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Occupation Order issued against me & request for primary care by abusive ex partner

(43 Posts)
kelly31275 Wed 24-Jun-15 20:18:26

I need help please!! To try and cut a very long story short I ended my 10 year relationship with the father of my 6 year old twin daughters in January. This was due to verbal and physical abuse that I had suffered. This was reported to the police but I didn't press charges for various reasons. Over the months we have continued to cohabit although on numerous occasions he said he would leave. We came to an agreement that the family home would be sold and he would give me a lump sum on trust to buy a house for the girls and myself. I was sitting waiting for this money to come so we could move on.
However last Tuesday there was an altercation in which he raised his fist to punch me in front of the children, although didn't actually hit me.
I called the police to report his threatening behaviour.
As a result of me calling the police he has instructed a solicitor and issued me with an occupation order to get me out of the property and requesting himself to be primary carer of the children.
I have always been primary carer and it would be extremely distressing for them if all of a sudden I wasn't there. Up until he lost his job recently he was never around, however is not looking for another job currently to put himself in a position to care for the children.
He is saying I've got family nearby I can go and stay with, which is true, but in no way on earth do I believe it is in the children's best interest for me to leave them with their dad who although loves them, has no idea as to how to look after them day to day and I have my concerns about his anger issues and mental well being considering losing his job, relationship breakdown, health issues etc.
he doesn't necessarily have people on the doorstep he can stay with but does have people living about an hour away and also has money in the bank to rent in the interim.
I am petrified that if I am asked to leave the children will be devastated.
I am seeing my solicitor on Friday.
he is the legal owner of the property but I have beneficial interest.
Anyone give me any words of advice or help.
what could be a good reason for me not to go and stay with family??
Thank you

lavenderhoney Wed 24-Jun-15 20:23:57

You need a lawyer very quickly indeed. Like now. Post in legal. And I've pm'd you.

Could you leave and take the children with you?

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Jun-15 20:39:05

Has he issued you with notice of his intention to apply for an occupation order and seek custody, of your dts, or has he made an ex parte application to the Court and obtained an occupation order in which case there should be a date shown on which you will have opportunity to contest it?

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Jun-15 20:42:57

We came to an agreement that the family home would be sold and he would give me a lump sum on trust to buy a house for the girls and myself

Has this agreement been put in writing and is he still living in the home he wants you to move out of?

throwingpebbles Wed 24-Jun-15 20:44:22

Has he been to court yet? Speak to your lawyer Asap.
The court will think what's best for children, in terms of where children should live and with whom
If it helps you stay positive I had a similar scenario with my ex earlier this year and the judge saw straight through stbxh attempts at dirty tricks, so don't panic just gather your thoughts get good legal advice and make a plan

police will still have a record of you calling them each time

throwingpebbles Wed 24-Jun-15 20:46:25

Reason not to go and stay with family is because the children need stability and you are their primary carer.

I left family home with the children for several weeks (we fled after calling police) and court order was that children needed family home and me in it with them, despite stbxh pleading nowhere to stay

Helloitsmemargaret Wed 24-Jun-15 20:57:34

Firstly, don't panic - it's not that easy to get an occupation order and they will often do an interim ex-parte (ie without you there) one before setting a court date a couple of weeks ahead whereby you will both attend.

Does the paperwork have a court stamp on it? How was it served - was it done by an official? It also has to be registered back with the court so you can check with them too. What is the exact wording used?

Do you qualify for legal aid? The DV should qualify you for it.

Even if it is for some bizarre reason valid, you can apply for it to be overturned so all is not lost. If need be get children's services involved.

kelly31275 Wed 24-Jun-15 21:42:25

Hi Everyone.....I have currently stashed paperwork away with all my gathering evidence!! It is a 45 minute court hearing for an actual occupation application order to get me out of the property. I guess this is my chance to overturn or put order back at him. he is stating I am causing him stress which in result will rub off on the children. his defence is that he has no where else to go and I do and that the children should remain in the family home to give them stability, he is saying he is in a position to look after them as he doesn't have a job.
I am seeing my lawyer on Friday and she is instructing a barrister to represent me next week 2nd July.
I could leave and take the children but the only reason I have remained is because I thought it was in there interest to do so rather than upheave them at this stage with no new permanent address.
Previous agreement not in writing but I have various texts saying he would move out and that he was going to give me £50k.
I'm currently speaking with domestic violence team to try and get copy of police statements before hearing next week.
paperwork all official hand delivered to me this morning by a very smarmy looking lawyer!
I could potentially get legal aid but need to move fast so don't have time to sort it out. I have quite a bit of savings which I think means I won't qualify for legal aid.....but will pay this time and look into it for any future hearings.....bye bye £2.5k!!
Thanks everyone.....makes me feel a bit more positive!

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Jun-15 21:56:02

Talk to your solicitor but imo, regardless of the paperwork you received this morning, if you are living under the same roof as him you are best advised to take yourself and your dts to stay with relatives at least until the outcome of the Hearing as it's entirely possible you may inadvertently say something which causes him to kick off necessitating another visit from the police.

Helloitsmemargaret Wed 24-Jun-15 21:58:06

Ah ok, so he's applied for an occupation order and a child arrangement order? The court date is presumably to hear arguments. You may want to produce a position statement (at the least this will help you focus during the meeting with the solicitor) which is essentially a bullet point list of facts supporting your case. You can google example layouts and terminology.

