Does anyone else feel like they lost themselves after being left?
Like they don't really know who they are anymore?
I lost myself at the beginning of the year, each morning I wake and look in the mirror, the reflection is always of a broke woman and I long to see ME again.
I used to love being a mum.
Now though, I resent the role and tasks that I used to relish I no longer enjoy.
I'm not naive.
I don't believe staying together for children is ever the right thing to do.
I was unaware though that he was so unhappy, he didn't talk to me about it or even mention what was destroying him from the inside.
I am hurt.
I carry it around with me like a sack of unwanted potatoes, it useless and pointless but I can't seem to let go!
I want to let go and I worry if I take much longer I'll never see me again.
He left me.
He had chosen my replacement before I even knew I was leaving.
He has lied denied and pushed me over the edge.
They're together though, two families broken apart and whilst we hurt they are happy.
My children are now third on the pecking order.
He sees them twice a month and her even more.
They deserve a father who is interested but he is not, family life is not for him he says. Fun and laughter is want he wants.
I want to laugh again. He stripped me of my confidence though, how can I laugh when the elephant that sits on my chest is at risk of suffocating me.
I miss being happy and care free.
I miss enjoying my children and looking to the future.
Worst of all I feel guilty.
Guilty that I was not loveable. That I did not deserve his respect or loyalty.
I was not good enough, so he chose to leave me and the children for his own happiness, I unknowingly made him unhappy.
So now he misses the children and they miss their father and it is because of me.
When will I let go?
Will I be the only one hurt in this ? While they skip happily into the future leaving me in a heap behind.
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Relationships
Happiness. Why can't I let go
9 replies
Bambino1234 · 16/07/2015 19:53
OP posts:
whatyouseeiswhatyouget ·
17/07/2015 10:12
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