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Feeling really sh1t about myself, and doubting my marriage

(8 Posts)
humanstain Wed 08-Jul-15 19:40:37

Hello. I'm feeling very low and unsure of my life at the moment and need to get it out.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, 5 months post-partum and our year's marriage anniversary is coming up very soon (this month). When DH and I started dating I was a size 12/14, so not slim, but I was happy with myself after losing 6 stone. Over my pregnancy I put on about 5 stone and because I got pregnant again so quickly, didn't have a chance to lose the weight, and have put on more already. I started WW after giving birth, but had to leave when pregnant.

I feel like my DH doesn't like to have sex with me anymore, and I feel it's because he's not turned on by me - turned off would be more accurate. I think it's because of the weight gained and I don't blame him for this - my current body type isn't what appeals to him - not his fault.

This is making me feel so fucking shit about myself. I know he loves me a lot and he'd never admit to this being a problem, never tried to make me feel bad about myself and reassures me etc. My belief, however, affects my attitude towards him and it's putting a strain on our relationship. I'm down quite a lot and feel distant from him because we're not as intimate as I would like, and as we used to be. Some days I just want to leave and, I guess, find someone who likes my body, fat or skinny. I guess I do resent him, but I can't blame him at all.

I feel like such an idiot writing all this. I'm sat here crying and feel so pathetic. I wish I could be more confident and just be damn happy. I love him very much, I love our gorgeous son and can't wait for him to have his little brother or sister. I can't wait to lose weight, but can we survive that long? I also get very jealous which doesn't help our relationship, but he's done nothing to make me act this way. I feel like he'd be better off with someone else.

Thanks for reading.

mistymeanour Wed 08-Jul-15 20:42:11

So sorry you are feeling down. You need to stop agonising over what you have decided your DH thinks. It's hard on any relationship having 2 pregnancies so close together. Perhaps your DH thinks you do not want to have sex with him whilst pregnant and are feeling so anxious. Why don't you talk to him and suggest being more intimate again.

FolkGirl Thu 09-Jul-15 05:36:39

Talk to him?

He has the answers. He's your husband.

Minime85 Thu 09-Jul-15 06:09:54

I agree talk to him. If you love each other as you say then there will be a way to get through

QuiteLikely5 Thu 09-Jul-15 06:18:11

Have you thought about losing weight now? I understand pregnancy causes weight gain but you are eating a lot of extra calories that are not needed even in pregnancy.

If you start cutting back on your calories now do it to achieve health not necessarily weight loss.

The opinion on the board can vary over weight gain. I admit I would not like it if my husband gained 5st. It would physically put me off him.

Some people will say he should love you no matter what and he probably does but I don't think it is his fault that he doesn't find the extra weight attractive. These things are hard wired into us.

If you did start to lose weight from now onwards I'm certain that you will feel better both emotionally and physically.

Good luck with it all and there are great weight loss support boards on MN. smile

yougotafriend Thu 09-Jul-15 06:35:43

My DS1 was 11 months old when I found out I was 13 weeks pregnant, do not minimise the emotional and physical strain this is putting on your body (experts reckon it takes 18 months to fully "recover" physically from pregnancy & child birth). Try not to judge the way you feel now as being real... It is hormonally and emotionally temporary because you are coping with so much.

But.... I agree with the pp, eating a healthy diet will not only help stem the weight gain but also improve your positivity for the future.... Healthy body / healthy mind is not a myth.

thanks to you, be kind to yourself

heyday Thu 09-Jul-15 06:53:58

Of course women put on weight during pregnancy but with a sensible diet this can be minimised. Why not ask your mid wife to help you devise a healthy diet and then start an exercise programme such as putting little one in the pram and go for a nice long walk every day. This will keep you fitter and healthier and the exercise will increase your serotonin levels so you will feel more positive about life.
Your husband may find you slightly less attractive at the moment, and I know some men feel a bit scared of hurting the baby during sex. This is a temporary thing as you won't be pregnant forever. In the meantime work on keeping yourself happy and positive. Talk to your DH, try to find a little time for yourself and each other, laugh together. Focus on the positives and don't dwell on the negatives. Communicate with each other.

mommyof23kids Thu 09-Jul-15 07:47:07

Well he banged you not long after you gave birth. Often enough to get you pregnant again so I can't see how he's that repulsed by you.
I'd bet money you have post natal depression. Tell him how awful you feel. And talk to your doctor too, I bet they see this all the time.

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