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We are both having our non sexual needs met outside of our marriage

(4 Posts)
crje Sun 28-Jun-15 20:38:55

Dh and I have drifted lately.
It's down to a crisis I had - my best friend died 4 mts ago.
I didn't turn to dh
, I found comfort in my group of friends.
He isn't great in an emotional sense, he is a fixer , not a listener .
I am starting to resent that he wasn't there for me , Im finding fault with him all the time now.
He is in my opinion a better friend / colleague than husband .

I'm attending grief councillor and it's helping but I feel I'm also blaming dh that I even need to do it.

My best friend I'd dead and my other best friend dh isnt stepping up.I feel so lonely .

What will I do ?

crje Sun 28-Jun-15 20:40:17

Just to add , he has a best friend at work who I'm a bit jealous of .

Inexperiencedchick Sun 28-Jun-15 20:43:01

flowers

I don't know what to say...

Only sorry for your loss and I feel for you.

Please be strong, xxx

BifsWif Sun 28-Jun-15 20:59:42

I'm very sorry for your loss OP.

I was very angry and resentful towards my husband after my younger brother died as a teenager. I felt my husband wasnt stepping up and supporting me emotionally. In truth, he couldn't win either way. Nothing he said or did could have made it better, I was angry at the world and he took the brunt of it because he was closest too me. It nearly destroyed our marriage, but it wasn't that he didn't want to support me, he just didn't know how. He tried to be practical, sorting the kids out/doing the housework etc to lessen my load but I felt so lonely I could have died.

It was only after a huge, and I mean huge, row where we had come to breaking point that we managed to talk it through.

My moods were so erratic at that stage he just honestly didn't know what to do. He felt like he couldn't fix things for me. If I was angry and he tried to hug me Id push him away. If I was upset and he didn't hug me Id shout at him. Most days I didn't even know how I felt or what I needed.

You need to talk to your husband and explain exactly what you need from him. Some days I still have to say to my DH that I need a hug, or I want to be left alone - he's only human, and if the situation were reversed I don't know if I'd know exactly the right thing to do for him either, so talking to each other and me telling him how I feel and what I need helps massively.

I hope you can find a way through this flowers

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