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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Meeting up after 10 years!!!

38 replies

ladygaga1980 · 02/07/2015 09:34

Long story short I'm meeting up with an old flame who I haven't seen for 10 years.

We're both single and mid 30s but live a distance away so are meeting up half way, which means an overnight stay. We have been speaking on the phone for the month or so and there is a definitely a spark but I'm not sure if I want to share a room as I think it might be a bit too intense after all this time apart. But I'm worried that suggesting separate rooms will make me look reserved and prudish...

So how do I suggest it but still keep the flirty vibe going? Also, I don't want this to be a one night thing... I really like him and am so glad we're getting a second chance but don't want to blow it!!

OP posts:

Report

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 09:39

I don't think separate rooms looks prudish. What if you meet up, don't fancy him, or it becomes clear he's just out for a quick nobbing? You'd be glad of your own room then.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/07/2015 09:41

Separate rooms, you haven't seen him for 10 years, and he may not quite be what you had remembered. You can always hop between them as required. You will need your space.

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 09:42

If you have one room, it's like you both know sex is on the menu. And when you get there you might not want it to be.

ladygaga1980 · 02/07/2015 09:57

Thanks. How to say to him though in a way that doesn't sound off-putting...?

Last time I saw him we were both free spirited and bohemian 20 somethings now I am a mid 30s divorcee. I do hope for romance and passion though after a difficult few years.. I feel like Madame Bovary (that didn't go well for her though!)

OP posts:

shovetheholly · 02/07/2015 10:00

Madame Bovary wasn't divorced. And definite YY to separate rooms.

Good luck. And don't underestimate the attractions of a mid 30s woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. Loads of women find love and happiness in their 30s.

Equally, don't be disappointed if you've both just moved on too far by now! There are plenty more fish in the sea.

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 10:02

You could say "Seeing as we haven't seen each other in so long, I think two rooms is better. I don't want to assume anything and neither should you. Let's just see how we feel."

patterkiller · 02/07/2015 10:05

I would keep it casual and say 'I assume it's seperate rooms and we'll see how it goes, it has been a while since we last saw each other'

ladygaga1980 · 02/07/2015 10:06

Thanks Holly I'm trying to trust my instincts more this time round. I just can't think of a nice way to say to him "I might not fancy you any more so need my own room to escape to"...

OP posts:

ladygaga1980 · 02/07/2015 10:07

Sorry x posts. Yes keep it casual sounds good... No need to go into a long detailed explanation/justification...

OP posts:

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 10:09

He might really, really snore.

ladygaga1980 · 02/07/2015 10:12

I definitely do!

It's possible he is also having some of the same concerns.

OP posts:

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 10:13

Two rooms then. I think it's sexier anyway. He can come and knock you up, so to speak.

ladygaga1980 · 02/07/2015 10:33

Nice innuendo!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 02/07/2015 10:42

What's the worst that can happen? If he assumes you will want to share a room with him after not seeing him for ten years that will tell you something about him, won't it? He should respect the fact you don't want to make a decision about having sex with someone just over the phone.

If I were you I'd cool down on talking sexually on the phone; he may be completely different when you meet him and you may well not be interested.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 02/07/2015 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HellonHeels · 02/07/2015 10:57

Definitely do not share a room. I had a meet up like this and the minute I laid eyes on the bloke I wondered what the hell I'd ever seen in him. Hope your meeting goes the way you want it to - good luck!

Belleview · 02/07/2015 11:03

Honestly, if you can't say what you need right now, at the start........

You know what they say, start as you mean to go on.

pocketsaviour · 02/07/2015 11:49

How about you just say "I've booked my room, have you booked yours?"

CheersMedea · 02/07/2015 11:52

I don't see why you need to even mention it at all.
Just do your own thing. Book your own room in a hotel that you like and suits you.

And then wait and see if he mentions it. If he does, then you can say your "been a while/let's just see what happens/casual etc" little speech.

I doubt anyone in that situation would assume that someone they haven't see for 10 years is up for sharing a room.

Besides if you really like him and want it to go somewhere, you should treat it like a proper first date. And don't sh*g a man on a first date! old fashioned views are best

butterflygirl15 · 02/07/2015 12:03

if he reacts badly to you wanting your own room now maybe meeting up isn't such a good idea. What if you do meet up, have sex and then come home full of optimism and then never hear from him again?

I hope it does work out - but you never know. Caution is never a bad idea is it.

rouxlebandit · 02/07/2015 14:37

If I were this man I would admire and respect you for wanting separate rooms. Too many people have casual sex these days so that it has no more significance than, say, a game of tennis! He might even be relieved that he is not under any pressure. But if things go well then let the love making be something really beautiful and special - not simply a foregone conclusion. I'm excited for you both!

Wherediditallgoright · 02/07/2015 14:48

I've got an opposite story to whatyouseeiswhatyouget. I met up with someone after 10 years or so and he had really changed in that time.

He came to pick me up from my home and when I spotted him out of the window, I thought he had come straight from work and was going home to shower and change. (He hadn't and he wasn't.) Scruffy jumper, long dirty fingernails, smoked weed all night. He spent the night on my settee fully clothed and I never saw him again.

Separate rooms.

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ladygaga1980 · 02/07/2015 19:13

OK then consensus is separate rooms. I'm going to word it in a casual way. Thanks for the advice... I will report back if anything develops.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 02/07/2015 19:42

I think you should update either way!

foxmitten · 02/07/2015 19:58

I agree with pocket there's no need to make a big thing of it, just put it into conversation. "Just booked my room, it has a view of the lake/mountains/car park, what's yours looking like?" Then if he asks about sharing you can just say since it's been 10 years you're obviously not going to book a double room, and leave it there.

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