Desperately Trying to Move On - My Divorce from Mr WT Part 3 - It's Nearly OVER!

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I am so grateful to all of those who have followed and supported me throughout this bloody ordeal! I hope this will be the last one.one and it will be over very soon! Thread 1 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?
Thread 2 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2137545-Whos-Desperate-and-Awful-Now-Story-of-My-Divorce-from-Mr-WT-Part-2

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Holy shit MrsC! A typo in your header...fail!!

[magoria]

Hope DS is feeling better.

Don't be upset but a part of me will regret your divorce they are the gift that keeps giving.

It probably doesn't feel that good for you though!

Please keep us updated when he catches his new victim.

[pointythings]

Hello, MrsC - thread added to watch list so it doesn't fall off...

Your title for this current thread is wrong though, there is nothing desperate about you anymore. Not at all. You are moving on - your 'meh' reaction when you saw him last was very, very telling. Is it too late to edit the thread title to something like 'Moving On With Pineapples - and then the rest of it as you have it already?

[Pinkballoon]

Classic. More concern for his car seats than his son. All so familiar....

That stuff is a nightmare to clean off. Oh dear. Hopefully trying to find the source of the final lingering whiff will be a drawn out process...

I do think that he will attempt a reconciliation. I know what you say about that not being something he does, however his previous relationships haven't included children. IME, some men have a built in radar for when you don't give a toss about them. That's when they reappear.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Pointy, you know I didn't think about that actually...I guess what I was trying to say is that I am desperately trying to move on but still being held back a bit by bloody issues...I don't think I can edit now .

Magoria, that did make me laugh. You know, there is a possibility that he and OW are a match made in heaven! Remember he told me he fell in love with her a "long time ago", that she had tried to make him leave all those years ago, that they had an affair 8 years ago but still he decided to stay. Maybe they have been thwarted all along and a tragic death has set them free on the path of true love that sounds like something you'd make up except I haven't

No doubt, we've got a bit of mileage in all of this yet...

[goddessofsmallthings]

Jolly decent of Pauline's late hubby to leave the way clear for them, eh what? If only all men could be as considerate as he's been.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Pink, I know we've talked about our respective ex-twats at length as they could indeed be twins with their fuckwittery...but I have to disagree with you on that one...he absolutely hates me, he really does. I have properly put a spanner in his works by not going along with his plan as he expected me to do. The only thing I hope for is that one day he wakes up and actually sees what he's done to his son. That I will never forgive him for. Even DJ Slow Speaker said he hoped I'd fall in love again...not something you ever think you are going to hear from a Judge, however, if I ever decide to settle with somebody it will be on my terms and I shall remain totally independent. As for Mr WT, I sincerely hope he gets everything he deserves in life! He has hurt far too many people and destroyed our family and our wider families in the process. What a lovely man he is!!

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Goddess....don't get me started on that one...my ex recently described him as his "friend" to our DS. You couldn't get sicker than that...!

[butterflygirl15]

Did he really expect you to vanish into the ether without so much as a murmur? The delusion of that pair knows no bounds does it.

[acatcalledjohn]

Checking in! waves and passes the bottle of round. anyone?

Remember he told me he fell in love with her a "long time ago", that she had tried to make him leave all those years ago, that they had an affair 8 years ago but still he decided to stay.

Whenever I read that I get this image of a Charles/Diana/Camilla type triangle. Without the Diana cheating bit, and Pauline's beyond dire interpretation of Camilla.

When's your divorce hearing, MrsC? If in the near-ish future, maybe we should place bets on the page by which you will be free from MrWT on a spousal level. I will gladly donate a bottle of gin to the winner.

[acatcalledjohn]

The page of thread three, that is.

[acatcalledjohn]

PS: May DS get well soon, and may MrWT never get rid of the sweet smell of vomit from his car.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Cheers, john, I'll drink to that and get the next round in

I have a cunning plan to promote Pauline's business but I very much doubt I'll be able to get her on page 3 without a fuck of a lot of photoshopping/airbrushing

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Butterfly, oh yes, I was expected to sign a divorce petition blaming me within a few days of him leaving, I was not to implicate OW and was threatened with her financial power and solicitors, I wasn't to ask for any money. I was to sell house, leaving me and DD homeless, hand over proceeds, hand over DS and bugger off. I wasn't allowed to complain, speak out or say anything really. Let alone find out "stuff" and expose them in any way. God forbid. He picked on the wrong wife this time, no way was I going to be trampled on by those two after all these years!

acat..ha! It's all a bit weird really, you forgot to add the RTA death too...! As soon as the consent order is signed off (that is now looking as if it will be delayed due to continued fuckwittery), I can apply for the absolute. Hopefully in time for my birthday in September. At least I know I won't have to endure another wedding anniversary! We will be celebrating with pineapples and Bolly on that day I tell you .

Yes, the sweet smell of vomit in cars...the gift that keeps on giving. It's not his car, it's OW's. He sold his cars to buy OW lots of presents and now has to drive round in one he can barely fit in. He tried to get me to sell my car and give him half the proceeds. Clearly, my need for a car (with two children, two schools) is far less than his .

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Goddess....chortle...

[acatcalledjohn]

Ah, September, a good month for birthdays . And wouldn't the absolute be the best birthday present ever!

