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Have you ever felt lonely while being in a relationship?

(23 Posts)
Inexperiencedchick Sun 14-Jun-15 09:14:51

Would love to hear from MNs...

Have you felt lonely despite having someone in your life?

Have you felt that person you are with doesn't understand you, or doesn't see what you are going through?

Have you tried to explain them your insights and how you feel?
How did they react?

Thank you.

Brightonmumtoatoddler Sun 14-Jun-15 09:21:52

YES! My ex made me feel so so lonely. I got ignored a lot, virtually no affection and not interested in my thoughts or feelings. Made me so depressed I ended it to get my self esteem and self worth back!

Inexperiencedchick Sun 14-Jun-15 09:23:17

I'm so sorry, hope you well now

Ouchbloodyouch Sun 14-Jun-15 10:12:16

Yes I have. It wasn't a good relationship. I'm in a much better one now.

hesterton Sun 14-Jun-15 10:17:33

So much depends on what type of people you are. Of course loneliness can be symptomatic of a failing relationship but it can also be part of two people having differing expectations about what needs they should be meeting for each other.

My dh and I have quite a bit of time apart but we both like an element of what I would call ' happy aloneness ' but could also be perceived as loneliness if we didn't like it so much!

So mismatched needs could be an issue as well as failing relationships.

FredaMayor Sun 14-Jun-15 12:49:20

Do you feel lonely because you do not feel you are getting what you need from the relationship? Can that change, or will you put up with it?
If your answers are yes, no and no I think you will sadly have your answer.

mrsmeerkat Sun 14-Jun-15 12:54:56

I am married but probably more lonely .. dh is quiet and we dont have a social life and also I have drifted from friends since having two dc within the past 18months.

He is a good friend an good company but I have no good female friends - sad it is life
.

pugglefan Sun 14-Jun-15 13:20:51

Yes, in my marriage now. It's an awful feeling.

givemehopehelpmecope Sun 14-Jun-15 13:30:09

Yes! And I've just ended the relationship. Didn't start off like that, just gradually became like that sad

Isitmeagain Sun 14-Jun-15 14:53:59

Yeas!! I ended my marriage nearly 4 months ago did to feeling lonely and not getting the affection I need to make me happy!! I had hoped that H would make some effort in this time but all I've felt is rejection even though he tells me he loves me and wants it to work! I have kept him at a distance so it is probably hard for him to do anything but I feel no effort had been made so am finally coming to the conclusion it's time to accept he is what he is and that I need to let go and get on with my life!!

Ragwort Sun 14-Jun-15 15:01:06

I'm like hesterton - I actually prefer being on my own and after many years marriage am more than happy to do my own thing, we don't really share many hobbies/interests or friends. grin. If I being perfectly honest I think my DH finds it 'lonelier' than I do and would love me to spend more time and attention on him. sad.

Inexperiencedchick Sun 14-Jun-15 19:57:46

Yes Ragwort & Hesterton, I think the time spent alone is a necessity.
But I meant the feeling lonely even if you are with someone...

It's true, it might be mismatched needs and failing of the relationship itself.

Few time it crossed my mind that it can be due to us expecting the other to make us happy, where probably we should be happy in our own company first... What do you think?

Thanks FredaMayor, very good points smile

sportify Sun 14-Jun-15 20:13:54

I've been married for 6 years and have 3 kids. I've never felt lonelier all my life. My husband is hardly ever around and works 24/7 and I'm a lng way from family and friends.
I live every day just wishing it was easier to get out. ��

Inexperiencedchick Sun 14-Jun-15 20:16:19

I'm so sorry Sportify, hugs and flowers

JohnFarleysRuskin Sun 14-Jun-15 20:16:38

Yes, and he was actually a very nice man, we were just incompatible on some deep level.

We split up.

sportify Sun 14-Jun-15 20:19:20

Thanks Inexperienced, just wanted you to know you are not alone (if you feel it wink Today, I think we'd surprised at how many people feel like us in what seems like a 'happy' relationship from the outside. X

Inexperiencedchick Sun 14-Jun-15 20:27:54

Thanks Sportify, I felt so a while ago...

I couldn't understand what makes me feel that way and why by even having a conversation with a person you don't feel close.

And here is JohnFarley's point we were just incompatible on some deep level

Mamamia321 Sun 14-Jun-15 23:25:13

Yes I do because he is addicted to computer games and rarely takes the time to have an emotional connection with me anymore.
Been to relate but only really works of other peron can reflect honestly on their behaviour.
Love him and we still have sex and the odd date night. With two dcs who are
Poor sleepers and a third due any time now - not to mention he was madecrecundabt and starting a business -,going to wait I OU and we if improves when w are less stressed.
Can't say I don't fantasise about the early days of heady romance and adoration and yearn for more affection and interest though because I do get very bored and lonely. Marriage is a big deal To me though so will wait and see when th smoke clears.

Ladymoods Sun 14-Jun-15 23:32:16

Yes, my EA husband isolated us from our friends and then excluded me from his life unless it was to cook for him and iron his clothes. He went out and stayed out every weekend whilst I was home with our two small children. I left him nearly four years ago and have been single since and have never once felt as lonely as I did when I was with him.

sportify Mon 15-Jun-15 00:32:04

Lady, how did you leave? I mean practically? I feel stuck as I'm a Sa h m. And am dependant on him financially.

Ladymoods Thu 25-Jun-15 14:42:28

So sorry I've only just seen this.

I moved in with my parents for a few months which was not ideal but their support made it easier for me to not go back to him (I didn't want to but he was bullying me in to going back and I fear I may have snapped). I then applied for housing benefit and tax credits as I work two days a week. It can be a struggle but we get by. Do you have a mortgage or are you renting? Whatever your situation, there is help out there. Make an appointment to see your local citizens advice bureau and they will give you all the information you need.

Don't stay alone and unhappy, there is a way to leave, you just need to find it. Stay strong x

Janette123 Thu 25-Jun-15 18:02:07

"Have you ever felt lonely while being in a relationship?"

Yes.

I was married for 8 years to a selfish, moody man who did nothing about the house. I earned more money than he did (even though I worked shorter hours because had 2 little ones to look after). He refused to let us have a cleaner and begrudged me any time with friends. He spent each evening asleep in front of the TV after I had cooked a meal.

I was ignored, lonely and totally miserable.

After 7 years I put my foot down and said I wanted more out of the marriage. His response was to cheat with a girl from his work.

I threw him out and divorced him.

Being alone with all the responsibility was scary, but as I'd been doing most of it anyway it wasn't as bad as I feared. Even with him gone I never felt as lonely as I had done in the marriage.

Inexperiencedchick Fri 26-Jun-15 20:47:17

Thanks ladies... flowers

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