In terms of the children, has there been any children services involvement? There should have been a referral from the police if they were present at any incidences.

Do you have the crime references? They can help if you can't get reports (I couldn't).

kelly31275 Wed 24-Jun-15 22:13:58

Thank you yes I am very tempted to take the girls away, however he will turn up and try and take them back and I fear this will upset them.
he hasn't applied for a child arrangement order separately I don't think, it is just requested in his statement.
I have written a reply to his statement detailing my defence. there is so much stuff against him I fell like I need to be careful it doesn't look like I'm making things up, which I'm not.
I need to consolidate my ramblings I think.....I could write a book.
I have also printed off abusive text messages, messages saying he plans to get me out and get a live in nanny, texts saying he has money in the bank and got a large payout from his employer. texts where I am trying to be friends and he just tells me to F* off.
No childrens services not been involved although they would have been informed, I guess it wasn't bad enough!
I do have a crime reference number smile Hopefully if the police wont give the report to me they will give it to my solicitor

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Jun-15 22:27:08

Don't send any reply to his statement which hasn't been run by your solicitor first and let him/her chase the police for the necessary report(s).

It's to be hoped he's able to keep the lid on his temper otherwise it won't look good for him if you have to call the police again before the date of the Hearing.

Helloitsmemargaret Wed 24-Jun-15 22:29:27

I think I would apply for a child arrangement order then, there is an element of inertia, ie courts may leave children where they are for stability so I would be inclined to take control of that situation.

Try and be very precise and to the point in your response. For example

'on x date ex-dp threatened me with violence whilst twin 1+2 were present. I called the police and he was arrested for xyz. The crime ref is xxxx.

I own/have a beneficial interest in the property of x address.

An agreement was reached between ex-dp and myself for him to buy my share for £x.

So a judge can skim read but get all the key points. There is particularly language you use to refer to him, but I can't remember exactly what it is.

Helloitsmemargaret Wed 24-Jun-15 22:32:01

Yes, whatever you do, don't reply to his solicitor directly. Do it through yours or at court.

kelly31275 Wed 24-Jun-15 22:43:43

Yes no problem I am preparing stuff to take to my solicitor. his statement has hardly anything in it other than I enticed him and then called police. I'm not sure he has even told his solicitor about the DV....otherwise surely he wouldn't advise him it was a good idea to apply to stay in the property with the children.....unless he plans on saying its his word against mine.
Will amend my statement to be more precise otherwise judge will get bored lol. and im sure barrister will advise.

lavenderhoney Thu 25-Jun-15 00:15:43

His lawyer only knows what your ex has told him, so don't worry about that,

Ensure your lawyer has all the info, and if there has been DV and it's very possibly going to be a difficult time from now and over the weekend, it's better to leave for a long weekend than risk anything that may harm you or endanger your children. It's a very risky time now, so don't worry about school - unless you can ensure he won't collect during the day and after school, and get them away. And you. He has form. Don't be a statistic.

Helloitsmemargaret Fri 26-Jun-15 16:23:01

How did it go today?

kelly31275 Fri 26-Jun-15 17:00:41

Hiya....2 hour meeting with solicitor, all pretty positive. Although you never know what the outcome is going to be....she feels that the Children and I should not be separated. The question will be whether the judge decides I have to leave with the children and go into alternative accommodation or whether he has to leave!
I suppose there is always the chance we will all get to remain in the property.
She is instructing Barrister to represent me next week.
My statement will go in at 4pm the day before the court hearing......I expect the s* is going to hit the fan when he reads it!!

goddessofsmallthings Fri 26-Jun-15 17:12:41

I very much doubt there's any chance of you 'all' remaining in the property and you and your dts most certainly shouldn't be there on the day/night before the Hearing.

While the outcome is to some extent in the lap of the gods, or the judge as the case may be, I also very much doubt that you and your dts will be required to leave the property.

Hopefully you'll be back with goods news and we can toast your success wine in a week's time.

kelly31275 Fri 26-Jun-15 17:58:02

Thank you very much....I'm feeling much more positive today, but cannot be complacent, as there's always that chance!
Next week is such bad timing too as it my dts 6th birthday + party the day before the hearing!!
But fingers crossed I will be celebrating.....although it is very very sad he chose to take this route when it could have been amicable....silly man!!

throwingpebbles Fri 26-Jun-15 19:08:42

Seriously please make sure you are staying somewhere safe - with the kids - by the time he gets your statement

Offred Fri 26-Jun-15 19:11:10

Appeal the order as it is not in the best interests of the children.

Offred Fri 26-Jun-15 19:14:18

Stupidly didn't read the thread. Doh! Hope it goes well. Bear in mind his solicitor has to act for him on the information he gives. Take it with a pinch of salt therefore. It seems you have a lot of potential evidence and I hope it will therefore go in your favour. X

goddessofsmallthings Fri 26-Jun-15 19:15:39

As yet there is no Order to appeal, Offred, and there is every reason to suppose that the OP will have no need to consider further legal proceedings after next week's Hearing.

Helloitsmemargaret Fri 26-Jun-15 20:19:56

I echo everyone else, make sure you and the kids are not there when he gets your statement.

Just remember that there is a very important point of law and that is the the needs of the children are priority above everything else. I did discuss that judges are essentially a law unto themselves so be prepared for all eventualities.

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