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Married, pregnant but can't stop thinking about someone else

(23 Posts)
Loubie3788 Mon 29-Jun-15 07:10:56

Hi. I have never posted on a website like this but I just don't know what to do and I'm hoping someone can offer some advice on how to cope. Basically, dh and I had been trying for a baby for 4 years. Things were ok between us, but I guess the stress of ttc was getting to both of us. Towards the end of last year I started looking at him differently and was having 2nd thoughts about whether he was even what I wanted; we're into different things and are more like roommates than a happily married couple (been together just over 15 years)
Then we had some work done on the house, all arranged by dh for a day when he was working and I was home. When I opened the door, my jaw hit the floor...this man stood there and even though I could see he wasn't that good looking I felt...something. He stayed for around 7 hours and did his work, then left. This was 7 months ago.
I cpuldnt get this guy out of my head, we had so much in common. Same sort of upbringing, same morals, we just sort of clicked. This didn't help with my feelings towards dh and I really started doubting whether we're right for each other.
Xmas came and went, and I found out I was pregnant. This was the news I'd been waiting for for 4 years and I cried. I couldn't stop thinking about the workman and I thought if I feel like that then obviously dh isn't right for me.
3 months went by and I started coming to terms with things. Then, I got a text msg from the workman saying he knew he shouldn't msg me but he hadn't been able to stop thinking about me. He felt the same as I did!!
Ever since then, my life has been even more of a mess. I haven't acted on anything but we both know how the other feels and text each other from time to time (which I know is wrong). He's now seeing someone as he knows he can't have me. I'm still with dh and am now 30 weeks pregnant.
Can anyone help me to stop feeling like this?? I want to be happy about being pg as I wanted this for so long! And dh is a really good guy, I just don't have that special something with him... I will never act on this but if anyone can offer constructive advice on how to forget about the other guy then I'd be so grateful. I don't understand why I still feel so intensely about him when I haven't even seen him for 7 months and in the big scheme of things, I don't know him! It's so rare to click with someone and have them feel the same way and the timing was just so cruel. Any advice would be welcome. Thank you.

TrojanWhore Mon 29-Jun-15 07:23:04

You're married, pregnant with a much wanted baby, but write about a random workman like something out of a Mills and Boon.

Soon the baby will be here, and you just won't have time to romanticise someone you barely know.

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 29-Jun-15 07:29:48

Think about him farting and sitting on the toilet.

llammallamamissesmama Mon 29-Jun-15 07:34:58

Every time you think of him...stop yourself and count your blessing. Then count them again.

As you said, you don't know this man. You are filling in the gaps in your head to make him Mr Perfect. For the love of goodness woman, STOP texting this man, you've no reason to be in touch with him. Do it now before baby is born. Concentrate on your husband and the reasons you love him. It's grossly unfair to him. Try to realise that what you are attracted to is a fantasy.

Or leave now for the greener grass and flush your life down the toilet.

rumred Mon 29-Jun-15 07:35:08

Difficult. The workman has brought into sharp focus that your marriage isn't making you happy. Whether it's salvageable only you know. Have you talked to friends about your relationship? Now is the time to do this. Or consider counselling. Attractions are addictive and exciting but like the pp says they focus only on the good and thrilling bits.
I think you need to speak about this with someone you trust.

llammallamamissesmama Mon 29-Jun-15 07:36:31

Hey fanjo, toilet related cross post, great minds wink

hamsterescape Mon 29-Jun-15 09:49:03

It's perhaps escapism from the daunting reality ..a baby will turn your life upside down ...and the father of your baby has a vital role to play ..let him ...
This other man has no part in this let him fade away which he will

wannaBe Mon 29-Jun-15 09:57:38

it'll never sell.

TheStoic Mon 29-Jun-15 10:01:23

First of all, stop saying 'I will never act on this'. Famous last words. Everyone says that.

Fact is, you ARE acting on it. Being in contact is 'acting on this'.

Just live with your thoughts, and they will fade. Let them come, and then let them go. Then write a list about all the things you love about your current life and what you are looking forward to in the future...and read it every day.

