What did I do wrong

[Sharpasknives]

Tonight I am having a bbq , and my partner and his boy were staying over. Partners boy and mine get on, my youngest is away , so my boy asked if a friend could come and stop over. I said yeah no problem, but friend would be in floor as partners boy had my youngests room. Last night, partner came over and I told him xxx was staying too. He went mental, saying it wasn't fair on his child. Now all 3 boys know each other., and I can't see what the problem is. He says his child will be left out. Now they are not toddlers, so should have no problem getting on.
At the end of the day, it's my house, so if my son wants a friend over that should be fine. He was very cold last night , which resulted in me getting upset, and he left the house at 5 this morning , saying they weren't going to stop tonight. Am I not seeing something here?

[wtffgs]

OTOH 3 is an awkward number.

OTOH your partner is being a massive knob. This is toddler behaviour on your P's part. I would wave him off and move on.

[Sharpasknives]

They are used being in a 3 when my youngest is here. Fwiw - when partner told his son he would be stopping, he didn't really want to anyway, and said he wouldn't sleep in my sons bed even with clean sheets, so yesterday, I had to go fetch his sleeping bag....
I have never seen behaviour like it , and over some thing that might not even be a problem!

[winkywinkola]

Gosh. I wonder what would happen if there really was a problem?

[JimmyChoosChimichanga]

Blimey I couldn't be bothered with some arse that behaved like this over the sleeping arrangements of a load of kids. Is he normally an arse over petty stuff like this OP or is he sanity personified but it's just this once? Sod having to fetch a sleeping bag too! How come that wasn't your DP's job? He sounds precious over his kid.

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

He doesn't sound like a nice man. You didn't do anything wrong, especially if the boys all know each other.

Him saying calmly, "I'm a bit worried my ds will be left out" is reasonable. You could discuss ways to ensure that didn't happen. Him having a go at you in your own home for letting your ds have a friend stay, is unreasonable.

[Lovingfreedom]

Does he lie down on the floor in supermarkets and scream too when you won't buy sweets?

[Sharpasknives]

Thank you. I was beginning to doubt my sanity. Every time I went to hug him in the night, he didn't rcpirocate, or moved away.
The thing is, it's his whole family who are coming tonight, including his sons cousins! So it's not like his son would be on his own! They will all play together. Apparently his son was looking forward to having my eldest to himself, as my youngest is away. And now I've spoilt it. Well, he's spoilt the whole weekend now, after ruining last night, and leaving a bad feeling about tonight.

[SanityClause]

He dragged his son out of bed before 5:00am, to make some kind of point?

He sounds like a controlling arsehole who doesn't actually give a shit about anyone else.

It just sounds too much like hard work.

[Sharpasknives]

Sanity, his son wasn't here last night

[mynewpassion]

The boys might know each other but does his DS get along with the other boy? Also, there was a thread in AIBU about SIL inviting her DD's two friends on a family holiday, which the OP's DD was staying with SIL's family. SIL informed the OP after issuing the invitation. Most people on that thread said that the SIL was in the wrong.

While in this situation, it is just one night, you might not know the dynamics of the boys' relationship. It is your house but you should have the courtesy to ask or at least inform your DP about the sleepover so that they can decide to stay over or not before committing.

[Sharpasknives]

It was one of things where I was put on the spot , and I couldn't really foresee any massive issues. I don't think Dps son would choose to hang out with my sons friend as he thinks he's not cool. I said why doesn't his son bring a friend ?

[GoatsDoRoam]

Is he petty and controlling in other ways, when you think about it?

[Sharpasknives]

Yes, but 99.9 percent of the time we have a very loving and brilliant relationship

[GoatsDoRoam]

You are clearly disturbed enough about his attitude to post about an incident here, though. Is this the tip of an iceberg?

[GoatsDoRoam]

And, in answer to your thread title, you did nothing wrong. Carry on behaving in totally normal ways like that, and don't let your partner make out that you have messed up and offended him: he's being a twat.

[queenruth]

Your DP has behaved very childishly but I am in sympathy with the feelings behind it, to be honest. I had a situation like this recently, where I had arranged for my DD to spend a couple of days at a holiday club thing with one of her school friends. When the school friend arrived, she was accompanied by her cousin. My heart dropped actually.

As it was, we got through the two days, and my DD was ok with it, but she did feel she was sidelined by the friend's cousin and doesn't want to go to something like that again with that particular friend, if friend's cousin is going to be there.

[Vivacia]

Yes, but 99.9 percent of the time we have a very loving and brilliant relationship

Everyone is nice most of the time. It's how we behave at the other times that matters.

[Vivacia]

I don't think that there's anything wrong in your boyfriend having a problem with you changing arrangements. How he's gone about reacting to it is very worrying.

[HeyDuggee]

How would you feel if he did it to you? Your son is massively looking forward to a sleepover with your DPs son... And when you get there, you get an oh-by-the-way another friend is joining them.

It's obvious your son doesn't think like DPs son as much. He'd rather have his friend over. Whereas your DP probably had to listen to his son cry/be upset and asking him why doesn't the other boy like me, Dad?

Maybe your DP blew up at you because you and your DS hurt his DS's feelings. And while he may forgive your DS, you as the adult should know better. Instead, you're saying oh, what's the big deal?!

Big deal is that your DP's child has had his feelings hurt by you. Maybe thoughtlessly, but he is expecting you to say sorry.

[Joysmum]

Thank goodness for Vivacia's last post.

You changed the arrangements without consultation. Yes it's your house etc etc but you assumed and didn't consult and I'd be annoyed too at the presumption.

His reaction to it and refusal to articulate or discuss this is the issue.

I'll hold my hand up and say I'm the same to an extent, I need to withdraw to consider, but if in my house I can get my own space to think through before I discuss. He couldn't do that in your house and I believe that's what led to such a dreadful reaction because he was trapped.

If he's not aware or accepting that he was a problem too, then thats the real issue.

[AlternativeTentacles]

Big deal is that your DP's child has had his feelings hurt by you

I am failing to see how on earth the kid can have his feelings hurt, when his cousins are over for a party all evening and the guest kid is sleeping on the floor. Did the OP ask her son if it was ok to have the party? I'm guessing not.

It is the OP's son's weekend too and if he wants a friend to stay, then in his house he should be allowed to have a friend to stay! A guest shouldn't be making the rules of who can and can't stay in someone else's house.

[Sharpasknives]

Some mixed reactions. They are 12, not toddlers.our two eldest get along fine, he wasn't massively looking forward to sleeping here, he would rather go to his dad's,as when his dad told him they were staying he pulled a face.
I can't see aproblem with all 3 getting on especially when they will be other children around, and some of Dps sons friends on the park adjacent to where we live.
I did apologise to do, saying I didn't think it would be a massive issue. I'm a more the merrier type of approach.
We don't know if his feelings have been hurt, it's all projection on Dps part . He could well have been ok .

[Vivacia]

We don't know if his feelings have been hurt, it's all projection on Dps part . He could well have been ok

Ok. Why do you think your boyfriend has reacted like this?

[Sharpasknives]

I don't know. There is a Huge funfair at the end of the road with lots of children from school going, so they won't be just a 3, people will be coming and going all day .

[AlternativeTentacles]

Your 12 year old son is allowed to invite friends over on his weekend. Honest! It is his house, his weekend and your boyfriend's son is not the master of your domain. Neither is your boyfriend.