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How do you know if they really love you?

(11 Posts)
Lukat Thu 11-Jun-15 07:46:43

I've been with my do for 7 months....he says I love you bur how can I truly be sure?

Joysmum Thu 11-Jun-15 08:17:07

How they treat you is a start, but you can never be sure as some people come across as in love and vommitted but are actually more in love with the idea than the person so they'll have convinced you both!

Having said all that, you'll keep finding the wrong one until the right one comes along and makes you realise that the wrong ones were worth going through as it all led to finding your soul mate.

PeppermintCrayon Thu 11-Jun-15 08:41:25

You can't be truly sure. I realise that's not what you want to hear, but it's not how life works. What you can do is pay attention to the things your partner says and does, and your own experience of feeling loved by them.

MTBMummy Thu 11-Jun-15 08:45:09

It's the little things, not the big gestures that show it.

Being happy with who you are, supporting you, not criticizing you, someone who knows when you need that hug without asking.

I guess for me, it was knowing that even if we weren't in a relationship, we'd be best friends.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 11-Jun-15 09:06:52

I don't actually agree with the sentiment in this song but it's fun anyway

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARZDfcVOwno

MiniTheMinx Thu 11-Jun-15 09:49:23

I think it means different things to different people, I think its also expressed differently. I also think that for some people who are dysfunctional, words and gestures do not match irrespective of whether they "think" they love you. Of course most people are not dysfunctional, and in order to feel they are loved have a set of conditions that must be met. Respect, trust, warmth, acceptance, honesty...

I don't so much think the only issue is with the "sender" as with the "receiver" so I think its about how someone makes you feel. Do they make you feel respected, cared for, accepted etc,...or perhaps as is sometimes the case, someone is incapable of being loved, they simply can't accept it.

I could say I love anyone, and I really could believe it to be true, but I can only try to ensure that person "feels" loved by my words and actions. Of course I could be completely dysfunctional, say I love, because I do, and then fail to understand how properly to convey that feeling to the object of my love.

See what happens when you over-think it! and surely if you have to ask the question you don't actually feel loved.

wingsflyby Thu 11-Jun-15 12:43:22

I too would like the answer to this one! I guess actions speak louder than words?

WaitingForMe Thu 11-Jun-15 16:19:15

MinitheMinx makes some good points. I honestly believe that my abusive ex loved me. It's just that he was a twunt of the highest order and his "love" was bullshit.

AmyElliotDunne Thu 11-Jun-15 16:36:59

I think the short answer is that love is a verb.

It's what he does, how he behaves and how you feel about that, not what he says.

I also agree that a lot of it depends on how you take things and if you have low self esteem for example, it doesn't matter what someone else says or does, you will never feel truly loved because you don't feel worthy of it.

It sounds a bit psycho-babble-y but it's true, I don't think you can really feel loved if you don't love yourself and believe that you are loveable.

Lukat Thu 11-Jun-15 18:02:55

Blimey there's all sorts of answers eh?
Basically I have been with dp for 7 months and he says he loves me...will do anything for me, has been great with my children, and we spend what time we can together.
It just seems that it's changed since we first met, I know it can't be the fairytale it was in the beggining but I wonder wether it's just the stage of the relationship or if he has gone off me.
I seem to be the one who messages or says I love you.....he does occasionally.
I have bought it up and he says it's just him. He's very matter of fact type of person.
I'm a very insecure person and I read far too much into things and this has been an issue for us. ...but he's still around, so he must feel something.....

mommyof23kids Thu 11-Jun-15 21:42:36

My dh really really loves me but has only told me once. He also never answers my texts...he's just not that kind of guy. For some men not doing these things would be a sign that they actually don't love you, for other men it means nothing of the sort.

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