AnyFucker Mon 29-Jun-15 10:07:49

assuming this real (rather a stretch) I think you need to grow the fuck up

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 29-Jun-15 10:21:14

I agree with AF on both parts

He may sound great in your head, but who texts a married woman, unless assuming your cheap and up for a quick fuck. Thinks of you very highly.

pocketsaviour Mon 29-Jun-15 10:21:37

Can anyone help me to stop feeling like this??

Block his number from your phone, delete any messages you've got on there, and delete him from your contacts. Then concentrate on getting ready for your new baby.

(How did he get your number anyway?...)

aderynlas Mon 29-Jun-15 10:32:02

Seven hours of chat and afew texts isnt enough time to know someone. Ive had that much contact with sky , bt, etc. We chat agreeably enough but I wouldnt become soul mates that quickly. Id ignore the texts and good luck with your long awaited dc.

abbykins3 Mon 29-Jun-15 10:55:39

You say the workman and you have the same morals.

What morals are they.

None?

And don't you think a guy like him who will be in contact with women on a daily basis due to his work won't have honed his,identify with you(click skills)?

You are probably one of many in his little black tool bag!

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 29-Jun-15 11:44:13

What is with the same morals anyway. Dont most normal people have similar base morals with a bit of a variation.

BolshierAyraStark Mon 29-Jun-15 11:50:25

You know fuck all about this man, grow up & concentrate on the man you do know & are married to. You've spent 4 years ttc, of course you feel differently about DH, maybe he sees you in a different light-he would do if he knew about you messaging some random workman hey? hmm

CatOfTheGreenGlades Mon 29-Jun-15 12:03:05

I think you're getting a hard time.

You were having doubts about your DH anyway and this bloke appeared at a vulnerable moment. I think you have to take that into account. It's perfectly possible if you actually got to know him you'd find him unbearable and not a match for you at all – in other word's it's just a "grass is greener" escapist fantasy.

OTOH I've known and known of several people who had a thunderbolt moment and just knew from the start, and were right. I'm not saying it is like that, I'm saying it's not unheard of and I don't think it's fair for people to be sneering at you.

But on yet another hand, you're pregnant. That can seriously mess with your emotions and what you feel while pregnant can be extra intense and overwhelming.

What I'd say practically speaking is focus on your baby now. Whatever happens, you, DH and the baby will have a family connection of some kind, permanently, and you need to put your energies into being a new parent over the next while. If you really feel DH is not right for you and you're unhappy, give yourself time to consider that and if possible discuss it with DH too and sort out what you both want long term. Don't be in contact with workman in the meantime, as you can't focus on your life as it is if you do. If you eventually separate from DH, it should not be because of this other bloke, since you can't be sure what that's all about.

mynewpassion Mon 29-Jun-15 12:39:46

Read the thread: Wife's cheating - please help

this might bring in the devasation your actions could result.

Sallyingforth Mon 29-Jun-15 12:48:00

Getting a first novel published is tough.
Don't give up the day job.

plantsitter Mon 29-Jun-15 12:48:16

Honestly, once you have the baby I reckon the scales will fall from your eyes and you'll realise this: romantic love is a load of old bollocks. It's made up to keep us women in our place and cleverly too as it works with hormones and all the shitty gender nonsense we're sold from birth.

What's real is common cause, common effort, kindness, and emotional security. And, yes, sex, but angels don't sing when anyone orgasms, whoever it's with. All that is a trick.

Keep going. Block this guy from your phone and your mind. Consciously and actively love your H.

Good luck.

Inexperiencedchick Mon 29-Jun-15 15:21:07

Love MN :D

The replies are awesome!!!

Maleperspective99 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:42:45

Listen to Catofthegreendales which is the best advice by a mile. One thing I would say is that if you fall for someone unknown so quickly then this is telling you, you are not that happy in your current relationship. I'm not saying run off with this workman just take your time to evaluate things once the baby is born, this might make you see your current relationship in a whole new light.

Inexperiencedchick Mon 29-Jun-15 22:09:00

Agree with Maleperspective.

1. You need care while being pregnant

2. when you give a birth you will definitely need extra hands and only your H will be around as it is very much awaited child.

Try to forget him... He knows you are married and he shouldn't be contacting you in the first place... But he did, and let you know that he is seeing someone. And at the same time texting you...

Not fair towards you and the OW he is seeing. WWHDT?

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