as such she shouldn't be advised to now launch into another head-fucking shit storm.

She should play it totally cool and ambivalent until he shows his hand. Not only is he the one in authority at work, we also know the OP has a thing for him too. Let the man breathe and decide whether to take it forward or not. If he does then great, but if not, no love lost and OP gets to walk away with dignity intact. Her playing the coy girl at the printer would do her a massive disservice.

[Crosbybeach]

I did this (not quite so much detail as in OP). We've been married 10 years.

[MiniTheMinx]

Coy ???? I don't think I recommended being coy

Coy- shy or reserved, coquettish, modest

To simply say "I'm thinking about that kiss" and then walk calmly away in no way tells him what she is thinking about that kiss, or infers she is being coy. Its an ambivalent statement, because it needs to be, just in case he would rather forget about it. It does though sow the seed in his head that she may be interested, and provoke him to raise the subject, ie sound her out. I'm not suggesting she should find numerous opportunities to flirt, or throw herself at him, or horror upon horrors try to initiate a conversation about it.

[InTheBox]

MiniTheMinx & Twinklestein Yes, I did mean coy r.e. coquettish. She should not follow any of your advice with regards to saying something like "I'm thinking about that kiss." Or indeed anything equally ridiculous. Even if she calmly walks away it does definitely affirm for him that it's been playing on her mind. It is in no way ambivalent. It's about as subtle as a giraffe driving a Fiat Punto.

I doubt if you'd spent the evening playfully kissing and stroking your boss that he'd need his memory jogged. He doesn't need any seeds sowing in his head, he proactively kissed her twice and apparently calls her by some nickname only known to them. I very much doubt he's forgotten it.

I don't dismiss that something could come out of this, but I don't think the OP should chase it any further than she has. The ball is firmly in his court. And I do disagree that he should be the one to sound her out. He should raise the subject and then she should sound him out.

If he wants to forget about it then OP walks away unscathed. Ego bruised but nothing more. If she takes on the gauntlet then her reputation is at stake, she already doesn't want to be known as the girl who kissed the boss. If she did nothing about it she'd have the added value of nothing spent nothing gained.

I'd even go so far as to say that her behaving as if nothing happened would make him question things more. If she behaved as if all was fine in the world and nothing out of the ordinary had occurred he might actually be the one to think 'hang-on'. This isn't high-school, they both have children from previous marriages at this stage so they both know like for like.

[Cabrinha]

So you always start linking arms and getting touchy feely with people when you drink too much?

Don't drink so much.

He's your boss. How much trouble do you want to store up for yourself?

All of you lifting his top and stroking his stomach? Grim.

Try staying sober and professional.

For now, just write it off. He's not interested in you, he knows what he did just as well as you do. You're no less professional than he is - but really - you say you don't want to be known as the girl at work that kisses the boss? Then stay off the alcohol and don't.

[Twinklestein]

Nobody mentioned being coy or coquettish.

Your attitude is provincial 1950 going on 1850.

Man in charge, woman should know her place and say nothing, if he decides he wants something sexual from her he will say so, if not she keeps her head down and keeps schtum.

What a load of enormous great bollocks.

He's not going to know to make the move unless she gives him some sign.

[Twinklestein]

That was to Inthebox

[Hassled]

Bizarre amount of detail in the OP.

A good general rule in life is not to snog your boss. And if you do, don't snog him again.

[Annfies69]

Sorry for taken so long to reply.
Neither of us are married nor in relationships.
I do like him, I didn't think I did until recently then this kiss happened. Feel like a silly school girl with a crush that I shouldn't have. I'm not sure on company policy regarding relationship.
Like I said I don't want to lose his friendship and def don't want to lose my job, one that I love doing. Guess I'm just going to have to wait till he mentions it.

[InTheBox]

Twinklestein I don't know why you insist on claiming I said things that I haven't or meant things that I haven't. I'd rather (as you claim) my attitude went into the dark ages than having the OP make a royal tit of herself by flirting with her boss who could or could not be interested.

You have extrapolated to a laughable extent.

I never claimed:

Man in charge, woman should know her place and say nothing, if he decides he wants something sexual from her he will say so, if not she keeps her head down and keeps schtum

However, I did say that as he is her boss and she doesn't want to risk the working relationship or the friendship then she should carry on as business as usual. If he raises the subject then she should be the one to maintain the upper hand.

And when you say:

He's not going to know to make the move unless she gives him some sign

I find it rather odd that if someone had spent the evening flirting with you, stroking you and kissing you then calling you by a unique nickname, you'd have no idea they might be interested. Pray tell, in your book what constitutes as a sign?? Should she flash her vagina at him? Perhaps add her initials to it too?

If she followed your advice she'd end up with no job and no interest from him. They both know what happened. But to follow your advice is rather provincial, you say and I quote:

"Making sure that no-one's around, perhaps at the end of the day when some people have gone, just walk past him briskly and 'that was a nice kiss'. So then he knows you're thinking about it. Then it's up to him to follow up"

So she should prance about when no-one's looking and then wait for him!?

Please stop. You have no idea what you're saying and I'd hate for someone really looking for what to do to stumble upon your half-baked ideas.

[MiniTheMinx]

I find it rather odd that if someone had spent the evening flirting with you, stroking you and kissing you then calling you by a unique nickname, you'd have no idea they might be interested. Pray tell, in your book what constitutes as a sign?? Should she flash her vagina at him? Perhaps add her initials to it too?

It was him that called her by the "unique nickname"

So it could be said that he has given some sign, flirted a little maybe to see the reaction.

[Cabrinha]

OP, you want to date someone who gets pissed then let's women that work for him lift his clothes up to stroke his stomach?

Unprofessional, and a bit too cock in the henhouse for me.

Can't you do a bit better than that?

If you were more then a drunken fumble, I expect he'd have approached by now.

Don't fuck up a job you love by mooning around over who sounds a loser.

Also - look what you've said about him... he was always shouting at your team, or not bothering with them.

The guy's an arsehole.

Why not try aiming for a man who treats his work colleagues (and especially his own team) with RESPECT.

I would put money on his being a total arsehole.

And pet names for you personally in the office?

I'd stamp that right out. Do you want to be a laughing stock? And have any achievement you make be put down to you being one of his little favourites?

He is totally playing your drunkenness, your seeming naïvety and his position.

Aim higher.

Work hard, get promoted and show him how to manage people without shouting at them or drunkenly snogging them Loser!

[MaryBerrysEyelashes]

rolls eyes

I feel 14 again

[Cabrinha]

Yeah - except the 14 year olds don't risk messing up their professional credibility when some boy plays them

[MiniTheMinx]

yes, yes, yes we know all that Cabrinha but if someone asks for directions to the station I don't give them directions to the airport.