Somehow the fact that it is Pauline's car makes the vomit situation even funnier. Not that I'm evil...

[goddessofsmallthings]

Rofl at thought of Pauline's "financial power" < spits mouthful of over laptop >

Seriously deluded doesn't cover it... but certifiably insane sounds about right.

They're a pair of washed up losers - a match made in heaven indeed

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I've actually got a text from him from all the way back where he said that "OW has enough money to see you in Court if you do anything to damage her business or reputation"....the same OW who was apparently insolvent when it came to financial proceedings. It's such a yawn-fest, it really is....

[TheFormidableMrsC]

acat, yes it would indeed...I just feel that it will be at that point I can actually get on with my life, sort out moving, make some plans, re-train, do all the things I have wanted to do for so long. It's quite exciting really!

I'm not evil either....

[Weebirdie]

.he absolutely hates me, he really does. I have properly put a spanner in his works by not going along with his plan as he expected me to do.

Its the same here except that my husband does absolutely nothing to harm me. My life hasn't changed for the worst in anyway at all, there's been no change in financial circumstances, no nastiness except in the first 6 months when I wouldn't reconcile. Absolutely nothing except for the fact that I know the way he is going about this means I am absolutely dead to him. My children are shocked by it but they now see I knew him very well and that when I said to them, 'when I do this it means me will never be in the same room again' they very well understand why I held on as long as I did. I knew it would mean the total destruction of our family life and who would ever want to wish that on their children so I put up with things. But of course that just makes the husband think you're condoning whats going on and when you decide enough is enough its such a shock to them that you are hated for it. My children have said to me, everything that you said would happen has happened, you really knew him, we understand everything now.

My children have dinner with their dad perhaps twice a month when he is in town as he now lives in the neighbouring country where our head office is situated. When they tell him 'we worry about you dad' he tells them - please dont ask about my life. He has absolutely no interest in being a grandfather though he does enjoy our grandchildren for the two hours or so he seems them at the dinners in my daughters house.

Our youngest is 24 and very severely autistic and he has seen him twice since in 9 months for a total of half an hour and the second time the visit was prompted by me seeing him in a restaurant and saying to him - 'please don't ask about DS, you have seen him once in 9 months, he really is just someone you pay for. I went on holiday a few days later and he paid a very short visit lasting about 5 minutes I believe.

People may look at a situation and think she's bloody lucky, nothing has changed in her life but if they knew how my husbands very damaged soul works, the soul he is so good at hiding, they would be shocked to the core at what the lifestyle I still have actually means.

However there is also the fact that he wouldn't dare do anything to harm me (apart from what he did in the first place) because of the regard Im held in here. And that in itself helps him hide his very real reasons for doing our separation the way he has.

I wish him absolutely no ill will at all, like my son his brain works differently to others even though they don't share the same diagnosis, and there is a diagnosis in my husband. So for me, hating my husband for what he does would be the same thing as hating my son for some of the things he's done when he's been upset and I could never hate him. We are my husbands loss and we actually feel sorry/sad for him because he can never experience the real joy of love and human relationships and this is brought home to me everyday when Im loving and being loved by my children and grandchildren. Even last night when I had a fabulous 10 minutes with my son after he'd been through a week from hell because of Ramadan and the changes it brings in his routine till he's used to it again. I was in my bedroom when he came in and used my computer to find a new jigsaw, I'd been listening to music and when 'my brown eyed girl' came on I got him up and we had a wee dance. I was singing to him and I changed the words to 'you're my brown eyed boy' and at one stage he broke away from me and started to skip across the floor with a big grin on his face whilst making happy noises galore. Two of the carers were outside my bedroom door just in case and when I caught sight of them I knew they had 'got the moment' as well. It was beautiful and thats what my husband is missing, he's missing that over and over and over again with our family and it only makes me feel sad for him. He's also not got me anymore and given that I now know Im quite something its also another reason to feel sad for him

Im very close to 60 now and perhaps my age also has something to do with how Im going about doing this. Dont get me wrong, there are still days my heart and my head are in the most awful of pain but given that Ive lived most of my life now I know I have to make the rest of it the happiest I can. And its not going to happen if Im pickled in my own bile.

I never believed my husband was the average run of the mill bastard and knowing it for sure after the therapy Ive had has also helped me through it all.

I hope you're wee boy is better today.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

He does sound like an epic loser, MrsC - good riddance, eh?

[AcrossthePond55]

Well, hello all! Budge over and make room because I'll be right back. DH has gone for a hike and I promised him I'd take the dog and go sit on the beach with a stiff G&T go for a walk.

[reredos1]

You've stopped her posting on her own thread!!!!????!!!!

Mrs C - start another thread, as many as you like. Someone who would do that to you, well, words fail me.

I can see just what he has written that he is as you described.

[pointythings]

Dear MrC,

I have reported your post. You should be ashamed of yourself, stalking MrsC on her own thread. If you wanted to get your point across in an honourable way, you should have started your own thread. What you have done simply validates everything your STBXW has said.

And the very fact that you cannot set aside your personal issues to do an ASD support course now but instead want to put it off speaks volumes about you. If you were a proper father, you would set aside your personal dislikes and do the best for your DS as soon as support was available.