What a mess

[Enoughalreadyyou]

NC for this obviously
Married 30 years 2dc at uni. First 15 years ok me being doting mum and high earner. Him too but away and a bit distant never told me till last minute he was going away and blamed me and left me to struggle with babies. if I challenged him he had some kind of meltdown so I didn't bother and we grew apart. So I had an affair which was wrong. Asked him to leave and he got a flat and had a few gf of course.

Affair fizzled out and he begged to come back. So I said yes but he didn't for two years which was odd but life went on. We saw each other at weekends very busy blah blah. Then I forced the issue and he did. He behaved quite strange but nothing I could put my finger on. Said he didn't like the food I made and disappeared etc always working late etc. Eventually I became stressed and depressed. He said we had no sex which was true.

Forward six years and I find he visits brothels going back 10 years to my affair. yeah right. Blames me. This happened 4 years ago and he constantly shuts me down and Im now on Ads. He wont leave and if I talk to him he rages. Has made me ill. Feck what an idiot to only see one side of a person.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Enough already!

As you've posted your thread some 18 times, I suggest you report the duplicates to mumsnet so that other posters can get a look in on the 1st page of this board responders can confine their advice to this one thread.

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Have done. Apologies

[DawnMumsnet]

Duplicate threads duly zapped, we've left just this one running.

[AnyFucker]

I am sorry. What are you going to do ? Clearly the relationship is over permanently this time.

[ALaughAMinute]

Do you want to get divorced? Do you want practical advice?

So sorry you are going though this.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Is the property you live in jointly owned or rented? Have you consulted a solicitor with a view to instituting divorce proceedings - the process will be a lot quicker/less complicated as your dc are now adult.

Are you in a position to live elsewhere until the marital home can be sold/ and joint assets divided?

Regardless of financial considerations, you mental health must come first and you are unlikely to see any impovement until you are no longer living under the same roof as your h

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Property is jointly owned. Nowhere to go really. Could stay at a friends but feel such an idiot. He is completely unaware of the distress he causes so have detached and in separate rooms. Just in awe at the mentality self serving of it all . I actually did blame myself for affair and thought people could change. As I did. Can't trust him.

[goddessofsmallthings]

If the property is sold will and the proceeds divided, will there be sufficient funds for you to buy another?

Can you afford to rent a studio or 1-bed flat in the interim?

Imo you're best advised to consult a solicitor with a view to instituting divorce proceedings citing his unreasonable behaviour and spend as much time as possible away from the marital home until it's sold.

Are your dc planning to spend all or part of their summer holidays at home and are either of them hoping/planning to return to the family home at the end of their studies?

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Not sure but think I could afford a flat . Hardly what I imagined! DS hoping to spend some time at marital home. Admit I have tried to pretend everything normal for years. DS so lovely but they deserve better.
Will see solicited next week.
Latest insult is that I'm propping up the drug industry . Been on ads for 4 weeks. Unbelievable but par for the course with entitled idiots.

[Enoughalreadyyou]

He has admitted to managing me. Or should we say controlling. Only just woke up to this reality .

[goddessofsmallthings]

You and umpteen billions others, honey, and who knows what drugs he's going to need in years to come that will prop up the industry. Stupid twat!!

Stop pretending that abnormal is normal and start the divorce process asap - that in itself may serve to lift your spirits because it means there will be an end to the misery of the way you're living now.

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Exactly I know what you mean ! Feckin miserable walking on eggshells. I need to take more control . Am amazed at myself ! Not strong take no rubbish person I thought I was. Talk sense to this person and he'll turn it around and tramp all over it . Have been incredulous for years. Twat

[Enoughalreadyyou]

He also keeps saying I'm too aggressive to be a woman. Really ? His brain has been porn addled. Told him to find woman of his dreams.

[StickyProblem]

Get rid of the dickhead OP. plenty of threads on here from women who feel brilliant once they get free. for you

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Thanks Sticky. Couldn't see the wood for the trees. Tried to fix the unfixable in an assertive way and he just couldn't handle the truth about himself . Said it wasn't what he wanted. Even glared at me if I was too busty to have sex with him when he wanted. Busy I mean. Ha !

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Also worried about truth leaking out. Am very private person in RL.

[goddessofsmallthings]

To aggressive to be a woman? Rubbish! Tell him he hasn't got the balls to be a man. The only woman likely to tolerate his crap is an inflatable plastic one.

Why are you bothering to enter into non-productive conversations with him when you Know he'll have to resort to petty insults sooner or later because he can't get the better of you?

Life is far too short for this type of nonsense and the longer you prolong it, the more you'll regret not having ended it earlier.

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Well bit pissed on a few glasses of gin . Wondering were it all went wrong . Do I live on another planet ? Because I seem assured nobody wants to know ? The pain is the same . Was counting on you girls as a regular !

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Thanks goddess thanks

[Enoughalreadyyou]

Enough already ! And thanks Anyfucker love you to death ! Will carry your vibe.

[AnyFucker]

hi, op

hope you are ok today

(and not hungover )