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I am dating someone from the internet and realised I don't know how to date - please help!

(7 Posts)
ifyoutrymarytwice Tue 16-Jun-15 15:30:14

I've been single since January, and decided to try online dating. I've never been a serial dater, so I have been surprised with the number of suggestions to met up etc. I've only had 2 serious relationships and so I feel I'm not massively experienced in the going on date phase... I am looking for a relationship as well, and my profile makes this clear. (I'm 29 and worried about the clock ticking).

Anyway. I've met a lovely man. He seems very honest (I know I can't know that for sure just yet, but so far so good). He makes me feel incredibly happy and I've not actually felt anything like it before. He's said similar things to me ie he loves talking and he is so excited to see me. We've met up twice so far (I didn't want to meet until we'd had 3 weeks of chatting, I'm not sure why).

There's another lovely guy I talk to but it's not as 'perfect' as it is with this guy, though I am a little interested. My problem is that the guy I like a lot is very busy and seems happy doing his own thing. He makes the effort to talk, and I'm the one who generally won't speak until he messages (insecurity thing I suppose!), and he is really excited to see me, but I just feel like I don't know how to date properly. My ex's were massively obsessive with me (first one at uni so we were very young) and the second one I lived almost next door to so from day one we spent a lot of time together.

So with this new guy, I don't know how to judge it. I guess I'm being very over the top and paranoid... and if I am, could people tell me their stories of meeting someone online and having a slow but ultimately successful relationship? I am worried that I feel massively into him but he's quite chilled...for instance, he can go 2 days without chatting to me, whereas I would be over the moon if he spoke to me everyday. Does this mean he's not that into me? Or is this normal? The other issue is that I am keen to settle down, have kids, buy a house, you name it. So I suppose part of me wants to know if he is serious n that level as well.

please don't shout at me for being so over the top..i know im being over-worried but just want general dating advice!

FolkGirl Tue 16-Jun-15 15:48:45

Head over to the dating threads. Lots of advice and support over there.

I would say to proceed with caution though. Assume he is dating others umtil you've had the exclusivity chat. And even then you can't really be sure. Sadly.

Oh and it doesn't really matter what other people's experiences are. It will have worked out for some and not others. But that means nothing for you and him.

Meet the other guy too and keep your wits about you. Don't fall for him before you know him.

Go out, chat and have fun!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Tue 16-Jun-15 15:58:43

Pretty much what Folkgirl said.

It is wise not to get too emotionally invested in someone in the early days of internet dating (or any dating for that matter).

It is not uncommon to have several irons in the fire, so to speak, when online dating and going on a few dates and messaging each other does not imply any exclusivity.

Generally speaking, if someone is really that into you they make time to see you, not use you as a back up option when they have no other plans on the table. Messaging each other is not really dating in my books, face to face time is where it counts and if he is not being overly keen to do that I would start spreading your net elsewhere.

HelenF350 Tue 16-Jun-15 16:17:44

Meet for a coffee, somewhere public. Not for dinner as it can be very awkward if you don't get on at stay so long in someone's company. A coffee date can be extended or ended very easily. I met lots of people when I was online dating, a lot of which I probably knew were unsuitable but this gave me practise in speaking to people and dating as it was something I'd never really done before.

HelenF350 Tue 16-Jun-15 16:20:22

Also don't speak online for too long to people before you meet them. I found it wasted time as you really can't tell if you get on till you actually meet face to face. My DP said he thought I was very forward in asking t to meet him as quickly as I did but I had met so many people by that time that came across completely differently in person that I knew it was the only way to tell.

ifyoutrymarytwice Tue 16-Jun-15 16:34:38

Thanks for the advice!!

At this point should I be more casual then? I think I will arrange to see the other guy as well. I'm so nervous about it!!

ShebaShimmyShake Tue 16-Jun-15 18:15:13

I can't help but wonder if his unavailability is what's making you keener on him than the other guy, rather than genuinely preferring him in and of himself?

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