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Really need some advise/reassurance from people who know what I'm going through!

(6 Posts)
lauraa4 Sat 04-Jul-15 21:12:50

I don't know where to start really....

I am currently 28 weeks pregnant with mine and DP first child. The pregnancy is going well, no issues or complications in relation to anything to do with the baby. Thankfully.

I'm currently going through a very challenging and stressful time with DP. To be upfront, he has an appointment on Monday with a consultant psychiatrist to finally be 'officially diagnosed' with Bipolar Disorder. Without going into his whole mental health background he was originally seen by a psychiatrist 6 or 7 years ago regarding his manic behaviour patterns and depression. They first suspected Bipolar back then but he has since yet to seek any further professional help until now. I do have some small background knowledge on the illness as his mum was diagnosed with the same thing about 10 years ago. She is in a much better place and is obviously very keen to help and guide him through this as best she can.

The reason I'm looking for some advise from anyone that has been through similar experiences is because my DP seems to go through manic episodes roughly about 4 times a year, pretty much every 3 months and they will normally last for 1-2 weeks at a time. What will usually happen is that he will either disappear, as in literally go away for a few days and not come back, or he will completely shut down and hide in our flat for the period of time. I pretty much feel like I do everything in terms of housework, cooking etc. Unfortunately he is currently going through one of his episodes now and has been since about Monday. This time he is telling me he wants me to leave him alone, and that he needs time to think about whether or not we should stay together. The last time I heard from him was Wednesday (via text) and he said he 'wants to be with me, but needs time to think about what's best'. Whatever that means!? I have been staying with his mum all week as he won't see me and won't allow me to stay at the flat. I'm hoping and praying that he turns up for his psychiatrist appointment on Monday and they start him on a treatment plan. Just to add that this is the first time he has actually agreed to see any sort of consultant in many years. Maybe I'm just being overly optimistic or he's actually really wanting help now.

I know it looks and sounds like hell at the moment but if you don't live it you don't know. When he's like this he's awful and sometimes very cruel. Never physically but he can be very emotionally manipulative and thank god it only ever lasts for a couple of weeks. But when he's not like this he's still the same person I fell in love with. He's my best friend as well as my partner, and he's my son's father which is why I haven't given up hope on him. It's so hard not to take things personally, and although I am now used to this I still find it just as hard each time. Despite knowing his behaviour patterns e.g he'll be awful for a few days and then spend the next month or so trying to make it up to me. I am still scared that he is sat there trying to convince himself that he's no good for either of us and to leave for good. I know that with the right support and commitment he will be fine, so it's very stressful to hear what he is saying.

I'm sorry for the long post but I just needed to get it off my chest. Any thoughts, reassurance, advise or guidance would be greatly appreciated right now.

fusspot66 Sat 04-Jul-15 23:21:19

I can't really advise you but I'm bumping your thread as you've taken so much time writing a long post.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 05-Jul-15 08:56:05

My dh has bipolar. The only way is treatment. If he stays on his meds he does well. If he goes off them he slips back within 2 weeks. It has taken him years to accept the need to constantly take meds. As soon as things improved he would go off them as he hated taking them.. He did all that going off on his own stuff too. Hopefully he will see the doctor on Monday and accept the help. It will take a while to find which meds suit so don't expect a quick cure.We are in Ireland so my dh was in hospital to begin medication so they could monitor him. There is a lot l could say but at the moment seeing his doctor is the best thing.

Lovingfreedom Sun 05-Jul-15 10:05:28

Whose flat is it? I think now you're pregnant it would be useful for you to make sure you and baby have somewhere secure to stay. You can't keep moving out every few months with a new baby.

Offred Sun 05-Jul-15 10:25:13

Is he sleeping with other people when manic?

redannie118 Sun 05-Jul-15 13:52:28

This is very hard for you but my only advice would be if he does not turn up to his app you have to walk away. My DH has bipolar ,takes all his meds and avoids any external stimulants eg alchol drugs even caffine and at times is still impossibly hard to live with. If he refuses treatment you are faced with a battle you may never win. If he really cares for you he will get help. In the meantime see if there are any support groups in your area for people who are carers for people with MH issues,your doc or community CPN should be able to refer you good luckflowers

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