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I am sick of feeling sad about someone that was never mine.

67 replies

wwsb · 12/06/2015 14:37

Please bear with me, this is pretty long...

I had an amazingly close friendship with a guy, it was obvious there was an attraction between us but I never acted on it because he has a girlfriend. Recently we hung out and stayed up late drinking and had amazing sex. His girlfriend was never brought up and it never really seemed like an issue. For a week after that we were exchanging really intense sexual texts and eventually met up to hook up again. We spent an entire afternoon having sex (this time sober) and everything was fine. The next day I heard nothing from him, which made me feel weird, then the day after I got a text asking how I was. We chatted via text for a while, before I broached the topic of what had happened between us. He simply replied "It would be great if we could do that every now and then" which of course made me feel like crap and I told him so. We've never so much as discussed the fact that he has a girlfriend, or how we feel about what we're doing, it's pretty much just a silent given that we won't tell anyone else. I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling, to which he got really defensive and we had a huge argument. We managed to smooth things over, or at least I thought we did, until later that evening I messaged him and he completely snubbed me. I left it a few hours and messaged him to tell him that that was disrespectful and he'd never have done that to me before we started sleeping together. He replied straight away to say he felt suffocated; I just felt like his whole attitude was really callous towards me. I've since deleted him from Facebook and unfollowed him on Instagram, as well as deleting his number. I felt I needed to purge him from my life in order to find some kind of peace. I got a notification on my phone saying he'd followed me on Instagram, which clearly meant he'd unfollowed me, had a change of heart and re-followed. I messaged him to ask what that was about and all he said was "I'm finding this really awkward and upsetting." We haven't spoken since.

Obviously I feel really used, until that afternoon he'd been hot on my tail, texting me all of the time. When we were friends I couldn't ask for someone nicer in my life, he was always telling me how much loved our friendship and that he was glad he'd met me. I feel betrayed and hurt and I'm so, so sad. I'm not just mourning the loss of my friend, but I also think I might have feelings for this guy. To make matters worse, he seems to have gone into some sort of guilt spiral. I have his girlfriend on Facebook (she added me before any of this stuff ever happened) and since him and I stopped talking everything she posts is then filled with gushing compliments and proclamations of love for her. It makes me feel awful to see and the fact that he's made no effort to reach out to me makes me think he never really cared at all.

What do I do to move on from all of this? I get I've done a horrible thing by being the "other woman" but I just miss my friend more than anything.

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Lotsofponies · 12/06/2015 14:50

You need to move on. He has used you and betrayed his girlfriend, is this really the sort of fellow you would want in your life? If he was a decent man who had genuine feelings for you he would have ended his relationship BEFORE jumping into bed with you. The fact that the second time was premeditated and sober puts him (and you) in an even worse light. There are hundreds of decent single men out there without pining over forbidden fruit.