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Any thoughts on this, In the vain hope Im not going mad

(3 Posts)
onlyif Mon 20-Jul-15 09:32:53

Firstly Apologies, this is a phone thread again. Just need some clarity and think I'm going slightly mad.
Dh randomly puts his phone on silent, and sometimes before bed, but not every night, almost as if he knows he going to get a message, if he forgets to put it on silent I have heard what I think is a message coming through usually early morning, he gets up very early so difficult for me to get to it first!

Also I have noticed that if he out with dcs on his own his phone also on silent. We have had a few trusts issues stuff which he denies anything going on, but I couldn't prove. He has lied before though, some of which he did eventually admit to. Has taken a long time to get to this point, he has messed with my head so much.

He Was very secretive with phone at the time, I have gut feeling I should of kept my mouth shut until I had more evidence. I wont make that mistake again.
I managed to take it off silent last night, unfortunately by the time I got up is phone was in his pocket!

At other times this phone just sits on the side at home, not on silent.

I don't feel the need to put my phone on silent and I take my phone to bed with me, but I know that I'm unlikely to get a early morning message.

Sadly my gut feeling is that he is still lying, I need proof. Not much else I can do is there apart from watching what is going on with this phone? Any ideas to save my sanity welcome.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Mon 20-Jul-15 09:53:44

I'd have to kill my DP if he didn't put his phone on silent at night, so I can't see the problem with this. Some people send messages at inappropriate times and sometimes unsolicited messages come in over night for work/Paypal etc so it seems like a sensible precaution to me.

However, the fact that you have trust issues with him based on previous behaviour is more of a worry. I know that bringing this up with him is likely to cause him to be even more secretive and cover his tracks better, so if you feel you need proof of his potential wrong-doing then you'll need to quietly watch and wait.

However, I think I'd be walking if I couldn't feel secure and happy with my partner and was questioning my own sanity! Reading something into every tiny move he makes and feeling like he's keeping things from you is just as damaging to your self-esteem as if he actually IS doing these things.

If he hasn't properly made amends for his previous behaviour and isn't doing EVERYTHING he can to help you trust him again then there's no hope of improvement sadly. sad flowers

BerylStreep Mon 20-Jul-15 09:57:41

Agree with everything Mark Ruffalo said.

You don't need proof of unfaithfulness to do something about it if this relationship isn't working for you.

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