I've posted on relationships several times over the past, basic back story is XH ended 17 yr marriage with a 3 minute phone call and change of relationship status on FB to show he was with OW. Left me and DCs stuck in France, cleaned out bank accounts and left me going to food banks until I could get myself sorted. That was 3 years ago now and while absolutely furious at the time it's history. My life has moved on it's better than it ever was and I'm happier than I was when married. So this is me venting my frustration with the whole situation now.
The problem is with the DCs - in the three years since ex left he's seen the DCs for less than one month in total. Since November last year he's seen them for a total of 3 days. He never takes them over half the school holidays and refuses to pay childcare because apparently that's covered by his maintenance. Maintenance is a big fat carrot on a stick dangled in front of me whenever I don't toe the line.
This last weekend he had the DCs, picked them up at midday Saturday, dropped them off at 6.00 Sunday afternoon (he had wanted to bring them back earlier). During the weekend he told DC2 that he wanted them to go to his house for Christmas. DCs and I talked about this last night DC1 says absolutely not, much as he loves his dad it would be like having Christmas with strangers. DC2 (10) feels pulled because he knows they had Christmas with me last two years so he's trying to be fair, but he wants to stay home for Christmas Day. XH only yesterday when I asked again refused to have the kids in the summer holidays because he's going away with his partner.
Last night I emailed XH and basically said the above, that he hasn't made an effort to see them over the last three years, he avoids having them in school holidays, kids are like puppies and not just for Christmas. I did say he could take them any time he wanted after 2.00 on Christmas day and keep them till 2nd January. I've also said that if he shares school holidays next year, sees the DCs every six weeks (which would actually coincide with most half terms) then he would have more of a relationship to have them next year. I realise he's not going to take them on Christmas Day because he doesn't want to leave his partner in the UK at Christmas, but he could arrange for a flight on boxing day or just after. This morning I've opened up my email to another one of his ranty angry emails. He just goes on and on at me, I never get to the end of them. I've had enough of him to be honest, he swans in and out of the DCs lives when it suits him, they have no routine with him. DC1 is disconnecting all the time because he can't form a relationship with him. I'm just really tired of all this shit from one man. I really want him just to commit to regular visits with the DCs and to be honest just so that I can have some time off - I've had two mornings since last November when I can have a lie in and not worry about getting up and dealing with DCs.
But I'm standing my ground on this one, I have no-one here to help me I deal with the DCs every single day with no help whatsoever. DC1 has SEN and DC2 is difficult. I think if I deal with the day to day crap I get the good stuff too.
Sorry for the length of this, I'm just worn down by it all to be honest.
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Relationships
The Ex Husband and Christmas
13 replies
brittanyfairies · 17/06/2015 09:54
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