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Help please i'm feeling very low and alone

4 replies

busterblueberry · 14/06/2015 22:51

My Dh and I have been arguing on and off for a long time, but tonight he has said he wants to break up and I think he is probably right. I am a sahm and have been for about 9 years. We have three children. I am devastated as I have been desperately holding on as I don't want my children to be upset. My own parents are divorced and the parent I lived with growing up had many relationships that didn't work out. I remember a lot of the fights and disruption and don't want that for my children. I feel like I have failed them. Added to that, I have no idea what to do next in terms of getting a job and sorting out the house situation. Please tell me it will be o.k in the end.

OP posts:

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Jackw · 14/06/2015 23:09

OK, if you have been arguing for a long time, maybe that is like your childhood memories of fights so maybe a good thing to put an end to that.

You don't have to replicate the lots of relationships that didn't work out and fights and disruption that you experienced. You can control what happens now.

You haven't failed. Your marriage has failed. Don't take the blame entirely or even at all upon yourself.

Withe regard to job and house, you need to see a solicitor to understand your financial situation. As SAHM your and the children's accommodation needs will have priority and your H will have to pay maintenance so you may not need to rush to make any major changes.

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travellinglighter · 14/06/2015 23:22

I hung on to my marriage for too long. I was desperate to keep my wife and myself in a situation that was making us unhappy. We split, it’s hard and even 18 months later I still have my moments but I’m happier, more relaxed and a better father.

So bite the bullet, get a solicitor but if you can agree between yourselves what you want out of the divorce then do that and make the solicitors stick to it. If he’s any sort of man, he will want to do the right thing anyway.

Try your damnedest to keep it amicable because you need to consider that you will have weddings, births and christenings to attend together so sweating the small stuff may not be worth the hassle. Your priorities are a home and income for you and your children.

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sportify · 14/06/2015 23:33

Hi OP, I'm in a similar position (3 kids sAhm, bad marriage) and I'm the product of the opposite of you. My parents stayed married, among all the problems, our lives as kids were very miserable. We all resent our mum deep down for staying with our dad for reasons I won't mention here.
We don't have a proper relationship and never have.
In short we don't trust her. Even as adults.

Staying together is not always right. It can be much more harmful to stay in a bad relationship than to get out.
I'm saying this planning my own way out!!
For me as a SAHM the only thing stopping me are the practical things.
If you and your husband agree, it should be much simpler than if he wanted You to stay or vice versa.

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busterblueberry · 15/06/2015 21:24

Thank you for your replies, we are talking today so hopefully we can sort it out either way.