Cotton forgot how to maintain her dignity

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Today I let myself down

For 18 months, I have maintained my dignity.

My very STBXH left me for OW after we lost 2 babies and young children in our families after saying that if he stayed with me, there would always be drama!!

Tonight, I finally lost my rag and emailed him to tell him that he had an awful body and really, really bad breath and that his OW was only with him for his money.

He didn't reply.

I am one step away from my Absolute.

I let myself down - please, please make me feel a little better. This is my first wobble towards him and I hate myself for admitting it. Help me?

[answersonapostcardplease]

What caused your reaction? Ahh well truth hurts. Twunt, him not you.

[AnyFucker]

I don't see a problem here.

[CocktailQueen]

So what? Did it make you feel better? Hope so!
Hugs.

[Jenoftheweek]

From what I know about dignity, yours appears intact.
Truth will out.

[DragonsCanHop]

Your first wobble took 18 months to come out.

There you go.

Be prepared for a nasty email back though

[Coco0123]

Don't hate yourself! In my own miserable experience of twatish exh, what I really regret are the things I didn't say.
He may not have seen the email yet anyway, but please don't be thinking you have let yourself down, in time to come you will feel better and stronger for having done this

[MarinaCoyle]

We've all done it. I'm very impressed you've lasted this long.

I read a book once (can't remember which) containing a character who, every few months, "drew a line under what went before and declined further responsibility". I liked the idea so much I memorised it and it has been supremely helpful in getting me over some of my most spectacular "oh fuck " moments.

The fuckwit deserved it. Now draw your line and pretend it never happened. What email?

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Honestly?

It was another £700 bill from my solicitor and then my STBXH emailed me as well to ask if I had signed the papers and put the house on the market. I am so utterly tired from it all.

I've paid so much in legal fees because of his dick and I'm so tired.

I try so hard to maintain silence and my dignity but he emailed me as well as my solicitor to chase me up.

I said he had no right to call the shots after what he's done - fucking controlling still!! Why so much pressure?

I had surgery a week ago and it's been the last thing on my mind but now he's not only emailing my solicitor but me too!

So I replied........................and added in that I hated his body and his breath stinks.

This isn't me

[Sammasati]

You are doing amazingly well, please don't feel that you have let yourself down, 1 wobble in 18 months! Come on cotton head up and walk tall (((hugs))).

[stareatthetvscreen]

pah
we've all been there

i call them 'my eastender moments'

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Please help me.

I'm so sad for letting myself down when I'm so close to the end.

[ClearEyesFullHearts]

I don't see a problem here.

Bwahahahahahaha, AnyFucker.

[MarinaCoyle]

Jesus Cotton, in view of all of the above you are MORE than justified in what you said.

I know it'll still feel shit because now he gets to briefly occupy the moral high ground and you feel like the unstable harpy (like I said, we've all been there). But at the end of the day you're a lovely, cool person who's just had a brief wobble whereas he's a shit EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.

[answersonapostcardplease]

Look, your human. Fuck him.

[MarinaCoyle]

Sorry for all the caps. But I really feel for you. You're only human. This doesn't define you or make you any less dignified. Draw a line. Stop letting it matter. You deserve better than letting yourself feel bad about this.

Chin up. Move on. Thank fuckety fuck he'll be out of your life very soon.

[Hobbitwife001]

I don't see a problem here either, at least you didn't also call him a complete cunt which is what I did,
Forget about it, you're only human, he was insensitive and manipulative, and you'd just had surgery fgs.
You haven't let yourself or indeed anyone down, you are nearly there , it's just a tiny, inconsequential dip.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Just think of all the far worse things you have every right to say and congratulate yourself for keeping most of it in. Did you manage not to call him a contemptible fuckwit? Then you are a saint.

[DragonsCanHop]

Once in 18 months, you are a legend in my book.

Just try to go back to radio silence now

[sassandfaff]

cotton I lurked on all your threads. I may have posted, I can't remember.

You had a lot of posts about dignity and holding your head up high and being the better person etc, as everyone victim to infidelity does on the relationship boards.

However, that is the ideal. I doubt it is managed by most, and although it is said to be helpful, it is also probably a cause of anguish for those the majority who don't quite manage to adhere to it.

You are only human. And like pp, you probably lasted a lot longer than most.

I wouldn't have even tried. I have a acid tongue and he would have got it both barrels a lot earlier than 18 months that's for sure!

Does that make me lesser than someone like yourself? I don't think so, so you shouldnt think you are lesser, beçause you caved after 18 months.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Thank you all

I pride myself on maintaining my dignity but after 2 glasses of tonight after surgery last week, I just lost it when he was chasing me up.

I know the bad breath thing will really sting him and much as I have been through hell, I don't ever want to make someone else feel bad - stupid isn't it?!

Also, I never wanted him to know how I felt but was so angry at the solicitor fees when he was going to email me anyway!

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I just feel so childish and like I've let myself down as he will think I still have some feelings. I'm so sad.

[HelenaDove]

Once in 18 months is very restrained Cotton. Please dont beat yourself up about it

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I forgot how empowering MN is. It's been a while since I started a thread.

I feel so bad for my wobble and wish you could all come and give me a shake!

I feel I've been stitched up as (and I know it's vulgar to talk about money) but he earns over £3k a month more than me plus his OW - he'll be laughing!!

All those plans, all those memories, just gone!

[HelenaDove]

Hes an arse. He will always be an arse even if he starts to shit pure gold coins.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Given your marathon stint of restraint (how did you achieve 18months? that's gotta be record) he will undoubtedly think you have some feelings - of revulsion when you recall his halitosis and unappealing bod.

But you can only make someone feel bad about themselves if they let you and, although he might stock up on mouthwash/breath fresheners, my guess is his colossal ego won't be dented by what you've written.

Channel your inner child more often, Cotton - it's good to play and life is a fascinating game full of surprises, some of them about ourselves and some about others.

Here's to your full recovery