What can I do- if anything? Dad is being assessed for dementia - results soon. If so it's early stages- he's not completely lost it. Their marriage is Victorian. As a mainly SAHM for all their life (apart from some shop work off and on) my mum has little control over spending- dad used to do all bills and still gives her weekly housekeeping. It's not many years ago ( when they are almost 80) that he 'allowed her' to have a joint account and cheque book. She has to save money out of the housekeeping for clothes etc or at least ASK him for money to spend. I think this is appalling. I left home to go to uni and they live 300 miles away. I visit as often as I can but the atmosphere is not good- they almost divorced at 70 but stuck with it.
The problem now is that Dad is not quite on the ball with money. Some of this is the possible dementia kicking in. They are in the process of renewing some house insurance and it looks as if they have been paying over the odds by a lot for many years. I've made enquiries and found something I think is much cheaper- he's not sure how much they pay but could be £200 pa too much- and they are not wealthy. My mum says she will find the paperwork to check- but has to do this when he is not in the house.
I can see how he wants to hold on to control and be 'the man of the house' but he's not on the ball enough a lot of the time. They've been ripped off with a few things lately- repairs etc- and he even 'tips' people who come and do work for them because he feels they have charged too little.
The point is- should I encourage my mum to stand up for herself and risk huge rows all the time? I think she is doing anything for a quiet life, but my dad is so controlling- my brother calls him a bully. Dad complains if she puts the heating on too much- the cost- but he also wastes money by not getting the best deals for them in other ways.
I feel she is living in fear of him- recently he threatened to hit her if she didn't stop nagging him about something. My brother spoke to him and her about this and said she ought to call the police if he does it again.
Any advice- being so far away is not easy for me.
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Anyone with elderly parents who don't get on / money and dementia issues -help!
7 replies
Littlemissmuppets · 28/06/2015 09:21
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