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Single mother....oh bloody hell :(

(3 Posts)
blondiebonce Wed 08-Jul-15 09:18:31

I have a (very soon to be) 1 year old DD and her father and I have just split up over the last few days. Main reason being he wanted complete freedom to socialise whenever and putting family second, causing resentment and arguments.
Luckily he's being pretty decent considering- I have the house and everything in it and he has her whilst I'm at work.
I know it doesn't seem I can complain, but I'm fairly distraught sad I love him and feel so disappointed and let down at how our little family has to change. I keep crying because I miss him and feel sad at the loss of the future we'd planned.
How can I get through this? And practically speaking, who do I contact to start ensuring I can afford to be alone?

popalot Wed 08-Jul-15 10:01:58

You need to contact the job centre first as they'll sort out child benefit, help you with child and working tax credits. Then they'll help you contact the local auth regarding housing benefit. Citizen's Advice Bureau are great at pointing you in the right direction - maybe chat with them too. Is he going to have shared custody? Is he going to pay maintenance? At some point you'll have to clarify this with him because it will affect your income and what you are entitled to.

Sounds like he might well slope off at some point if he is one of those that wants to party rather than look after his family, so always plan for worst case scenario (ime maintenance/consistent access is a bonus rather than a given, unfortunately).

Your family has changed, but not for the worse. Your dd will be happy enough without rows...you can have a happy house from now on. Once you let go of the image of family life you wanted (what we all wanted) and realise that family life can look different, a weight will suddenly lift off your shoulders and you will be free to enjoy your little family life with your dd and she will flourish in a happier environment.

blondiebonce Sat 11-Jul-15 21:32:11

Thanks so much for replying. Am following your advice and looking into all my options.
He has her 3 days a week for 6 hours each time whilst I work- no overnights yet and he just gives her lunch meals wise. He's said he's going to pay £40 a week towards her. Definately need to look that up :S
How do I judge if I'm being fair with how often he sees her? He works a lot and stays out most evenings so it's when I work during the day and as stupid as it sounds I don't feel right him having her overnight yet. I Might need a shake but I'm worried she'll not like the change each week so am dragging my heels on that.
Been trying to reason with myself in regards to my "perfect life" I had in my brain. Flitting between being majorly pissed off he couldn't grow up, to missing him, to being positive.

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