Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Catholic/Christian Evangelical Relationship difficulty or just differences-advice please?(54 Posts)
This is my first time on here. As a man, I would welcome some sound advice from the woman's point of view. Its Saturday night. My partner P has just stormed out on me because I didn't want to go out with her to a church service, which she just informed me was very special to her. She said we dont get many Saturday nights together (which is true because I work night shifts), and she also said that I have turned my back on God as well. I said don't you think that's being over dramatic?
She left the house. As well as being a strong believer, she is a street pastor on Saturday nights once a month, so he went out to do her ministry helping the homeless etc.
I myself am a bit more introverted than she is, and I am not keen on going to church events on a Saturday night. I said I didn't feel like going and that it wasn't my thing-it was some kind of church social he had been looking forward to ("it was on my heart" she said-I didn't know...she ws trying to pressure me into going with her-I know she doesn't like going alone to these things-but then we do come from different church backgrounds...I do go along to her church occasionall-but not recently as it is not my thing-she is Evangelical Christian, and I am Catholic.
P and I have been living together for only 9 months, we are supposed to be a mature couple...I know you are going to say talk to her... I am sorry I have disappointed her, hopefully she will get over it...I don't think it is true that I have turned away from God though...I'm just not too keen on Evangelical Christian versions. How should I apologise? Any thoughts welcome. Thanks.
You should have freedom to go or not go whatever suits yourself as long as you hadn't promised. I go to church but no way is it on to do big drama about someone else going or not. It's like going anywhere it's your own choice . She sounds a bit overdramatic to say the least
Agree to disagree. You are both entitled to your own beliefs without pressuring each other. If she can't respect your decision(or you hers), you may need to consider if you have a future together.
Thanks...no I hadn't promised...I'd been saying it wasn't my thing.
We do love each other...part of the problem is that I used to be a priest, and I left the church because I disagreed with compulsory celibacy. I have spent too many Saturday nights in church services...I am glad she is a Christian woman...and involved in her church...and everything...but I have had too much organised religion in my life.
Think that is fair enough.. Have you explained that so she doesn't take it personally and do other stuff together
Thanks. I have explained why I left the church, but not about the Saturday nights...I don't get many free nights off because of night shifts...I think she did take it personally tonight though.
I haven't completely left the church though...I just like to attend a different one from her, but not going as a priest..I think she was trying to make me feel guilty tonight...that's what I am feeling right now.
I would welcome further thoughts on this subject..thanks.
I am a practising Catholic, my kids go to a non denomination Christian school, which is quite evangelical. My experience is that there is quite a difference between Catholics and evangelical Christians in that the latter are way more passionate about their faith and living a bible based life. I've often heard evangelicals say 'he/she was catholic until they found Jesus' meaning they truly weren't Christian before they became evangelical . In fact evangelicals make me feel that I am quite complacent about my religion and I'm a regular church goer! There are differences between catholic and evangelical. The importance of the Eucharist as a catholic being a huge difference in my experience. Maybe sit down and have a talk about what you do have in common with regards to religion (your faith in Jesus, I assume you still believe!), tell her you appreciate her passion for her faith but feeling 'forced' to attend church events isn't healthy for your relationship. I suspect these differences show up quite a lot in your relationship. Whilst I respect and admire their faith, I personally find the evangelical zealousness a bit overbearing.
I'm surprised that, as someone who disagrees with forced celibacy, you chose to become a Catholic priest as surely you would have been under no illusion about that being the deal you were signing up for when you made your vows.
If the rule of celibacy were lifted would you have stayed in the priesthood, or were there other aspects of life as a religieux that would have caused you to leave?
However, that's more to do with my curiousity than your post but, similarly, I'm surprised that your partner would wish to spend one of the precious few Saturday nights you have together at a church event and claiming that, in opting not to attend, you've 'turned your back on God' would seem to be a tad extreme which, to my mind, is the nature of evangelical Christianity and its followers.
As you made your choice and she made hers, I don't see that there's cause for guilt on either side but, imo, she owes you an apology for being a drama queen and endeavouring to use emotional blackmail to get her way.
Thanks I agree with you. Faith should unite rather than divide. Its just that my view of faith has become very wide. I know about the differences between Catholic and Evangelical. She is evangelical Anglican, which isnt so bad...because I used to be a priest I take on board what she said to me... maybe I did turn my back on God when I resigned from my parish ministry. I didn't resign my priesthood as such. I now work with people with autism and SLD as a support worker...its just a different way of being a priest....My partner doesn't understand much about my priesthood, as Evangelicals don't have the same kind of ordained ministry...I guess I am just catholic now with a small "c"-meaning universal...I am glad that you are a practising catholic...I hope your kids get the spark of faith from you rather than from their school--. thanks.
when I became a priest I had given up on the idea of ever meeting the right woman..I always hope the pope would drop the celibacy rule in favour of married priests- naïve I know...yes, there were other issues which caused me to decide to leave...the way the priesthood was changing did nor help. I was better at working with people one to one, and not good at committees-and the latter was taking more and more time as time went on. it wasn't why I signed up. I also disagreed with the way the church was accepting married Anglican priests into the catholic priesthood, but not allowing their own priests to marry.
maybe we can resume this conversation later...I am off to be bed now.
Join the discussion
Please login first.