That's it really :(
We have DS1 (almost 8), DD (2), and now little DS2 (6 weeks).
Things have been really chaotic since DS2 was born and DH is just not doing well. He's not helping me much, he's in a terrible mood whenever he's home (snapping at me, yelling at the kids) and it's driving me mad.
I know it's not a competition but I do feel that I'm the one with more going on. I'm home with them all day, I'm breastfeeding every few hours, I'm trying to keep on top of the house stuff, and he wants to be stressed? Please.
Also he's very scatterbrained, always has been. And very slow, as in it takes him ages to do something simple like get out of the house to take the older two to the playground. There's so much around the house that needs doing and he will choose the least important, least helpful thing and then either do it halfway or finish it at a turtle's pace. I've tried to tell him that we need to be more organized and just faster with things now that we have three; we're outnumbered and unless we want our lives to descend into total chaos, we have to get it together. But then he doesn't.
He really yelled at DD today, a really loud "DON'T!" angrily in her face. She was exhausted and hit him on the arm as he was carrying her to the bath. It really irritated me. Obviously hitting is not okay and I do not allow it but the way he yelled...it sounded out of control. She's still little; she only turned two last month. He did the same to DS1 last night, really hollered at him. DS1 is at a trying age and I get being angry with him (he talks back a lot, is argumentative etc) but I don't like the yelling and being snappy all the time. After he yelled at DS they ate dinner and then DH announced he was going to take a rest, leaving me to take care of them myself and do bath times and bed after being with them all day already. Obviously I can take care of my children myself, but I was exhausted too and some help would have been nice. Though lately he's so snappy that I don't even really want his help; it feels much less tense without him to be honest.
This morning I went out without any of the DC for the first time since DS2 was born. DH only got ten days of paternity leave and DS1 was done with school (til September) at the end of May so I've been dealing with the three of them on my own for most of the time since DS2 was born and I was excited to get out.
I only went downtown to run some errands and stop by for coffee and a chat with a friend. I was only gone for a little over two hours but DH was angry when I got home because it apparently somehow ruined his plans for the day (which he had not told me about) and apparently he hadn't been able to do anything because DD and DS2 were crying, etc. Um yes, I am aware of how hard it can be, it is after all my life day in and day out!
It's just little things. The other day he was stomping around because he had no clean shirts. Yes, usually I do the laundry but I'm fucking busy if you haven't noticed! 
I assume he knew the night before that he'd need a shirt in the morning!
Right now it's 2 a.m. my time and he's at a party while I desperately try to get DS2 to sleep. I find I don't even care that he's gone. I had more fun with DS1 watching the Princess Bride before I put him to bed than I would with DH and his grumpy attitude.
Sometimes I think we just need a better routine and more sleep and it will all pass, but sometimes I worry that DS2's birth has revealed a side of DH that I don't really like and can't see myself living with forever.
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Relationships
DH not adjusting well after DC3
CheerfulYank · 28/06/2015 08:16
Thank you :)
Yes he did want DC3. He's the reason we have him at all really, he's Catholic and wanted to try "natural family planning". 
Well, you can see how well that worked!
That's another thing that's annoying me. I love DS3 to pieces; he is a gorgeous little thing and I don't regret him at all. But it irritates the shit out of me that DH was so keen on NFP and then has been like this about the consequences of that decision.
He went to a party???
Sorry - but I don't think this is depression.
This is selfishness, laziness and thoughtlessness.
OP - you probably will find it easier without him TBH. He sounds as if he has decided that being a partner and parent isn't for him. 
Schnitzel yes, all the DC are his.
We've been married for almost nine years. DS1 was also a "surprise". (You think we'd have worked this whole thing out, wouldn't you? 
) We were in our twenties then and hadn't planned on kids for awhile and TBH neither of us handled it very well. We always took care of DS but I was very depressed from my third trimester on. I took AD's for awhile after DS was born and slowly weaned off them and have been fine ever since (no PND with either subsequent pregnancy). It took us a long time to sort of get into our groove as parents, I think, hence the larger age gap between DS1 and DD. Again, you wouldn't have known it to see it from the outside.
I wanted another baby a few years after DS but he didn't and wasn't sure he wanted more at all. It was really upsetting for me because I'd never planned on an only child, but I tried to come to terms with it. Eventually he agreed and I got pregnant with DD immediately. I was really ill throughout my pregnancy with her but so happy I didn't get PND that it didn't matter. Things were fine after her birth...great, in fact.
We decided to have more but the timing of DS2 is not what we expected. Still, DH was (or at least acted) really happy about it and was good throughout the pregnancy (I was ill again.) It does sound like PND on his part, doesn't it? Is that a thing?
For the most part he has always been a good father. He loves the kids. I know women whose DHs can't be alone with the kids for more than a few hours because they don't know what they're doing, don't do bath and bed etc. My DH has never been like that. I've always done a bit more because I've been the SAHP, but we've basically always been equal partners as far as the kids go. (The house, not so much )
ALady I don't know that I would be better off without him. At least I don't think I'm at that point yet. I still love him, for a start, even though I think he's being a shit right now. And I can't imagine being without what help he does provide, really.
Honestly I don't care that much about the party. He rarely goes out though he has more in the past few years at my urging. It was someone he works with who threw it and it's a big once a year thing. Tons of people come and there are live bands, etc. He didn't leave til 9:30. I was mostly irritated that he didn't ask if I needed him to stay home and then came home and went straight to bed. Granted it was close to 3 a.m. but still, I wanted to talk to him for a few minutes. :(
Sausages I plan on talking to him but yes, he does get pretty defensive. He has two older sisters and an older brother. They are all about eleven months apart from each other (poor MIL!) and then DH was born five years after his brother. So he is very much the baby of the family and was treated like a speshul snowflake for much of his life, I think. I've certainly never acted that way with him and have told him to quit being such a princess on numerous occasions.
So yes I am going to talk to him, but I'm not sure how it will go. I know he's stressed (and there's a new CEO at his work so I think that's adding to it) but so am I and we have got to figure this out.
You are both knackered and need a better routine and more sleep. 
This too shall pass.
It will get easier. Really. But in the meantime, be kind to yourselves. Sleep deprivation is a bitch.
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