I don't know where to start really....
I am currently 28 weeks pregnant with mine and DP first child. The pregnancy is going well, no issues or complications in relation to anything to do with the baby. Thankfully.
I'm currently going through a very challenging and stressful time with DP. To be upfront, he has an appointment on Monday with a consultant psychiatrist to finally be 'officially diagnosed' with Bipolar Disorder. Without going into his whole mental health background he was originally seen by a psychiatrist 6 or 7 years ago regarding his manic behaviour patterns and depression. They first suspected Bipolar back then but he has since yet to seek any further professional help until now. I do have some small background knowledge on the illness as his mum was diagnosed with the same thing about 10 years ago. She is in a much better place and is obviously very keen to help and guide him through this as best she can.
The reason I'm looking for some advise from anyone that has been through similar experiences is because my DP seems to go through manic episodes roughly about 4 times a year, pretty much every 3 months and they will normally last for 1-2 weeks at a time. What will usually happen is that he will either disappear, as in literally go away for a few days and not come back, or he will completely shut down and hide in our flat for the period of time. I pretty much feel like I do everything in terms of housework, cooking etc. Unfortunately he is currently going through one of his episodes now and has been since about Monday. This time he is telling me he wants me to leave him alone, and that he needs time to think about whether or not we should stay together. The last time I heard from him was Wednesday (via text) and he said he 'wants to be with me, but needs time to think about what's best'. Whatever that means!? I have been staying with his mum all week as he won't see me and won't allow me to stay at the flat. I'm hoping and praying that he turns up for his psychiatrist appointment on Monday and they start him on a treatment plan. Just to add that this is the first time he has actually agreed to see any sort of consultant in many years. Maybe I'm just being overly optimistic or he's actually really wanting help now.
I know it looks and sounds like hell at the moment but if you don't live it you don't know. When he's like this he's awful and sometimes very cruel. Never physically but he can be very emotionally manipulative and thank god it only ever lasts for a couple of weeks. But when he's not like this he's still the same person I fell in love with. He's my best friend as well as my partner, and he's my son's father which is why I haven't given up hope on him. It's so hard not to take things personally, and although I am now used to this I still find it just as hard each time. Despite knowing his behaviour patterns e.g he'll be awful for a few days and then spend the next month or so trying to make it up to me. I am still scared that he is sat there trying to convince himself that he's no good for either of us and to leave for good. I know that with the right support and commitment he will be fine, so it's very stressful to hear what he is saying.
I'm sorry for the long post but I just needed to get it off my chest. Any thoughts, reassurance, advise or guidance would be greatly appreciated right now.
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Really need some advise/reassurance from people who know what I'm going through!
5 replies
lauraa4 · 04/07/2015 21:12
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